Girl / guy who has many opposite-sex friends: desirable or undesirable as a date?


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windsurfing is offline windsurfing Post #1  October 1,2010, 2:56am
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Just curious.

The majority of my friends are guys. Some are straight, others are gay.

I am also personally very comfortable if my date had a lot of opposite-sex friends. If I were to choose between a guy whose friends are mostly guys and another guy whose friends are mostly girls, I prefer a guy whose friends are mostly girls. My assumption is that a guy with lots of lots of female friends would be approachable and know female psychology very well.

I am not the jealous type, either.

A possible red flag may be a guy who has few female friends, but has a special female friend. Just kidding. haha.
 
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BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #2  October 1,2010, 3:26am
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Speaking for myself, it isn't a question of how many friends a woman has or what gender or sexual orientation her friends are, but rather if she is able to effectively balance her life between her friends and her dates.

My issue would be with someone who constantly makes excuses as to why she can't spend time for me, especially if we are trying to become better acquainted with me and uses her friends as an excuse. I find it very odd for a grown heterosexual woman to not want to be in the company of a grown heterosexual man. If she was a lesbian or bi-sexual and like lots of female company or likes to be around her gay friends then it would make sense to me, but then again I would not try to date her nor would I think she was into men to begin with.

So, what it boils down to is whether she wants to date me or not. If so, then she will find time to date me and hang with her friends. If she isn't into me then she will use her friends as an excuse as to why she can't see me. I am mostly talking about those who constantly decline and/or pospone seeing me, not someone who made prior arrangements to hang with friends for whatever reason.

In all, I don't have an issue with a woman who has male friends, straight or gay. I do have a problem with someone who doesn't make any time for me.

B.Y.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #3  October 1,2010, 3:27am
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Heh....I'd love it if your premise that many female friends means he gets women was true, but I've found the direct opposite to be true.

Ultimately, it's a case by case basis. Some people have healthy mixed sex friendships, some people have that one or two opposite sex friends who rule their dating life and not in a good way. I think a lot of people shy away from someone with too many opposite sex friends because they have been burned by the bad scenarios.
 
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Wiseman2 is offline Wiseman2 Post #4  October 1,2010, 4:00am
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Totally agree with this. A person who needs a fan club of opposite sex friends who are their confidants and worse, "relationship advisers", worries me and would make me question their maturity and independence. They seem not to be able to deal with you one-on-one. In fact, if I see "my ex is my best friend" on a profile, I close. I don't need Mr. Ex or Mr. Best Friend calling the shots in my relationship.
DancingFool wrote :
Heh....I'd love it if your premise that many female friends means he gets women was true, but I've found the direct opposite to be true.

Ultimately, it's a case by case basis. Some people have healthy mixed sex friendships, some people have that one or two opposite sex friends who rule their dating life and not in a good way. I think a lot of people shy away from someone with too many opposite sex friends because they have been burned by the bad scenarios.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #5  October 1,2010, 4:03am

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it depends.

my best friend is a guy and he gives me better advice than my female friends do.
 
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spagirl62 is offline spagirl62 Post #6  October 1,2010, 4:42am
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I agree, I think it does depend on one's own situation. I have many male acquaintances, but only two that I consider close friends. We get together every once in awhile...go for coffee, work out together...things like that. We talk about our relationships, and I've received some of the best advice from them because they give me the "guy perspective". And they've been right on the money.

To answer your question: personally, I wouldn't want to date someone who has many close female friends...I'm not the jealous type, but I think I'd feel like I would end up being one of many, and not The One. But I also don't want to date someone who would be jealous of my male friends and demand that I drop them. Been there, done that. Not a good thing.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #7  October 1,2010, 4:59am
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scarlet13 wrote :
it depends.

my best friend is a guy and he gives me better advice than my female friends do.
Oh I totally agree with that. However there is a big difference between sharing a beer with your guy friend and some dating war stories and giving each other some advice as a general conversation and friends who are intrusive.

Recently I really liked someone and we dated briefly, but his female friend was the downfall of the relationship. The two of them knew no boundaries. She would tell him what to wear, what to say to me, where to take me. One time we had agreed to a restaurant and other plans, all was set. Then he called me up a complete nervous wreck because she told him it was a bad choice and a bad plan - he needs to change things. What?! !@#$! Then I come to find out that she is giving him advice on intimacy and asking for details.....ugh....gross....with that friend, he'll be single for a long long time. It's more like she is his worst enemy under the guise of a friend.
 
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Wiseman2 is offline Wiseman2 Post #8  October 1,2010, 5:08am
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Absolute nightmare. More his enemy than friend, absolutely! For her own reasons she undermines his relationships, and he lets her
DancingFool wrote :

Recently I really liked someone and we dated briefly, but his female friend was the downfall of the relationship. The two of them knew no boundaries. She would tell him what to wear, what to say to me, where to take me. One time we had agreed to a restaurant and other plans, all was set. Then he called me up a complete nervous wreck because she told him it was a bad choice and a bad plan - he needs to change things. What?! !@#$! Then I come to find out that she is giving him advice on intimacy and asking for details.....ugh....gross....with that friend, he'll be single for a long long time. It's more like she is his worst enemy under the guise of a friend.
 
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Wiseman2 is offline Wiseman2 Post #9  October 1,2010, 5:11am
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Double standard here? Would you want him getting advice? Read DancingFool's post.
spagirl62 wrote :
I agree, I think it does depend on one's own situation. I have many male acquaintances, but only two that I consider close friends. We get together every once in awhile...go for coffee, work out together...things like that. We talk about our relationships, and I've received some of the best advice from them because they give me the "guy perspective". And they've been right on the money.

To answer your question: personally, I wouldn't want to date someone who has many close female friends...I'm not the jealous type, but I think I'd feel like I would end up being one of many, and not The One. But I also don't want to date someone who would be jealous of my male friends and demand that I drop them. Been there, done that. Not a good thing.
 
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spagirl62 is offline spagirl62 Post #10  October 1,2010, 5:15am
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DancingFool wrote :
Recently I really liked someone and we dated briefly, but his female friend was the downfall of the relationship. The two of them knew no boundaries. She would tell him what to wear, what to say to me, where to take me. One time we had agreed to a restaurant and other plans, all was set. Then he called me up a complete nervous wreck because she told him it was a bad choice and a bad plan - he needs to change things. What?! !@#$! Then I come to find out that she is giving him advice on intimacy and asking for details.....ugh....gross....with that friend, he'll be single for a long long time. It's more like she is his worst enemy under the guise of a friend.
Ok, that's just scary. It sounds like she wants him for herself and deliberately sets out to undermine any new relationship.
 
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