Special-K is offline Special-K Post #1  September 30,2010, 10:06am
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is happier than if it was a 'no boss Friday' going into a three-day weekend... :-)

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I recently read that MOST people (men, in particular) decide early on how they want someone to fit into his/her life.

Be honest, after meeting someone new, how long does it take before you know how he/she will fit into your life (i.e., LTR, okay for now, FWB, just friends, never gonna happen, etc.)

Also, please excuse my stupidity, but I REALLY don’t get the whole FWB thing. I mean, assuming you’re not a player, if you like someone enough to consider him/her a friend AND you are physically attracted to him/her enough to want to have sex, why not pursue a LTR? It doesn't mean the relationship must end in marriage... or is that the fear of entering into any LTR?
Last edited by Special-K; September 30,2010 at 10:33am.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #2  September 30,2010, 10:15am
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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I take it by 'fit into you life' you mean what type of relationship we'd like to have with the woman. I'd say a couple things I know very quickly are whether I'm sexually attracted to a woman....or if she has a personality that I couldn't be in a relationship with. Beyond that it takes a period of time to determine if a relationship might actually work out or not.

Regarding FWB, it's possible to be sexually attracted to someone but not so much their personality or other things about them that would exclude wanting a LTR with them. That said....I think FWB relations generally end in a lot of pain for someone.
 
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ami1uwant is online now ami1uwant Post #3  September 30,2010, 10:19am
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The reason to not persue a relationship and just be FWB is because their are fundamental differences when it somes to a relationship, living together, sharing a life together.

A few reasons would be:

1. different religious views
2. different point in their life...where one had kids and is done...the other wants to start a family.
3. Diet or pet issues...it will be real difficult if one is a vegigie/vegan and the other wants no part. Same is true with pets where one wants a dog and cat and the other doesnt want pets or like me is highly allergic to them.

There is a good friend of mine from college..could I have persued a relationship with her...yes...she was attractive we got along great..were really close....but she was a pet lover and a vegitarian and those things would have been problems for me so I didnt persue it.

4. Financial issues/behavior

5. long term goals of where you live and work

6 how they live/lifestyle...is one a neat freak and the other not....would their household style mesh?




I dont waste my time if I feel as if there is no long term hope. Within a month of seeing her regularly and talking I would know enough to decide if I want to pursue something serious.
 
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ISearch4Love is offline ISearch4Love Post #4  September 30,2010, 10:20am
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Special-K wrote :
Also, please excuse my stupidity, but I REALLY don’t get the whole FWB thing. I mean, assuming you’re not a player, if you like someone enough to consider him/her a friend AND you are physically attracted to him/her enough to want to have sex, why not pursue a LTR? It doesn't mean the relationship must end in marriage... or is that the fear of entering into any LTR?
You're not stupid, the whole FWB idea is stupid!

To answer your posted question, I think it really depends on the other person. Some people it will be obvious how the will (or won't) fit into your life as soon as you meet them. Other people it may take a long time.
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #5  September 30,2010, 10:21am
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Well, honestly, by the first few minutes (maybe seconds) into the meeting I would feel whether or not they would work as a FWB. Depending how that date goes it could change to just friends or never gonna happen, or move to OK for now.

After another date or two I will usually know whether there is LTR potential, at which point there is or, if there isn't, I let it fizzle out.

I made the mistake once of letting things drag on too long when I just wasn't feeling it and I don't think I'll do that again.
 
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StPaulGirl is offline StPaulGirl Post #6  September 30,2010, 10:23am
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Special-K wrote :
Be honest, after meeting someone new, how long does it take before you know how he/she will fit into your life (i.e., LTR, okay for now, FWB, just friends, never gonna happen, etc.)
Fast. I would amend your statement a bit though - I am quickly able to decide how I want him to fit into my life - likely within a few weeks of meeting someone.

Special-K wrote :
Also, please excuse my stupidity, but I REALLY don’t get the whole FWB thing. I mean, assuming you’re not a player, if you like someone enough to consider him/her a friend AND you are physically attracted to him/her enough to want to have sex, why not pursue a LTR?
There are many men I am attracted enough to want to have sex that I don't consider suitable partners for long term. Perhaps they already have kids, or don't want them. Perhaps they don't live/work in the area where I live (and intend to stay). Perhaps they don't consider me a good candidate for long term.

Since I'm not presently engaged in an intimate/exclusive relationship with anyone else and I prefer not to let my urges go unaddressed - why shouldn't I persue a "FWB" relationship? As long as we're both clear on what we're doing, what's the harm?
 
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Wiseman2 is offline Wiseman2 Post #7  September 30,2010, 10:25am
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I know within the first few moments how feel, if it clicks for me. I know if this is someone who I want a physical relationship with or not. If they are physically attractive, but it doesn't click, I don't pursue it. I must feel something, not just "nice" or "pretty".
I also do not get the FWB label. I suppose if you want to sleep with people you like, for the sake of having someone other than a strangers to sleep with?
Special-K wrote :
I recently read that MOST people (men, in particular) decide early on how someone will fit into his/her life.
Be honest, after meeting someone new, how long does it take before you know how he/she will fit into your life (i.e., LTR, okay for now, FWB, just friends, never gonna happen, etc.)
Also, please excuse my stupidity, but I REALLY don’t get the whole FWB thing. I mean, assuming you’re not a player, if you like someone enough to consider him/her a friend AND you are physically attracted to him/her enough to want to have sex, why not pursue a LTR? It doesn't mean the relationship must end in marriage... or is that the fear of entering into any LTR?
 
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Special-K is offline Special-K Post #8  September 30,2010, 10:36am
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is happier than if it was a 'no boss Friday' going into a three-day weekend... :-)

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StPaulGirl wrote :
Fast. I would amend your statement a bit though - I am quickly able to decide how I want him to fit into my life
Good point, and modified my original post.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #9  September 30,2010, 10:38am
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Special-K wrote :

Be honest, after meeting someone new, how long does it take before you know how he/she will fit into your life (i.e., LTR, okay for now, FWB, just friends, never gonna happen, etc.)
Okay...I'll be honest...just for you!
for me, it varies...because sometimes it's just plain harder to read some people than others.
That's about the most exact answer I can give you.

wrote :
Also, please excuse my stupidity, but I REALLY don’t get the whole FWB thing. I mean, assuming you’re not a player, if you like someone enough to consider him/her a friend AND you are physically attracted to him/her enough to want to have sex, why not pursue a LTR? It doesn't mean the relationship must end in marriage... or is that the fear of entering into any LTR?
Well... just like in your other thread, many times it's about that fear of commitment...
I think for some...it's easier to hang around someone, have sex with them...go do fun things!, the shopping!...the fine dining!....the gifts, etc...than it is to have something that's perhaps deeper, something that's going to require more patience, more understanding, more "give & take", and...more commitment.
Last edited by TheThinker; September 30,2010 at 10:43am.
 
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TrekRyder10 is offline TrekRyder10 Post #10  September 30,2010, 10:50am
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Special-K wrote :
Be honest, after meeting someone new, how long does it take before you know how he/she will fit into your life (i.e., LTR, okay for now, FWB, just friends, never gonna happen, etc.)
After meeting someone new, all I know is, if they are someone who I would like to persue and learn more about. I try not to look so far ahead as to say I can see them fitting into my life or I into theirs. I may have done this in the past with a few relationships, which I ended up overlooking some important dealbreakers. Now I believe for me, this might starts to happen after the honeymoon stage is over.

- Never gonna happen.. instantly on the first or second date.
- Just friends.. could and has happened, but only after a failed attempt to date exclusively. I don't see the point asking for friendship when we've one of us or both have decided it wasn't going to work out.
- FWB.. If there was no exclusive relationship or serious dating time, then I don't even go down this road.

wrote :
Also, please excuse my stupidity, but I REALLY don’t get the whole FWB thing. I mean, assuming you’re not a player, if you like someone enough to consider him/her a friend AND you are physically attracted to him/her enough to want to have sex, why not pursue a LTR?
IME usually it's because there is one or more dealbreakers that prevent an LTR from happening, could be timing, future goals, whatever.. All the fwb situations I've had were with ex's. The sex was great and we both were single, and not seeing anyone else at the time. FWB fullfills a need without the emotional attachment and issues caused from dating. it's really just two (key word) people having a fun by agreeing to have no-strings attached sex.
Last edited by TrekRyder10; September 30,2010 at 11:15am.
 
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