how much info should I give the guys?

as I've mentioned a few (dozen) times, I'm trying the multi-dating thing right now, mostly as an alternative to dating just one guy and getting so overly attached too fast and ruining the burgeoning relationship as a result, as I've done in the past.

as a result of my multi-dating, I find myself with two dates with two fantastic guys on friday and saturday nights this weekend. second dates with both of them. I'm not sure what/how much is appropriate to tell each one about my multi-dating.

Guy #1 - age 43, CPA with an MBA and former lead singer in a local band. Very cute, very smart, very fun. Charming, sweet, thoughtful - calls and emails and texts me regularly. Going to an art festival in the afternoon and dinner afterward on Saturday night. No kids. Divorced one year.

Guy #2 - age 45, RN working with hospice patients, former career bartender. Clever, witty, adorably cute and a lot of fun. Also turns out he is good friends and former co-worker of one of my oldest friends. She assures me he is a very good guy and very sincere. And one of the funniest people she knows. Going on an art trolley hop with him on Friday night, with dinner to follow. Three kids, divorced three months.


I told guy #2 about my multi-dating on our first date this past Monday night. He was cool with it. But all I said was that I'd gone out with something like five people in the past two weeks, but nothing more than a first or second date. He said I was his first-ever online date and that he isn't dating anyone else.

I haven't mentioned my multi-dating to guy #1. Assuming that he knows first dates on match, and a little thereafter, have no assumption of exclusivity, but who knows what is presumed? Guy #1 said he hasn't gone out with anyone from online other than me in several weeks and isn't dating anyone else.

So...on Friday and Saturday night on my dates, should I say anything to these guys about dating others? Or just not worry about the details of my dating life being shared so early on? Whatever I do, I don't want to mislead or lie.

Where I see it being a problem is if guy #2, on Friday night, says, "so, what are you doing tomorrow night?" Or if guy #1, on Saturday night, says, "so, what did you do last night?" I don't want to lie, but don't want to rub my multi-dating in their faces, either.

I want to use this second date to determine which of these guys I want to date more. And I realized that pushing it past a second date is going to be tough without hurting someone's feelings, and that I pretty much need to make a decision come the end of the weekend. I also realize that date #2 will come with a kiss from both guys and since both guys are new to online dating, they might very well assume that once you smooch a girl, she is dating only you. I've read that assumption on this board, before. Can't imagine someone assuming that from a mere kiss, but I've seen guys write about their confusion.

Any suggestions on how to handle the release of the multi-dating information?

(For the record, at this point in time, I favor guy #2, but worry that with his divorce being so recent, he's not an overall good choice for me, hence my indecision about dating him more seriously.)

Kissing doesn't mean exclusivity.
If one asks you to go out when you already have other plans, then say you already have other plans (non-specific). If you get asked if you are seeing anyone else then be honest, but brief about it. "Yes I am, is that an issue for you?"

No reason to throw it out there though, not until things get physical with either guy.

I agree with Rob..there is no need to go into so much detail about how many other guys you are seeing, and how often...because unfortunately..it will come across to them like you are trying to rub it in their face..as in.."I'm so popular and great, you better grab hold quickly or I am gone"...

Again..I have been reading your stories and I don't think you are trying to be that kind of gal..

Try to think of how you would feel if a guy during your date said this to you, "Hey..I just went out with this other chick last night, and then 4 others last weekend"...Something about him telling me this would not sit well with me at all..I would wonder why he has to make sure I know this...


It's no ones business until it comes up naturally in the dating process which for me, is usually when you are further along and talking about exclusivity....I am multi dating myself at the moment and usually just say.."thanks for the invite..I have plans that night, how about Sunday?"...and have never had a guy actually ask..'are you dating more guys than me right now?"...anywhere in the first months of dating...

I don't think that most guys think that after one kiss that it means you are not dating/kissing others and are a 'couple'...I would think more guys actually feel even sleeping with someone doesn't mean exclusive...(some women too)...

For me..a kiss at the end of the date is something I have done with more than one guy..but that is it..anything wanting to go further, I have already narrowed it down and we would be exclusively dating..but that is just me.

I ALWAYS assume that the guy is dating others if/until we ever get to having that conversation about not dating anyone else..

Hope you don't mind my being blunt on this post.....I do think your heart is in the right place.

Hope you have a fun time on your dates