Why wont guys follow through?


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hpstroy is offline hpstroy Post #1  September 29,2010, 8:31pm

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Hey Everyone!

I am thoroughly confused by the behavior of the fellow I have been communicating with for the last two months. I would appreciate any insight y'all may have.

We were matched at the end of July. He lives about an hour away and we have had great emails! We have so much in common! Labor Day weekend he told me about a Tailgate with his boss and department and the invitation to sit in the boss' skybox for a specific matchup of two football teams. He asked me to be his date; I said yes. I also replied that I would like to meet him beforehand. He agreed; also wanting to meet before the game. I also asked the specific date of the game; he never answered me.

He is a law partner and associate law professor, so he has a full plate...He has been in constant contact via email; though we have exchanged emails. I am southern and believe that a man should make the first phone call. He asked if I was available to chat on a specific evening as he would like to call me. I was available and told him I was looking forward to speaking with him. He never called. He has gone six rounds of setting up a time to call and never does. It is excuse after excuse. He doesn't call but will send an email. What gives? Last weekend he told me how he was going to the football game - to the match up he had invited me! He even used the team names in the email but no mention of my going with him.

I have been extremely honest and forthright. I even expressed to him(twice) that I was looking for more than a pen pal and that if he was not in a postition to move forward to please let me know and that I would focus more on other opportunities. He emailed me immediately to set up another call but alas, I heard crickets. I am not one to sit by the phone and wait. This is beyond rude. I wanted a definitive answer, so against my southern lady gut feelings I invited him to a party this weekend and let him know that I needed an answer by today for the purpose of an RSVP. He said he'd like to go but is having his car repainted and it will be in the shop from Thurs to Tues. Another excuse. Asked to call me last night, I said I may be around and never heard a peep.

I keep wondering what is the lesson I am supposed to learn here?

I appreciate any thoughts or comments.

Thanks!
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #2  September 29,2010, 8:41pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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My guess is....you're his 3rd, 4th or 5th backup plan. He doesn't even care enough about you to remember what he already invited you to and what he didn't. I suggest you just forget about him.
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #3  September 29,2010, 8:56pm
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He's either married or juggling too many other matches.

When he mentioned going to the game that he invited you to, why didn't you call him out on that? And SIX times of not following through to call you when he said he would? I would have cut him loose after the second one, and only if he'd had a legitimate excuse for not calling the first time. If you two are in "constant" email contact, why aren't you asking him about this? You have cut him far too much slack already. Don't be dazzled by him being a law partner and professor, even educated, successful people can be rude and flaky, and you shouldn't accept that from him any more than you would from anyone else.

The lesson to learn is actions speak louder than words... and he has neither actions nor words (at least not spoken ones).

Second lesson to be learned is to never make someone a priority who considers you to be an option.

Third lesson is to keep looking and don't put all your eggs in one basket, especially when you haven't met or even talked on the phone yet.
 
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annother is offline annother Post #4  September 29,2010, 8:58pm
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Yes, sadly, I think JayJay has got it right. He (your match) has a lot of irons in the fire.

If I were you, before I write him off, I'd let him know that he mislead you into thinking you were going to the game. That is just not cool.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #5  September 29,2010, 10:38pm
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I'd email "this is not going to go anywhere -- good luck to you, I wish you well" and then not have any further contact -- erase his voicemails/emails, block his phone. So that you can leave him behind.

I'm curious why you let him get away with so much? One missed appointment to call can be a meaningless accident but these things happened over and over again, right? Not to mention making a date and then blowing it off. It's almost turned into the Holy Grail for you -- can you get this guy to do what he said he'd do, FINALLY?!!

Perhaps the answer to "why did you take so much from him?" is your lesson to be learned here?

Sorry! It sounds frustrating and painful. I hope you get over him very quickly.
 
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Wiseman2 is offline Wiseman2 Post #6  September 30,2010, 9:47am
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Your screen name suits you, excellent insight and advice here
Wonderwoman402 wrote :
He's either married or juggling too many other matches.
Don't be dazzled by him being a law partner and professor, even educated, successful people can be rude and flaky, and you shouldn't accept that from him any more than you would from anyone else.

Second lesson to be learned is to never make someone a priority who considers you to be an option.

Third lesson is to keep looking and don't put all your eggs in one basket, especially when you haven't met or even talked on the phone yet.
 
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DashMN is offline DashMN Post #7  September 30,2010, 10:12am
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Apart from the comments above, which I agree with, there's one other lesson that can be extracted here. The title of the thread is "why won't guys follow through?" This man is not representative of the male gender as a whole. We are each individuals. Don't let this guy's rudeness affect your opinion of men in general. He is but one. And apparently not the right one at that. There are guys who will follow through. Apparently, this particular guy isn't one of them. Move on to one who will follow through - otherwise, you are encouraging/enabling bad behavior.

Also, for all you know, he's made the whole thing up, is not a professor, not a law partner, and isn't following through because he doesn't have the brass to admit that he's been pretending to be someone he's not. If he's not willing to prove it by virtue of a face-to-face meeting, you have no reason to believe any of it.
 
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Getting_There is offline Getting_There Post #8  September 30,2010, 11:06am
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I'd send him a "good bye, nice getting to know you" email. You should just move on and stop investing a lot of time or emotions into this guy since it's seems he's either way too busy, very forgetful or just not that into you.

His actions are showing his true colors which make him out to be unreliable, inconsiderate and rude. They also show that you have no real priority in his life.
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #9  September 30,2010, 11:20am
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All the above advice is good but the OP is gone already.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  September 30,2010, 1:12pm
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tweet37 wrote :
All the above advice is good but the OP is gone already.
Hmm, joined in May but did not make the first post until today (9-30-10) and the profile is gone. Glitch in the system or really gone?
 
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