Twenty-Nine and in College


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Fireslide is offline Fireslide Post #1  September 29,2010, 6:42pm
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Hi Everyone!


I'm brand new here, and am posting this partly to vent, and partly in search of answers to the questions at the bottom. Glad to be here, and I look forward to keeping up with the advice boards. And on we go...



The year was 1999. The Yankees swept the Braves in the World Series, and Cher was at the top of the pop charts with her obnoxious hit, "Believe." But what I remember is barely getting my grades together enough to graduate from high school. That summer I would work my first job and save enough money to buy my first car: a 1989 Toyota Corolla hatchback that, at $1,000, was almost certainly overpriced. Over the next seven (yes, seven) years I would attend Eastern New Mexico University and Texas Tech University, honing my skills as a musician; and completely neglecting my degree plan.


Fast-forward to 2010. I've just gotten back from another contract working as a cruise ship musician, the job I have most frequently landed in over the past four years. During this time it was always my intent to return to school to finish what I had started so many years ago. This August I've finally done it; I've resumed my college career, this time at a two-year school that's giving me a full-ride music scholarship. The department is even putting me up in the dorms and paying for a meal plan, something I could hardly say no to. In addition, over the past year I've managed to drop 110 lbs. at the time of this writing, greatly improving my general well-being. Life is good.


Except for one thing. My love life is, well, lifeless.


My first trip through college found me overweight, depressed, unhygienic, and lacking any sort of ideas of how to properly function in society. It is really no wonder that I steered away from the hard stuff and focused on what I was good at: music. Needless to say, I had absolutely no luck with women, despite (more likely because of) my incessant attempts to find someone with which to have a meaningful relationship.


But all of that has changed. I'm in a much better place now, and I lead a fulfilling life quite well on my own. Still, a meaningful relationship, though unnecessary, would be nice, and lack thereof has prompted me to ask the following questions:


By not dating in college the first time, did I miss out on dating completely?


Are women turned off by the fact that I'm a 29 year-old full-time college student?


I'd love to hear your thoughts.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #2  September 29,2010, 6:56pm
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maneedham wrote :
Are women turned off by the fact that I'm a 29 year-old full-time college student?


I'd love to hear your thoughts.
I doubt it.
You're a musican, right?

Chicks dig that.
 
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annother is offline annother Post #3  September 29,2010, 8:15pm
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Congratulations on all the progress you are making in your redefinition of yourself! That is wonderful!

And, welcome to the eAdvice boards!

Being older in college is a challenge in itself, but not so much as it used to be. I teach at a post-secondary institution and about 10% of my classes are mature students. Mostly, the mature students support one another, often they work with the younger students, and sometimes they even socialize with the younger students.

You have a lot to contend with in changing your career focus, changing your physique, and dating. I don't think being a student, of itself, is a turn-off for women, especially if it is clear that you have a career plan. What may turn women off are a lack of focus and/or ambition.

Being a cruise-ship musician is actually quite exotic for many people, so you can make the most of that. The fact that you are a musician is also quite sexy. Make the most of your strengths and be clear in your goals. You may have missed out on dating earlier in your life, but you can make up for it now!
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #4  September 29,2010, 8:41pm
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Not every woman will find the musician thing appealing. I don't. I used to be married to a musician, and I have no desire to be a band widow ever again. But back when I was a college student I did find it quite sexy and cool to be "with the band."

Since you're at a college with a music program, you'll probably connect with other musicians. You're not that much older than most of the other students will be (10 years or less) and you will be in the same life stage as them. Your new-found self confidence will be quite appealing. Just get fully involved in campus activities and pay attention to your classmates and you should have no problem finding someone to date and hopefully form a meaningful relationship with.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #5  September 29,2010, 9:14pm
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Wonderwoman402 wrote :
Not every woman will find the musician thing appealing. I don't. .
he's twenty years younger also...I think he'll be fine.
 
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chimerical is offline chimerical Post #6  September 29,2010, 9:51pm
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maneedham wrote :
My love life is, well, lifeless.

...I lead a fulfilling life quite well on my own. Still, a meaningful relationship, though unnecessary, would be nice, and lack thereof has prompted me to ask the following questions:

By not dating in college the first time, did I miss out on dating completely?

Are women turned off by the fact that I'm a 29 year-old full-time college student?
Nope. I'm 23, and have been out of college & teaching for the past two years, and I've found that it's not in the slightest bit unusual for folks in their 20's and 30's to be in college. Actually, I've barely dated a guy who wasn't. My two most serious relationships were with 30-year-olds who were finishing up their bachelor's degrees. More recently, I've been dating a 25-year-old who is working construction while he takes classes in nursing.

Glad to hear you've turned your life around! Best of luck!
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #7  September 29,2010, 10:10pm
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Some women will probably be turned off by the 29/full-time college thing. Oh well! Those would probably be women who are not well suited to you anyway.

You have had quite an interesting life so far, and seem to be a guy who can evolve -- both attractive traits.

There will be women your age in college. And don't turn a blind eye to women there who are younger (or older) than you. Get involved in activities. Talk to your classmates and invite them to do this and that with you -- be friendly.

Are you interested in trying online dating? From your post it seems clear you could write possibly the best profile ever! It's something you could try along with socializing at school.

Welcome to EHA!
 
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ami1uwant is online now ami1uwant Post #8  September 30,2010, 8:45am
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Its great you are going to school....not sure what this college is to know what your fellow students will be.

If this is a large metro state college/university you will run into people who are oldr. It will be difficult for you dating someone who is 18 or 19.

The women around your age may also have issues with you going to school.

What will this degree get you into? What do you want to do after this degree? That is the bigger question. This will be an issue with people you meet...are you going to do alot of traveling and work from cruise line to cruise line...or would you become a high school and private music teacher?

If you are going to have a nomadic career that will be a turn off to quite a few people.
 
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Getting_There is offline Getting_There Post #9  September 30,2010, 9:03am
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I'm around your age and I met with a match a year or so older who was still in school pursuing his bachelors. We found it hard to connect because he was unsure of where he wanted to be in the future (which grad school, where did he want to live, etc.). From that I learned I want someone who is in a similar life stage to mine which is someone more settled in their career and who knows where they're going to be down the road.

The advice to date younger women is probably a good approach. They will be more flexible and compatible with your stage of life.

But the important thing is that you're now really "ready" to find someone. Being "ready" is half the battle. I bet you'll find someone in short order.
 
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Fireslide is offline Fireslide Post #10  September 30,2010, 9:43am
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Wow, thanks for the replies!

A few thoughts:

Most of the people at this college are in the 18-20 range, making it a bit more difficult to meet people around campus. However, I'm only about a half an hour away from a major metropolitan area and intend to take full advantage of the opportunities there.

As far as age goes, my ideal range is 23 (at the very youngest) to around 30, but I get the impression that many women in this age range are looking for someone they can settle down and buy a house with in fairly short order; the truth is I won't be there until after I've finished the education I need in order to launch the next stage of my career. I do wonder whether or not I'm mistaken in my conceptions here--thoughts?

Much of the reason that I'm back in school is my desire to leave the ships and make a life on land. I'm going for a performance degree mainly because it's the degree I'm closest to earning, but immediately afterward I plan to attend graduate school. I'm also interested in obtaining my teacher's certification which would allow me to teach public school, a career that most of my former classmates are finding themselves quite happy in.

I'm enjoying living in this area very much, and if I can make a career here, so much the better. I definitely see opportunities in the vicinity, and there are a number of schools here where I would be quite happy completing my education. That having been said, if the right assistantship came along I would probably jump at it, no matter the location. Right now my career is coming first.

Thanks for all of your great responses!
 
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