talking on the phone-o-phobe advice?


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sparowe is offline sparowe Post #1  September 28,2010, 10:04pm
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Well, folks, I will try to assure you I don't plan on peeping at you to end each day, but that might be a baseless assurance and, anyway, you've been so nice.

I have mentioned this fellow with whom exists the possibility I will go on a date, or to meet... sheesh, folks and their terms. Well, we've exchanged two emails, and then he (in I must admit a classy manner) told me he'd like to chat, dropped his number on me, and asked me when he should call me.

Now I suppose that would seem wrong to some. To me, I am too prone to self-doubt; I like a guy to be direct and confident. That was pretty James Bond.. maybe you had to be there. The problem is, I *do* want him to call me. And I'm afraid I will open my mouth and fall on my face.

To that end, please tell me what is best and worst about your first contact (s.)

bien
sparowe
Last edited by sparowe; September 28,2010 at 10:06pm. Reason: (of course I gave it to him.)
 
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Buck is offline Buck Post #2  September 28,2010, 10:45pm
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The best ... Just as in real life, when both are enjoying the moment, or however long it lasts. We've all said stupid things and lived to laugh about it. If this fella is as classy and confident as you perceive, all will be well and you can write back and tell us about it.

The worst ... I don't recall ever having a terrible first contact (as in e-mail or phone chat). However, when meeting in person, I've had one traumatic experience in 10 years. Long ago I chose to meet a photo-less match. It is highly unlikely that will ever happen again.

Good luck!
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #3  September 29,2010, 3:55am
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I don't get what's so mysterious here. He gave you his number,does he have yours? If you don't want him to, call anonymously Just call...
1)If he answers: just chat as you would with anyone else
2) If he doesn't: leave a voice mail: "Hi this is Bond, Sparowe Bond, I'll try you later or you can reach me at..."
3) If his wife / girlfriend answers: say "sorry, wrong number" and dump him... if you called anonymously, she won't hunt you down. LOL
sparowe wrote :
Now I suppose that would seem wrong to some. To me, I am too prone to self-doubt; I like a guy to be direct and confident. That was pretty James Bond.. maybe you had to be there. The problem is, I *do* want him to call me. And I'm afraid I will open my mouth and fall on my face.
To that end, please tell me what is best and worst about your first contact (s.)
bien
sparowe
 
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ISearch4Love is offline ISearch4Love Post #4  September 29,2010, 4:10am
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If you're nervous, and think you might say the wrong thing because of it, tell him that so he understands how you feel. It may take the pressure of and you might find out he feels the same way.
 
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TrekRyder10 is offline TrekRyder10 Post #5  September 29,2010, 5:04am
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sparowe wrote :
and then he (in I must admit a classy manner) told me he'd like to chat, dropped his number on me, and asked me when he should call me.

Now I suppose that would seem wrong to some. To me, I am too prone to self-doubt; I like a guy to be direct and confident. That was pretty James Bond.. maybe you had to be there. The problem is, I *do* want him to call me. And I'm afraid I will open my mouth and fall on my face.

To that end, please tell me what is best and worst about your first contact (s.)
That's pretty much standard operating procedure for a guy.. so call me Bond I guess.


Bottom line for me.. no phone call = no meet.
ime if you can't hold a 5-10 minute phone call, not much changes once we meet.

and I am someone who hates the phone, but only because I am on it during the day for 8 hours.
Last edited by TrekRyder10; September 29,2010 at 6:55am.
 
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ISearch4Love is offline ISearch4Love Post #6  September 29,2010, 5:34am
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TrekRyder10 wrote :
ime if you can't hold a 5-10 minute phone call, not much changes once we meet.
I agree with this completely


TrekRyder10 wrote :
I am someone who hates the phone
In general I hate talking on the phone as well but have found that if you like the person you are talking to enough it isn't always as bad as you think it will be.

I've surprised myself at times and ended up talking for a lot longer than I expected to and ended up really enjoying it.
 
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TrekRyder10 is offline TrekRyder10 Post #7  September 29,2010, 5:40am
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ISearch4Love wrote :
In general I hate talking on the phone as well but have found that if you like the person you are talking to enough it isn't always as bad as you think it will be.
Very true...

wrote :
I've surprised myself at times and ended up talking for a lot longer than I expected to and ended up really enjoying it.
Yup I have experienced this too.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #8  September 29,2010, 5:48am
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sparowe wrote :
Well, folks, I will try to assure you I don't plan on peeping at you to end each day, but that might be a baseless assurance and, anyway, you've been so nice.

I have mentioned this fellow with whom exists the possibility I will go on a date, or to meet... sheesh, folks and their terms. Well, we've exchanged two emails, and then he (in I must admit a classy manner) told me he'd like to chat, dropped his number on me, and asked me when he should call me.

Now I suppose that would seem wrong to some. To me, I am too prone to self-doubt; I like a guy to be direct and confident. That was pretty James Bond.. maybe you had to be there. The problem is, I *do* want him to call me. And I'm afraid I will open my mouth and fall on my face.

To that end, please tell me what is best and worst about your first contact (s.)

bien
sparowe
Wee bit confused about your question. He gave you his phone number? Said he would like to chat (talk to you on the phone) and asked what time he should call? Is he going to call or are you supposed to call him? If he is going to call you at a time that you have told him to call then all you have to do is be available to answer the phone and say "hello". From there let the conversation flow on it's own.

If you really do not want to talk on the phone for most people (Trek Ryder being the exception) it would be acceptable to follow your desires and just meet without talking on the phone first.

As an aside, though relevant, I do not like talking on the phone, ever. The few matches that I have had who insisted on talking on the phone before the first date did not go as well as the first dates where I did not talk on the phone first. As to Trek Ryder (and others) who seem to think that talking on the phone in someway is indicative of their ability to carry on a conversation in person, I say poppycock! I have nothing to say on the phone, I can be very much the Energizer Bunny of conversation in person with someone who can hold up their end of the conversation.
 
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TrekRyder10 is offline TrekRyder10 Post #9  September 29,2010, 6:18am
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
As an aside, though relevant, I do not like talking on the phone, ever. The few matches that I have had who insisted on talking on the phone before the first date did not go as well as the first dates where I did not talk on the phone first. As to Trek Ryder (and others) who seem to think that talking on the phone in someway is indicative of their ability to carry on a conversation in person, I say poppyxxx I have nothing to say on the phone, I can be very much the Energizer Bunny of conversation in person with someone who can hold up their end of the conversation.
Call it whatever you want..

Everytime I've played dentist on the phone, I had to play dentist during the first meet.

When a phone call to set-up a date just seemed to flow, the first meets have all gone that way as well.

the pre-date call is not so much to discover their ability to carry on a conversation over the phone, as it is to see if our personalities match. I understand people are nervous or shy and that is my screening tool to expose them. I prefer the assertive type vs the shy quiet type.

unlike you I don't ask deep probing questions over email, that people can take their sweet old time formulating the pefect answer to, and I will never ask someone out over email.

Since a large majority of people poof during the stages or stay in email forever. IMO moving to the phone shows signs of interest. So I will do it sooner rather than later.
Last edited by TrekRyder10; September 29,2010 at 6:41am.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #10  September 29,2010, 6:45am

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it's not about hating to talk on the phone or liking it.

a 5 minute conversation isn't going to kill you. everyone has to do things they don't enjoy every once in a while. *shrug
 
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