Hesitant...and don't know why?!


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figuring_out is offline figuring_out Post #1  September 28,2010, 10:05am
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I've been seeing a guy casually for a little less than a month. Things are going really well. We have a great time together, have a lot in common, there's a mutual attraction...it's all good so far.

I am fairly certain that he has stopped seeing other women. We have not had any kind of exclusivity conversation, but based on other things he has said and the frequency of his communications with me, I am under the impression he's not seeing anyone else. I have also not been on a date with anyone else in the past couple of weeks, however I have still been checking out new matches and haven't closed the door to meeting anyone new.

There is something about this guy that is just making me hesitate. I wouldn't go so far to say that there's a "little voice" or a "gut feeling" that's telling me he isn't right...in fact, my instincts all tell me to just go for it with this guy...but there is something that is holding me back and preventing me from really accepting him as a potential long term relationship partner.

It's odd to me because I am looking for a long term relationship and not wanting to stop at the casual/non-serious dating place. I just can't figure out what it is that is making me have doubts about moving forward with this guy. Has anyone ever experienced anything like this? Have you ever met someone that seemed great...seemed like it could really work...but something just didn't feel right?
 
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thrashee is offline thrashee Post #2  September 28,2010, 10:13am
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It may be as simple as a lack of true chemistry. You can be attracted to someone and think they're great "on paper" but for whatever inexplicable reason, it just doesn't click.
 
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BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #3  September 28,2010, 10:15am
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Yes, I am currently going through it as I type this response to you.

I think part of me isn't physically attracted to the woman as a whole. She has a pretty face, but I am not feeling the body type. She is currently working on it which is a plus, but still...

I do like the person's overall disposition and she has a great sense of humor not to mention is very ambitious, great conversationalist, and very intelligent.

Seems to me like we would make great friends, but I am not sure if she would make a great gf for me.

I am also looking at other profiles and somewhat communicating with others or shall I say someone else(still in the GC stage).

I am not concerned if any of my matches is communicating with others. I don't expect them to only talk to me. That is their choice. I only can control what I want and what I need in someone.

I guess the both of us can simply take things one day at a time and see what happens. In the meantime, do what we are doing and hopefully we will receive our revelation on what direction to take.

B.Y.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #4  September 28,2010, 10:16am
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Less than a month is just too soon to tell anything other than the fun, attraction etc. you spoke of. Why do you have to "accept him as a potential long term partner" this early into things? See where it goes
figuring_out wrote :
I've been seeing a guy casually for a little less than a month.
There is something about this guy that is just making me hesitate. I wouldn't go so far to say that there's a "little voice" or a "gut feeling" that's telling me he isn't right...in fact, my instincts all tell me to just go for it with this guy...but there is something that is holding me back and preventing me from really accepting him as a potential long term relationship partner.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #5  September 28,2010, 10:23am
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Yes, I've definitely experienced it and for me it's been a certain lack of physical attraction/chemistry. So from a rational perspective the person is attractive and we get along and so on, but when it comes to relationships, sometimes that's just not enough. Continuing to try to see the person and to essentially force things has never worked out. That lack of whatever just does not go away with time.
 
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figuring_out is offline figuring_out Post #6  September 28,2010, 10:41am
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Hi, and thanks for your responses. My first thoughts went directly to the chemistry factor, but I just don't think that's what the issue is. I am very attracted to him, and we clearly have a very solid connection. I think we both felt like there was a chemistry between us right from the start of things.

Maybe Wiseman is right...it's just to soon to feel anything more than what I'm already feeling at this point...

I guess I am just worried to get too far along and not have this "thing" that is missing be resolved. I don't want him to feel I've strung him along...I don't want to waste anyone's time. Is it wrong to just continue on a path and see where it goes if I already have a bit of doubt?

On the other hand, isn't it wrong to deny myself the chance to be with someone great when I can't even clearly define a particular issue or problem?
Last edited by figuring_out; September 28,2010 at 10:43am.
 
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BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #7  September 28,2010, 10:50am
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figuring_out wrote :
Hi, and thanks for your responses. My first thoughts went directly to the chemistry factor, but I just don't think that's what the issue is. I am very attracted to him, and we clearly have a very solid connection. I think we both felt like there was a chemistry between us right from the start of things.

Maybe Wiseman is right...it's just to soon to feel anything more than what I'm already feeling at this point...

I guess I am just worried to get too far along and not have this "thing" that is missing be resolved. I don't want him to feel I've strung him along...I don't want to waste anyone's time. Is it wrong to just continue on a path and see where it goes if I already have a bit of doubt?

On the other hand, isn't it wrong to deny myself the chance to be with someone great when I can't even clearly define a particular issue or problem?

It sounds like you are afraid of failure. I think it is natural to be afraid for things to start off great only for things to crash and burn later on(especially when feelings get involved).

It is definitely too early to know if this person is right or wrong for you. If you stop thinking about the negatives and focus on the positives, then it may give you some peace of mind.

Worse case scenario, things don't work out. Ok, that's life. I am sure it isn't something you haven't already experienced before. But, I believe you also know that most problems can be worked out, if both people put forth mutual effort to make things work.

Please enjoy his company and prescence so he can enjoy yours. If it is meant to be where you will end up in an LTR with this man, then it will happen. If not, then you move on to someone else.

B.Y.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #8  September 28,2010, 10:58am
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figuring_out wrote :
Hi, and thanks for your responses. My first thoughts went directly to the chemistry factor, but I just don't think that's what the issue is. I am very attracted to him, and we clearly have a very solid connection. I think we both felt like there was a chemistry between us right from the start of things.

Maybe Wiseman is right...it's just to soon to feel anything more than what I'm already feeling at this point...

I guess I am just worried to get too far along and not have this "thing" that is missing be resolved. I don't want him to feel I've strung him along...I don't want to waste anyone's time. Is it wrong to just continue on a path and see where it goes if I already have a bit of doubt?

On the other hand, isn't it wrong to deny myself the chance to be with someone great when I can't even clearly define a particular issue or problem?
In light of that, no, it's not wrong to continue to get to know someone. That is the whole point of dating - you get to know the person. Also, doubt is normal to one degree or another. No person is perfect and what we do have to figure out is if we can live with that person's imperfections. Of course there is doubt and uncertainty involved in that. Eventually you will figure out what it is that is bothering you specifically or it will go away, but you do need to give yourself a chance to do that. Don't be so hasty to move on that you throw out the baby with the bathwater.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #9  September 28,2010, 11:04am
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figuring_out wrote :
Hi, and thanks for your responses. My first thoughts went directly to the chemistry factor, but I just don't think that's what the issue is. I am very attracted to him, and we clearly have a very solid connection. I think we both felt like there was a chemistry between us right from the start of things.

Maybe Wiseman is right...it's just to soon to feel anything more than what I'm already feeling at this point...

I guess I am just worried to get too far along and not have this "thing" that is missing be resolved. I don't want him to feel I've strung him along...I don't want to waste anyone's time. Is it wrong to just continue on a path and see where it goes if I already have a bit of doubt?

On the other hand, isn't it wrong to deny myself the chance to be with someone great when I can't even clearly define a particular issue or problem?
In most cases, a month is too soon to know anything, about anyone.
Take it easy..take it slow. It doesn't sound like he's pressuring you to push the relationship further than what you're wanting, now, so enjoy it for what it is.

30 days is not a long time...relax.
 
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Getting_There is offline Getting_There Post #10  September 28,2010, 1:01pm
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I've had something like this happen but it was more related to differences in our personality. I decided I didn't have enough information and kept seeing him for awhile longer before I could my finger on what was making me hesitate.

You should probably keep seeing him for awhile longer and gain more information about who he really is before you decide what to do. You might consider stop viewing new matches for awhile so you can truly focus on him and try to figure out what's going on?
 
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