Goomph is offline Goomph — Advice Member-Moderator Post #1  September 28,2010, 3:03am
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Have you ever asked someone for a first meeting and let them choose the location and the time ? Of course you did. Were you ever asked to meet at XXX for coffee after which you can proceed to meet with your match's close relative and friends for dinner ?

I believe I am going to close this match .... and advice ? Isn't this a typical too much too early and a HUGE red flag ?


P.S. No, this is not the "do I call her" match for those with a good memory.
 
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TrekRyder10 is offline TrekRyder10 Post #2  September 28,2010, 4:15am
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Nope I haven't, I always select the place and time of the meet. If my match has an issue with either, then I will adjust.

The meeting friends and relatives afterwards., yeah not going to happen.

Seriously who does that???
 
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javajava5 is offline javajava5 Post #3  September 28,2010, 4:18am
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Dear Goomph,

It's my pleasure meeting you here and I couldn't help but laugh at some of the things that come up on these boards.

There is a bit of a humorous side to it . . . . It would be interesting to know what in the world she is thinking . . . .

First, though, let me congratulate you on having a match who responded and who wants to meet with you. There are some here who do not get this far even!

Now, there are several things you can do, of course, depending on what you want.

In a way, it would be interesting to do this whole event as it would certainly be quite a learning experience and really, one never knows.

It is possible this is her families' way. Maybe they're old-fashioned such as in the day when a boy asked a girl out, he went up to the door, met the parents and such, might be grilled a bit even, before taking their daughter out. Really, it could all be quite innocent. Don't read into it - not that you are.

Another way you could handle it is to go for coffee, but mention ahead of time that you'd like to see how things go which is a prudent course. See if that's agreeable with her.

Yet another is to talk more with her and ask what's this all about as you hardly know each other and don't want the distraction of meeting others when you're trying to get to know her.

Or you could say that you want to get to know her first before meeting any of the significant people in her life.

Don't be too quick to close. It is different is all. Maybe it's a sort of test to see how flexible you might be.

We could speculate almost endlessly and still never know what she's thinking.

You could just come out and ask her which seems the sensible course of action to me. Then, you will have a better understanding and can make an even better determination on what course of action you'd like to take.

In a way, it's sort of flattering to you that she'd want to introduce you to her family and friends. Quite frankly, she has great respect for you to want you to meet these folks. If she didn't, she would never have suggested this as she would not want to be embarrassed in front of people.

Obviously, you must measure up in some way with your profile, communications to date, and such.

Maybe, too, she has shared information back and forth about you with these people and perhaps they're pressuring her to meet you. Again, we simply don't know.

Don't be too quick to judge this unusual situation. Sometimes things that are different can be needlessly threatening to us.

I'm of the mind that you should go ahead, have fun, and see what comes of it. Nothing ventured, nothing gained!

You can always use it as an interesting story if it doesn't work out!

Now let me share a story with you. I know a former widower and widow who were introduced through mutual friends.

They lived several hours from each other, and for whatever reasons, it was decided they would meet at the couple's home who was introducing them and each would bring their children.

Well, he had four kids and she three and they all sat in a room with their kids and the couple.

As the lady told me, "It was very awkward and embarrassing," especially when her youngest started telling the man what her mom could and couldn't cook.

Anyway, to make a long story short, from such awkward and unusual beginnings, they fell in love, married, and now all their children are grown and they have grandchildren.

You just never know . . . .

I vote for rising to the challenge and having some fun with it! Sometimes it's good to get out of one's comfort zone and go with the flow.

You might meet some interesting people, broaden your horizons, and have an enjoyable meal.

Wishing you well and keep us posted.

JavaJava5
Last edited by javajava5; September 30,2010 at 4:25am.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #4  September 28,2010, 4:25am
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Even if the goal isn't to introduce her people to her future husband, it's just way too strange.
At the very best, she got strange advice about getting a second opinion on you
Just for fun, before closing, just tell her coffee only. She what she does.
But have to say, her even suggesting it, is a turn-off in and of itself.
Goomph wrote :
Were you ever asked to meet at XXX for coffee after which you can proceed to meet with your match's close relative and friends for dinner ?
I believe I am going to close this match .... and advice ? Yes, way too weird Isn't this a typical too much too early and a HUGE red flag ?
.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #5  September 28,2010, 4:30am
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Just when I think one of my matches is strange.....I come here and read stuff like this. That's pretty messed up. I'd actually clue her in why you are declining and explain in detail why her behavior is socially unacceptable.
 
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SierraMountainAir is offline SierraMountainAir Post #6  September 28,2010, 5:42am
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Goomph wrote :
Were you ever asked to meet at XXX for coffee after which you can proceed to meet with your match's close relative and friends for dinner ?

I believe I am going to close this match .... and advice ? Isn't this a typical too much too early and a HUGE red flag ?






Don't you know one when you see one???!!

Last edited by 6dle899; September 28,2010 at 5:49am.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #7  September 28,2010, 5:50am

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Goomph wrote :
Have you ever asked someone for a first meeting and let them choose the location and the time ? Of course you did. Were you ever asked to meet at XXX for coffee after which you can proceed to meet with your match's close relative and friends for dinner ?

I believe I am going to close this match .... and advice ? Isn't this a typical too much too early and a HUGE red flag ?


P.S. No, this is not the "do I call her" match for those with a good memory.


ok.

i think you should tell her you will meet for coffee but will not meet her family until/if you are dating. ask her why you would be meeting them on a first date.

then report back here what she says.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #8  September 28,2010, 6:01am
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scarlet13 wrote :


ok.

i think you should tell her you will meet for coffee but will not meet her family until/if you are dating. ask her why you would be meeting them on a first date.
This is what I would do, also.
Anyone who would request such a thing needs to explain the reason why, in my book.
I would think that a match could not make decisions on their own(about our compatibility)if they are requesting to "meet the parents" on the 1st date..
Last edited by TheThinker; September 28,2010 at 6:04am.
 
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ISearch4Love is offline ISearch4Love Post #9  September 28,2010, 6:24am
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javajava5 wrote :
It is possible this is her families' way. Maybe they're old-fashioned
I agree with this. It may seem strange but for all you know to her it is perfectly normal.

javajava5 wrote :
Another way you could handle it is to go for coffee, but mention ahead of time that you'd like to see how things go
If the whole situation bothers you this also is a good idea.

javajava5 wrote :
you could say that you want to get to know her first before meeting any of the significant people in her life.
Again, I think this is a good idea.

javajava5 wrote :
Don't read into it

Don't be too quick to close.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained!
OK, I didn't really add a lot. I realize I just stated I agree with stuff that was already said but my reason for this is because I think all this is correct.

Most of the posters here indicate there is something wrong with her and seem to think you should run away.

What if their all wrong?

It may turn out she's a great person and someone you really would end up liking. As hard as it is to find a good match I'd at least give her a try before jumping to any conclusions.

If everyone else is right and she is a nut job, big deal. You'll find that out and can then tell her good by. If their wrong and you tell her good by now, for all you know you might be passing up on something that would turn out to be something you really want.

My advise, don't be too quick to judge.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  September 28,2010, 6:39am
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scarlet13 wrote :


ok.

i think you should tell her you will meet for coffee but will not meet her family until/if you are dating. ask her why you would be meeting them on a first date.

then report back here what she says.
This is reasonable advice.
 
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