Why do guys say one thing and do another? men, please weigh in


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sthngrl10 is offline sthngrl10 Post #1  September 27,2010, 6:44pm
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A guy that I've talked to for a while got really mad at me for something stupid and said he didn't want to talk to me anymore and to not text or call him. I was hurt, but said fine, if you want to end it over this, you didn't want me in your life that badly. Well a few days later he send me a text to see if I made it home safe after some travels, then a couple days later he texts me again and asks if I'm ok (went on another trip for work). I respond and that's really about it, he doesn't say anything else. Why is he texting me if he said he didn't want to talk anymore??? It makes no sense to me, and he is the type that is so strong willed that he wouldn't go back on his word. Any thoughts?
 
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WA_hiker is offline WA_hiker Post #2  September 27,2010, 6:50pm
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Perhaps he regrets ending it with you over whatever he originally got mad at you about. Perhaps he likes messing with your head. Perhaps he has no interest in you but is the protective/worrying type and for some reason just wants to know for his own peace of mind that you are ok. Perhaps he is trying to make himself feel better by finding out if you are ok / seeming nice, thus alleviating any guilt he might have over hurting your feelings originally. Could keep on speculating. Really could be anything given the little information provided.
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #3  September 27,2010, 7:13pm
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WA_hiker wrote :
Perhaps he regrets ending it with you over whatever he originally got mad at you about. Perhaps he likes messing with your head. Perhaps he has no interest in you but is the protective/worrying type and for some reason just wants to know for his own peace of mind that you are ok. Perhaps he is trying to make himself feel better by finding out if you are ok / seeming nice, thus alleviating any guilt he might have over hurting your feelings originally. Could keep on speculating. Really could be anything given the little information provided.
What he said!

Or... he could be hoping you'll open the door and ask him back, as his pride won't allow him to ask himself. Just know that if you do, he's just established the communication pattern that will likely repeat itself over and over throughout your relationship: over-react, tip-toe back in, get back together, over-react about something else, repeat. If you'd be fine with that, keep interacting with him. If not, I'd ignore his texts entirely.
 
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DashMN is offline DashMN Post #4  September 27,2010, 9:37pm
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sthngrl10 wrote :
...he is the type that is so strong willed that he wouldn't go back on his word.
Clearly, he isn't.

Wonderwoman402 wrote :
....the communication pattern that will likely repeat itself over and over throughout your relationship: over-react, tip-toe back in, get back together, over-react about something else, repeat. If you'd be fine with that, keep interacting with him. If not, I'd ignore his texts entirely.
Yep, that. If you like emotional roller coasters.....
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #5  September 28,2010, 2:59am
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Passive -Aggressive control freak. He says don't text,
He then texts See the pattern? He wants to call the shots, whatever they are , even if they contradict themselves
sthngrl10 wrote :
Said he didn't want to talk to me anymore and to not text or call him.
Well a few days later he send me a text to see if I made it home safe after some travels, then a couple days later he texts me again
Why is he texting me if he said he didn't want to talk anymore???
 
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Goomph is offline Goomph — Advice Member-Moderator Post #6  September 28,2010, 3:00am
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Well, if you like a roller coaster ride relationship, he is you guy You got really good advice right above. It is amazing the amount of experience knowledge hidden here in the forums. Please take the advice you asked for and simply ignore him.
 
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howardtheduck is offline howardtheduck Post #7  September 28,2010, 10:11am
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Clearly, men have learned fickle as an art form from women
 
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BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #8  September 28,2010, 10:22am
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sthngrl10 wrote :
A guy that I've talked to for a while got really mad at me for something stupid and said he didn't want to talk to me anymore and to not text or call him. I was hurt, but said fine, if you want to end it over this, you didn't want me in your life that badly. Well a few days later he send me a text to see if I made it home safe after some travels, then a couple days later he texts me again and asks if I'm ok (went on another trip for work). I respond and that's really about it, he doesn't say anything else. Why is he texting me if he said he didn't want to talk anymore??? It makes no sense to me, and he is the type that is so strong willed that he wouldn't go back on his word. Any thoughts?

The reason why men go back on their word is because men are human beings! What man do you know that is perfect? Some men are tempermental and quite impulsive with their words and actions, but after calming down, realize that they might have said or did something wrong and feels remorseful. That's human nature.

My question to you is: If you feel strongly about a person's word being his bond, then how come you did not hold him to it? Why did you respond to his texts?

I am not saying you shouldn't have responded to his texts. I understand if you wanted to still talk to him. Maybe you are a forgiving person? But, if you do decide to talk to him again and give him another shot, please inform him to never, ever come at you like that again. Also, tell him that if he has a problem with you for any reason, that he can come to you as an adult and with respect that way the problem can be addressed in a calm and civil fashion.

If you decide to hold him to his word, then do that. Delete his number and other contact information and move on.

B.Y.
 
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Getting_There is offline Getting_There Post #9  September 28,2010, 11:53am
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Seems like he may be having second thoughts or wants to keep you around even at a distance? But this doesn't seem like a good relationship for you to be in...

To have this happen so early in your relationship is a bad sign for future success. He sounds like a real "hot and cold" type which will be hard to deal with over the long haul. At the very least he has extremely poor communication skills. How can you solve problems together when the other person entirely shuts down communication like he did?

Couldn't tell by your posting whether you've actually met him in person yet?
 
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livinagin is offline livinagin Post #10  September 28,2010, 7:09pm
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Ah yes, the wonderful Mr. Hot/Cold. Been there, done that. Emotional roller coaster in the making.

Goomph, couldn't agree with you more. I am always so amazed by the advice we get here. Oodles! Wish we were as good at practicing it.
 
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