After date, 2 ignored e-mails - should I call?


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wax_lion is offline wax_lion Post #1  September 26,2010, 6:50pm
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Hi,

After being matched with somebody on eHarmony we went through the 4 steps and got to e-mailing and all was going great. The e-mails were flying fast and furious, basically one-a-day from each side. We decided to meet and had a, from my point of view, fabulous first date. There was dinner (which I paid for) and then she suggested a walk and we talked, had a lot in common, and basically had 2.5 hours of a great time. At the end of the date I told her I had fun, she said the same, and I said I'd e-mail her.

That was last Monday. I e-mailed her on Tuesday (keeping within the 24h window - I am not really that comfortable on the phone) and haven't heard anything since then (it'll soon be a week). I sent her a second e-mail on Friday after 3 days of no response, this time through eHarmony (to avoid junk mail filters etc. since she clearly got those e-mails before), asking if she got my e-mail from Tuesday and if she was okay. I also said that maybe I'm not getting the hint, but in that case I'd need it "spelled out." Still no answer.

Now I know she is very busy, but I do take eHarmony's "The Do You Like Me Problem" article's first point about being a priority to heart. No matter how busy you are, you should be able to find the 5 seconds it takes to write a quick e-mail reply. But then again, the date was probably the best first date I've been on. And admittedly, I am not a very frequent dater, but I thought I could tell if the other partner was having fun and it seemed like she was.

At this point I am not very optimistic, but I am thinking about giving it a last try and calling her. But isn't that a) pushy and b) just not getting the hint and asking to be "dumped" over the phone? Assuming the worst - that she doesn't want to see me again - she obviously didn't feel like dumping me even via e-mail so forcing her to do it over the phone isn't very gentlemanly ...

What do you guys think? To call or not to call? Am I just asking to be hurt explicitly over the phone or is there any chance that it's just miscommunication (lost e-mails, no internet connection on her side, etc.)?

Thanks,

Wax Lion
Last edited by wax_lion; September 26,2010 at 6:52pm.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #2  September 26,2010, 6:56pm
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She enjoyed a free dinner with someone she probably knew at the time she would be ignoring.

Your two e-mails are more than enough.

Your call is unlikely to be answered, your message unlikely to be returned.

This is only a lesson for the future.
 
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sfnurse is offline sfnurse Post #3  September 26,2010, 7:07pm
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Wow - that's tough. I understand you not wanting to be hurt (who does?) but I would give her quick call. Check to make sure she's okay (she could have had a very good reason for not calling) and if she is alright, just let her know that you wanted to hear what she was thinking and if you should continue to call her or not. Get it out in the open. It may hurt, but better now than after chasing her and having to endure all the wondering and a possible deeper pain later.
 
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ravitaekwondo is offline ravitaekwondo Post #4  September 26,2010, 7:17pm
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Hi there OP:

First, D_Lion, while I know you are trying to be helpful, I think you are being a little too harsh. A little words of comfort would go a long way, my friend. The person who posted here is obviously confused and is hurt. He doesn't need to be scolded.

Now, to the OP: Sorry to hear about the torment you are going through. Who knows what could have happened, but you are right, she could send a quick e-mail/text/phone call to thank you, and if she is interested in going out again. I myself put in 16 hour days, but yet I make the time to communicate very promptly to my matches.

I would say give her a call. If not, then I would say move on. The fact that she cannot get back to you means she is probably not a very caring type of person.

Let us know what happens. We're here for you!!!
 
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pamcam is offline pamcam Post #5  September 26,2010, 7:40pm
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Call. You've already met. Emailing is a step back, not forward.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #6  September 26,2010, 7:45pm
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ravitaekwondo wrote :
First, D_Lion, while I know you are trying to be helpful, I think you are being a little too harsh. A little words of comfort would go a long way, my friend. The person who posted here is obviously confused and is hurt. He doesn't need to be scolded.
He wasn't scolding. He said exactly what needed to be said.

Look, it happens. Man up, forget her, and move on to the next match. Don't make the mistake of letting it become "torment". It was just an e-date. Forget it and move on.
 
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CluelessinATX is offline CluelessinATX Post #7  September 26,2010, 9:08pm
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D_Lion wrote :
She enjoyed a free dinner with someone she probably knew at the time she would be ignoring.

Your two e-mails are more than enough.

Your call is unlikely to be answered, your message unlikely to be returned.

This is only a lesson for the future.

I hate to tell the OP, but I agree with D_Lion.

I have had this happen many times. Your email isn't getting blocked by spam filters. It is being ignored. That is how many women these days reject men. It says a lot about the person doing the rejecting. It is very selfish and rude. Your lucky you found this out after just one meet.

If you want to make sure, call her. If the call goes to voicemail, it is being ignored.

My advice, try your luck with another match. This one is a poofer.
 
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pltkcelestial18 is offline pltkcelestial18 Post #8  September 26,2010, 9:17pm
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I have to agree with D_Lion, Melman and clueless. She's probably not interested.

I've actually had this happen to me a couple of times, though the second time I manged to get free dinner and a liter of rum out of it. I went on two different dates with two different guys from OKCupid and thought things were going well with both of them and then the next day or so, I think I either texted or called and got no response so I emailed and didn't get a response so I just chalked it up to them not being interested. They both happened to be around 31 or 32. It bothered me that they didn't have the courtesy to at least tell me they weren't interested, but I guess some people just lack common courtesy.

Sorry you had to learn it the hard way though.
 
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daveneo6 is offline daveneo6 Post #9  September 26,2010, 9:30pm
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I feel I have a very effective way of dealing with "flakes". If they don't respond to my first communication attempt after meeting, whether it's an email or a text or a phone call, they get one final/2nd shot because people can be busy or have things come up. I always call them for the final/2nd time and it goes something like this because it's usually a voice mail message. So you can literally read it into the phone, if she answers and talks to you then there's no need to go into the voice mail message.

"Hey it's Dave, I really enjoyed meeting you and I had a great time. I'd like to meet up again when you have time so call me and I'll say yes. If not, it was nice meeting you and good luck out there." (SMILE WHEN YOU ARE TALKING!! PEOPLE CAN HEAR THAT AND YOU SOUND HAPPY!!!)

This does several things in a few short sweet sentences:

1. It shows you have effective communication which is essential in any healthy relationship.
2. It shows you are assertive, which is another plus in any relationship.
3. It lets her know that you want to hang out with her but not in a needy sort of way because you also in the last line are completely prepared to move on.
4. Also it takes the pressure off her whether or not you will say yes to meeting again so she can feel free to ask you. There is no guessing you came right out and said it.
5. You were also not a sore loser when you do move on because you said it was nice to meet her and wished her good luck out there. Nobody likes a spoiled sport.
6. And finally you are putting resolution on whatever you had together by basically saying I want to meet up but if not then take care!

I have had women call me back after this voicemail and I have also had women not respond. All you can control is yourself and this is the best way I have found so far...

Good luck!

Dave
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #10  September 27,2010, 2:44am
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Dude, you've been poofed on.

But just in case, I'd give ONE phone call, and have an activity planned.

But chances are you've been poofed on.
 
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