breaking a dating hiatus. scared spitless.


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sparowe is offline sparowe Post #1  September 26,2010, 11:53am
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Hi. I welcome all honest advice; in fact consider this my sub-official plea for it.

Whew. Right. The situation (fist pumps for sparowe): early thirties woman. Abundance of good and bad qualities. Decides she has had the wrong idea about relationships, men, what she can offer &c &c. Takes a year off.

Now, this is a year of no romantic activity whatsoever. None. This is a smart, pretty woman who finally admitted she was not doing productive things and needed a nice long stint in the time-out corner. It helped. I feel much more like I know myself.

So, it is now within the realm of possibility that I will meet a guy. Eharm match. Highly compatible and he clearly likes me, which doesn't much happen since I am... a little odd. No, no. Unconventional. Same city. &c. Now, about me, because I don't know him yet. It is true that I am nice-looking, witty, funny, strange and charismatic. I am also overly thinky, impatient, afraid to fail, and... there are many things I am trying to improve.

But I like this guy. I think I am a bit askeered. Not unready, just out of the loop. Provided the detail on me to help tailor your advice. What the sam hill do I do? I don't want to barnfather this thing.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #2  September 26,2010, 12:19pm
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Well, it sounds like you have a style that is going to go over well with a conversationally-inclined man - or one who likes you as you are.

I am always in favor of a longer dinner meeting; I think in your instance that is even more advised:

A nice meal puts a spotlight on the ability to converse.

Time affords the nerves to die (and the wine to make sure of this.)
 
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scully98 is offline scully98 Post #3  September 26,2010, 12:27pm
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I remember that scared-to-death feeling before my first date after my divorce. All I can say is, try to relax as much as possible before the date. Listen to your favorite music while you're getting ready, and in the car, and take lots of deep breaths before walking into the restaurant. Once you settle in, and your booty is firmly in your chair at the restaurant/coffeehouse/etc, you will find yourself, hopefully, calming down even more and settling into the date within about ten minutes.

I even went so far as to warn my third date, since I knew what I'd done with the first two dates with other guys, that I might act a little strange the first ten minutes, but then the real me would appear. He thought that was cute, and was prepared for a non-hug or a slight cold shoulder for those first ten minutes as my shyness wore off and my real personality surfaced.

Good luck! I bet you do just fine!
 
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sparowe is offline sparowe Post #4  September 26,2010, 12:30pm
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Bien, d_lion. Yes, I am overly talkative, but moderation is a quality on which I'm working.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #5  September 26,2010, 12:32pm
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The rest of us are working on removing moderation.

Overcoming inhibition, too.
 
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sparowe is offline sparowe Post #6  September 26,2010, 12:33pm
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Bien, scully. This is all reasonable and doable. Plus, I am a candid person, so saying things like 'I'm so glad to meet you. I don't normally dress this way.' ...they just roll off the tongue! Ha ha!
 
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sparowe is offline sparowe Post #7  September 26,2010, 12:35pm
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D_lion: this innate moderation of which you speak? This inhibition? I know not of what you speak. In for a penny, in for a pound, innit?
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #8  September 26,2010, 12:39pm
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Moderation vexes us.

We do not like to be vexed.
 
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sparowe is offline sparowe Post #9  September 26,2010, 2:02pm
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It vexes us as well. Conversation from last night's end-of-shift:

Me (brandishing squeeze stress toy): Choose your attitude!
Coworker: ahhh.... Beer and cigarettes.
Me: Coconut rum and napalm!

Seriously. What do I do if I am too nervous to seem cool? My upper lip sweats. That ent cool.
 
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Gaffer is offline Gaffer Post #10  September 26,2010, 2:04pm
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sparowe wrote :
Bien, d_lion. Yes, I am overly talkative, but moderation is a quality on which I'm working.
when you say you talk a lot, is it random gibberish (think Taz), or is it relative to the topic at hand and you just have a lot to say about it (ie, easily passionate about many topics)?
 
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