Gentlemen, flirting lesson for ladies, please:) What works and what doen't?


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windsurfing is offline windsurfing Post #1  September 25,2010, 9:44am
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Any suggestions in a situation like parties?

I try to make eye contact and smile at them. The guys come around.

During the conversations, I just try to listen smilingly, look at him in the eyes, and show excitment and admiration, and laugh often.

When I developed trust with the person over a couple of meetings, I initiate a good-night hug with him. I'd be comfortable with closer body space, too.

Let me know what works and what does not.
Any other suggestions are also appreciated.

p.s. What should I do with guys who give you a business card without asking my number. Shall I email him at his work????
Last edited by windsurfing; September 25,2010 at 9:59am.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #2  September 25,2010, 11:19am
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windsurfing wrote :
During the conversations, I just try to listen smilingly, look at him in the eyes, and show excitment and admiration, and laugh often.

This sounds to me to be too timid for my taste. Probably would have worked for my grandfather, though.

I like to see a woman interject, and feel confident to state her positions clearly. Just listen, and I won't be interested.

Guys will seek to get attractive woman alone - you can't have a conversation with more than two people; that's your sign a guy is interested.

Same applies: if you like a guy, and wish to let him know, or get his contact information, start by getting some distance from others.


windsurfing wrote :
When I developed trust with the person over a couple of meetings, I initiate a good-night hug with him. I'd be comfortable with closer body space, too.

I think after delay of this length, and not being more active, you've got yourself into the "friend zone."


windsurfing wrote :
What should I do with guys who give you a business card without asking my number. Shall I email him at his work????

If you want, yes. e-mail or call is fine. It does seem to be common that men give their number to women, rather than ask hers. This is because many women like to be able to block the call ID, and women who give out numbers usually don't answer their phone.

Personally, I would prefer an e-mail, in which she identified herself ("It's Jane from the party at Mike's house.") and then made clear her reason for the message (a meeting invitation.)
 
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astro42 is offline astro42 Post #3  September 25,2010, 11:35am
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I won't speak for every guy. But for me:

Treat me like a piece of cheap meat.

Or the closer you can get the better. I get compliments for being funny and smart and interesting all the time, but relatively few for my appearance. I find it's the rarer compliments and flirts (physical for me) that stand out.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #4  September 25,2010, 12:02pm
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Agree with getting alone. He doesn't want to be shot down in front of his or your friends.
Just start up a conversation, as you would with anyone else. ...but.. touch his forearm lightly once during the conversation.
He will know you are interested.
 
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KungFuFtr is offline KungFuFtr Post #5  September 25,2010, 2:13pm
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I agree with what the others said about creating some distance from your friends. Just tell your female friends not to rock block. Don't rely on the guy to uphold the entire conversation, ask questions and address him by his name often. If you're over the age of 18, avoid playing/twirling your hair and biting your lip.
 
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windsurfing is offline windsurfing Post #6  September 25,2010, 5:00pm
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D_Lion wrote :
Guys will seek to get attractive woman alone - you can't have a conversation with more than two people; that's your sign a guy is interested.

Same applies: if you like a guy, and wish to let him know, or get his contact information, start by getting some distance from others.
Sure. I mostly talk one-to-one. Yesterday, though, when I was talking with a very nice guy, another guy came in, introduced himself, and started to brag his career. This pushed that nice guy away. It took me a while until I could excuse myself from the bragger for "another drink." That was annoying.

wrote :
If you want, yes. e-mail or call is fine. It does seem to be common that men give their number to women, rather than ask hers. This is because many women like to be able to block the call ID, and women who give out numbers usually don't answer their phone.
Oh, I see. I was very puzzled by the several business cards that I got. First, why were they giving out business cards, instead of cards for more private networking? So I said "Oh, I don't have my business card with me." Then they didn't ask my contact info even though there was such a thing as cell phone. So I thought that they were not interested in at all. More assertive men said, "You should give me your phone number/email address, okay?" and we exchanged phone number just on spot. I liked it better.
wrote :

Personally, I would prefer an e-mail, in which she identified herself ("It's Jane from the party at Mike's house.")
Oh, I would never call the ones who gave me BUSINESS CARDS! Work phone numbers! That's so weird and inappropriate, isn't it?? That's why I thought they were being weird in giving out business cards. It won't work. I appreciate their trust in revealing very important info though.
wrote :

and then made clear her reason for the message (a meeting invitation.)
I don't know if this is again too passive, but I was thinking of just saying "very nice meeting you. let me know something fun comes up. look forward to seeing you soon" kind of line. Is that too passive?
I am also still very hesitant to send such a private email to his work email address. Would it be inappropriate if the men worked for companies???
Last edited by windsurfing; September 25,2010 at 5:07pm.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  September 25,2010, 5:09pm
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windsurfing wrote :
Any suggestions in a situation like parties?

I try to make eye contact and smile at them. The guys come around.

During the conversations, I just try to listen smilingly, look at him in the eyes, and show excitement and admiration, and laugh often.

When I developed trust with the person over a couple of meetings, I initiate a good-night hug with him. I'd be comfortable with closer body space, too.

Let me know what works and what does not.
Any other suggestions are also appreciated.

p.s. What should I do with guys who give you a business card without asking my number. Shall I email him at his work????
If I don't get at hug at the end of the first date you have lost my interest.
 
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windsurfing is offline windsurfing Post #8  September 25,2010, 5:19pm
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astro42 wrote :
I won't speak for every guy. But for me:

Treat me like a piece of cheap meat.

Or the closer you can get the better. I get compliments for being funny and smart and interesting all the time, but relatively few for my appearance. I find it's the rarer compliments and flirts (physical for me) that stand out.
Good point. Even though it's a bit hard to see which compliments may be rarer for each guy, it seems that compliments on appearance seem to be relatively rare for guys to receive.

I'd honestly find it difficult to say "you look cute" etc to a man I've just met.

At the yesterday's party, for example, I complimented only one guy on his physical appearance. It was also only when he brought it up himself.

When the guy mentioned his height (6' 3) as I looked him up, I said he had "a proportionate body, not just tall, but muscular." He said it was the first time to be told so and was pleased.

As he also said everyone gets surprised at the gap between his appearance (30ish) his age (23), I said "your mature looks would earn trust at the bank you are working for." That was again very appreciated.

I just find it a bit difficult to bring up compliments on physical appearance without being brought up by the guy first. I think it nice if I could do so though. I give girls appearance-based compliments very often, but with guys, it gets difficult. If there are nice ways to do so, let me know.
Last edited by windsurfing; September 25,2010 at 6:48pm.
 
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windsurfing is offline windsurfing Post #9  September 25,2010, 5:35pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
If I don't get at hug at the end of the first date you have lost my interest.
Oh, it's not a date, just parties. So I shake hands at the first party and I hug at the second party .
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #10  September 25,2010, 5:37pm
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windsurfing wrote :
Sure. I mostly talk one-to-one. Yesterday, though, when I was talking with a very nice guy, another guy came in, introduced himself, and started to brag his career. This pushed that nice guy away. It took me a while until I could excuse myself from the bragger for "another drink." That was annoying.

That's why they're called "alpha males." You push the weak ones out of the way to take what you want.

Having guys do this sounds encouraging - it means they want to talk to you.


windsurfing wrote :
Oh, I would never call the ones who gave me BUSINESS CARDS! Work phone numbers! That's so weird and inappropriate, isn't it??

When real jobs extend well outside of "normal" work hours, it is fine. I take phone calls and e-mails from partners all the time. (Just don't send pictures, internet links, forwarded junk from friends, etc.)


windsurfing wrote :
I don't know if this is again too passive, but I was thinking of just saying "very nice meeting you. let me know something fun comes up. look forward to seeing you soon" kind of line. Is that too passive?

If the person had already indicated interest in you, I think this is fine. If it was just a party and did not seem personal, I might need something more to get through to me and make me notice.

Really, think about it this way:

Terms like "somthing fun" or "soon" don't really have impact, compared to "my son's high school football game," or "this Sunday afternoon."

Specific detail is what breaks through clutter.


windsurfing wrote :
I am also still very hesitant to send such a private email to his work email address. Would it be inappropriate if the men worked for companies???

He gave the address. It was his choice to be contacted there.

Keep in mind, men are identified and valued by society by their job.
 
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