What to do when you're re-interested in someone you used to date?


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betweenhereandthere is offline betweenhereandthere Post #1  September 24,2010, 12:57pm
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If you find yourself interested in somebody again, that you had dated at one time - not seriously, but have since moved on from, do you re-engage that person and see if they still might be interested? Or do you just chalk it up to bad timing and let it pass, and move on?
 
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dmi is offline dmi Post #2  September 24,2010, 1:16pm
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If there were any significant issues that caused me to move on, I would not revisit the possibility of a relationship. I've done that in the past and the same issues caused the same problems and the second or third time around wasn't nearly as much fun.

If it was just bad timing, a luke warm response, or something like that the first time around, sure, why not?
 
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semperfigirl86 is offline semperfigirl86 Post #3  September 24,2010, 1:19pm
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I had friends that kept telling me that he wanted to know how I was doing, so it resparked my interest in him. We had dated almost 19 yrs ago.

Sadly, he still felt the feelings from 19 yrs. ago and still thought that we would just pick up where we left off. He remained stuck in the past.

Sure I'm still that same person, but I not. By that I mean, I still have the same values, morals, etc., I've also had almost 20 more years of life experiences. I've changed and grown, but he still seemed stuck in the past. I wanted to grow together as a couple and he thought we could just stay the same as before.

It didn't work out because we wanted different things in our lives. I guess there was a reason things didn't work out 19 yrs ago either. Something to think about!
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #4  September 24,2010, 1:20pm
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I tend not to favor a second attempt unless there was a clear reason for the prior attempt not succeeding, which has been corrected.
 
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Shantak is offline Shantak Post #5  September 24,2010, 1:27pm
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Typically I say no to that, mainly because it is too easy to compair it to how it was, and not how it was in reality but an idealized how it was.

But everyone is different, if both of you can forget the past and start fresh, then I say sure, if not it's asking for a rehash of everything that went wrong before.
 
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KISS_keepitsimplesam is offline KISS_keepitsimplesam Post #6  September 24,2010, 2:22pm
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That would depend on how the relationship ended the first time. If there were no knives involved in the intial breakup, then it's probably safe to re-inititate contact with that person. What you might want to do is be ready to explain why (s)he wasn't good enough before but now (s)he is looking good. The point being that, depending on the other party, they may think that you broke up the first time to pursue another relationship and now you're back because that relationship didn't work out. Nobody wants to be someone else's sloppy seconds. So prepare your story and be ready to defend it. Good luck!
 
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ISearch4Love is offline ISearch4Love Post #7  September 24,2010, 5:51pm
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dmi wrote :
If there were any significant issues that caused me to move on, I would not revisit the possibility of a relationship. I've done that in the past and the same issues caused the same problems and the second or third time around wasn't nearly as much fun.

If it was just bad timing, a luke warm response, or something like that the first time around, sure, why not?
This is what I would say, someone beat me to it again!
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #8  September 24,2010, 6:15pm
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betweenhereandthere wrote :
If you find yourself interested in somebody again, that you had dated at one time - not seriously, but have since moved on from, do you re-engage that person and see if they still might be interested? Or do you just chalk it up to bad timing and let it pass, and move on?
I don't think that my input is relevant as I think you mean having dated someone for some extended amount of time and I rarely get past the first date.

But if there was some reason for me to end it then there would be no reason for me to revisit dating that person. If she ended it I take that as final, I don't play games or chase. But that is just me, YMMV.
 
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robv_la is offline robv_la Post #9  September 25,2010, 12:24pm
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Look forward not backward. Things end between two people for a reason.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #10  September 25,2010, 12:40pm
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Backtracking through the black book? People do it all the time.
Who hasn't gotten the "Hi, hey been thinking about you, how are you doing?, want to get a coffee?"
And sometimes two people are in different places and it may work. Worst that can happen is. "Oh hi, yeah,...fine got married last month, how are you?".
betweenhereandthere wrote :
If you find yourself interested in somebody again, that you had dated at one time - not seriously, but have since moved on from, do you re-engage that person and see if they still might be interested? Or do you just chalk it up to bad timing and let it pass, and move on?
 
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