I am probably reading too much into this but...


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Alli824 is offline Alli824 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #1  September 24,2010, 11:04am
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Had a first date last night which went extremely well. I was initially surprised with my date's attire but got past it quickly, because his personality, manners and sincerity made me look past his earrings, and homie cap. I usually date buttoned down types. By the way he is 51. A half an hour into the date he asked me if I'd go out with him again. I said absolutely. We left one establishment and went to another (his suggestion) and even joked about his 'hip hop" clothing as the evening progressed. He shared with me he had a friend coming in this weekend who was going to be a bit draining (going through a divorce...drinks too much... has health problems.) Toward the end of the evening he put it out there that maybe after his friend left on Sunday we could get together. I responded "sure." The evening ended on a good, upbeat note, and a hug.

I texted a "Thank You, enjoyed U," today. This is standard for me if someone has taken me out and paid. He is the texting type, does call though, and although this is not my favorite way of communicating, I felt it appropriate. I got an immediate text back to the effect of "Thanks. Me too." I responded with "Are we on for Sunday?" I needed to know as I had another engagement and had been noncommital about accepting. I got back, "Let me see how I feel, this might be one long weekend," implying again his friend's emotional state.

I am trying to determine if he now has cold feet or second thoughts, and if I am being blown off. In any case I accepted my other engagement, and figured if he does end up calling I'll simply say I didn't think he was that eager to get together so I made other plans.

Am I reading this wrong, being hypersensitive, or should I take him at his word? It was a good date with a lot of conversation and sharing. We seem to have similar values.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #2  September 24,2010, 11:11am
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Yes, you are being hyper sensitive. First of all he did not offer 100% commitment to you from the get go. Like it or not, he can't make definitive plans with you because of the situation with his friend and he told you about it up front. You going ahead and making alternate plans is just fine, but I would not be ripping his head off the way you suggest if he does end up calling you. If I were him and a woman reacted that way to me, I'd run - you are kind of out of line.
 
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greg75 is offline greg75 Post #3  September 24,2010, 11:21am
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Yes, hypersensitive. If he said, "Let's get together on Sunday" then I would definitely want concrete plans. But, he said, "Maybe" which to me sounded depending upon how the weekend went with his friend. I think he just wanted to know if you were interested enough in seeing him again. Go ahead and make other plans.
 
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socalgal55 is offline socalgal55 Post #4  September 24,2010, 11:36am
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Yep, overly sensitive. When he does call about Sunday I'd just tell him that something came up but you'd love to see him again soon. Much success, he sounds interesting.
 
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Alli824 is offline Alli824 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #5  September 24,2010, 11:45am
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DancingFool wrote :
Yes, you are being hyper sensitive. First of all he did not offer 100% commitment to you from the get go. Like it or not, he can't make definitive plans with you because of the situation with his friend and he told you about it up front. You going ahead and making alternate plans is just fine, but I would not be ripping his head off the way you suggest if he does end up calling you. If I were him and a woman reacted that way to me, I'd run - you are kind of out of line.
Ripping his head off? I wasn't planning to? Whatever gave you that idea? I just planned on being honest in my response. We have so far been very direct with each other. He owes me nothing at this point. What am I missing.... an honest response has now become ripping someones head off...
 
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Alli824 is offline Alli824 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #6  September 24,2010, 11:47am
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greg75 wrote :
Yes, hypersensitive. If he said, "Let's get together on Sunday" then I would definitely want concrete plans. But, he said, "Maybe" which to me sounded depending upon how the weekend went with his friend. I think he just wanted to know if you were interested enough in seeing him again. Go ahead and make other plans.
Thanks, you are always the classy voice of reason. Just needed some male reassurance. I was probably being over analytical...
 
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Alli824 is offline Alli824 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #7  September 24,2010, 11:48am
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socalgal55 wrote :
Yep, overly sensitive. When he does call about Sunday I'd just tell him that something came up but you'd love to see him again soon. Much success, he sounds interesting.
Thank you, definitely the more diplomatic way to go.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #8  September 24,2010, 11:50am
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Alli824 wrote :

I am trying to determine if he now has cold feet or second thoughts, and if I am being blown off. In any case I accepted my other engagement, and figured if he does end up calling I'll simply say I didn't think he was that eager to get together so I made other plans.
This would actually come across way way way more negatively than you seem to realize.
 
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Alli824 is offline Alli824 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #9  September 24,2010, 12:15pm
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DancingFool wrote :
This would actually come across way way way more negatively than you seem to realize.
I think it's all in positioning, but I do appreciate you pointing out how it could be perceived. Any suggestions for verbiage? I am usually pretty straight forward. I've been told by my dates it's one of the things they like about me, none of this beating around the bush or passive aggressive behavior. I'm never hostile, never confrontational, but rather to the point. I'm curious as to what would be more palatable to a man. "Something's come up," as someone else kindly suggested...
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #10  September 24,2010, 12:28pm
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As you probably know from my posts, I tend to be blunt...and that's putting it mildly, so I hear ya. I would go with Sassafras suggestion of a more diplomatic version - I would love to see you but unfortunately something came up for Sunday night and I can't make it. I'm definitely interested in seeing you again, just sorry it can't be tonight. I'm available at blah blah blah.... and then make definite plans with him when you are both available.
 
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