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dazedconfuzed is offline dazedconfuzed Post #1  September 24,2010, 9:39am
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a family member.

I've gotten 2 really nice messages from a guy on M.com. Very well written and thought out, his profile is the same.

The only thing is... He's a dead ringer for a younger version of my dad.

Now, my dad's a handsome guy... But the thought of dating someone who looks like my dad... I can't do it. I just can't.

Now I don't know what to tell this poor guy about why I can't date him...

I hate being an ignorer and a poofer. But do I just come out and say "Sorry, you look like my dad and that turns me off?"

Had anyone had something like this happen? What did you say?
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #2  September 24,2010, 9:50am
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I might have the same response in your situation!

But is it possible that if you met him and got to know him, you'd start seeing "oh actually he's not my dad, and I like this and that ...."

But I think if you don't want to date him, just tell him. He might or might not like hearing why; who knows?
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #3  September 24,2010, 9:54am
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dazedconfuzed wrote :
a family member.

I've gotten 2 really nice messages from a guy on M.com. Very well written and thought out, his profile is the same.

The only thing is... He's a dead ringer for a younger version of my dad.

Now, my dad's a handsome guy... But the thought of dating someone who looks like my dad... I can't do it. I just can't.

Now I don't know what to tell this poor guy about why I can't date him...

I hate being an ignorer and a poofer. But do I just come out and say "Sorry, you look like my dad and that turns me off?"

Had anyone had something like this happen? What did you say?
I 've never been in that situation, but I'd assume the guy would be hurt by the thought that you wouldn't give him a chance, because of that.
Maybe its best to say that you don't think it would work, and to wish him well. you could just say, "I'm not attracted to you" and that would technically, be the truth..
he may want to know why, but I don't think there's an obligation, before meeting, to tell him the exact reasons.
 
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Shantak is offline Shantak Post #4  September 24,2010, 9:57am
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I automatically close anyone who has the same name as my ex-wife or who looks too much like my mother. So I feel you there. Luckily my ex-wife didn't have too common of a name, but a few matches I have pondered over for a few mins before just going nope, sorry can't deal with dating someone with that name.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #5  September 24,2010, 10:33am
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Why do you assume that he has some sort of special attachment to you already or that he is a poor desperate dateless slob. If he is attractive and nice, he probably has plenty of dates. The only thing you need to do is tell him sorry, we are not a good match and move on.
 
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landstar59 is offline landstar59 Post #6  September 24,2010, 11:18am
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Hmmm....that's funny because I am attracted to guys who remind me of my Dad, but I guess they don't particularly look like him entirely but some version of him and maybe more personality. D&C, you have to do what you are comfortable with and nothing more. In the kindest words possible tell him that while it seems he is very nice that there are other reasons you feel you would not be suitable for each other and leave it at that OR you could give him a chance and maybe he would have a personality that made you see him in another way, sort of with different eyes. It's your decision though. Good luck!
 
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dazedconfuzed is offline dazedconfuzed Post #7  September 24,2010, 12:11pm
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DancingFool wrote :
Why do you assume that he has some sort of special attachment to you already or that he is a poor desperate dateless slob. If he is attractive and nice, he probably has plenty of dates. The only thing you need to do is tell him sorry, we are not a good match and move on.
*wonders where she stated any of that...*

I haven't assumed anything of the sort. I never said he was a poor desperate dateless slob either. I DID say he resembles my dad, who is a handsome guy. I hope he DOES have a lot of dates.

He has sent me 2 very, very long messages, neither of which I have replied to yet. I am a nice person, it's in my nature to be polite and respectful.

My post was primarily asking if anyone had been in the situation and how they handled it.


@TheThinker - I def don't want to hurt his feelings. He seems like a really sensitive guy.
@Landstar - I love my dad... but I don't really like him. So anyone that reminded me of my dad in any personality type way would be past tense REALLY quick... lol
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #8  September 24,2010, 12:18pm
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The reason for my post is that you "don't know what to tell this poor guy about why I can't date him" these are your words and they are rather patronizing. Why is he poor exactly? Rhetorical question. My point is that you seem to be making a mountain out of a molehill. You are not attracted to him for perfectly understandable reasons. There is no reason for you to tell him why exactly or to think of him as "poor guy" and gee how do I let him down. You let him down the same way you would anybody else - thanks for your interest but we are not a good match.
 
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greg75 is offline greg75 Post #9  September 24,2010, 12:26pm
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Remember one thing: Pictures don't always tell the whole story. He might sort of look like your dad in a picture, but could look completely different in person. Besides, I have heard time and time again that a lot of women tend to be more interested in guys that remind them of their fathers (assuming they had a good relationship with their dads.)
 
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greg75 is offline greg75 Post #10  September 24,2010, 12:29pm
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Shantak wrote :
I automatically close anyone who has the same name as my ex-wife or who looks too much like my mother. So I feel you there. Luckily my ex-wife didn't have too common of a name, but a few matches I have pondered over for a few mins before just going nope, sorry can't deal with dating someone with that name.
Wow, really? Man..... that's tough! What if someone who had her same first name wound up being the most perfect woman for you? You would still automatically close her?
 
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