to over 35's--do you still get that swept up, fun, intoxication ever during the first date or 2


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gummibearlover is offline gummibearlover Post #1  September 23,2010, 5:57pm
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I am shouting out to the over 35's. When i was younger i used to occasionally meet a guy i ws attracted to and then talk to him and if that went well the chemistry was there and i was actually excited --a certain hotness

now i have dated a small number of nice guys. In the last year and a half i havent really felt chemistry , at best i met 2 guys IRL and found them okay but not really attracted physically and before that i was on match and I meet a few guys i was actually excited about and told them i was interested though i cant explain why it didnt go beyond 1-3 dates--. I have always been a beautiful woman and had interest but my subconsious always just really liked certain guys that i found attractive and funny and somewhat smart probably helped. Now im actually worried because when i see a guy's picture and profile i may be attracted but dont really feel strongly so--dont really know and then the eharmony process doesnt assist in building my attraction if anything it may decrease it(if they are slow to respond or seem rigid). I want excitement--i realize the guys are older and dont look young but thats not it--i still find a number attractive in my general age group and they have more developed personalities to balance it out(for the record--all my real loves were close in age, smart and slightly younger--none recent)

So men and women over 35--if i want strong chemistry somewhere along the first date or 2 am i asking too much ?-- 2 of my happily married friend have said to me when i asked but at your age it takes more time theres so much more involved. Its made dating seem like a bother recently( i try to drag out the predating process)--so friend is there excitement and passion and maybe danger in my future( or is more of a friendly thing to start that develops?)
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #2  September 23,2010, 6:04pm
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I sure hope so!

I do accept that I am more mature, more careful, and more clear about what I am looking for.

But, to enjoy myself on a meeting, to have Fun with a new partner, and to have a sense that my partner is also enjoying herself, I don't think I'll ever age out of that.

If I do, I'm gettin' a skateboard.
 
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Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #3  September 23,2010, 6:05pm
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I'm going to go off on a limb and say its you. You are no longer in your 20s, although it isn't about being "young" and "not young".

Its about experience. You've been excited before because that newness and novelty of the "hotness" was new to you then. Now, by your own admission, you've had it a couple times, but its diminishing, so why? The answer, I believe, is because the novelty is gone. It takes more to get to that point of "wow", than it did back when you were 20 and everything was a new experience. Its the same experience, but with twists, but its still the same experience.
 
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #4  September 23,2010, 6:09pm

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I have a hard time with the process too. I don't like the whole idea of just throwing strangers together to see what sticks. I just don't like it.

It was easier when I was younger because I already knew I found a guy attractive when I said yes to the first date. Now, I go and on the first, second, third, fourth I still feel the same thing - that I don't know if I find them attractive or not.

(Sigh)
 
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JonBono is offline JonBono Post #5  September 23,2010, 6:10pm
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So how did that hotness work out for ya?

The truth is it doesnt mean much unless thats all you are looking for...a fling.

If you want a relationship you have to rewire what turns you on.

Trust and stability instead of lust and attraction.

Pick someone you deem nice looking, but dont let that player get you all hot...look for REAL.

ZOLTAR has spoken lol
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #6  September 23,2010, 6:11pm
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JonBono wrote :
Trust and stability instead of lust and attraction.

False dichotomy.

All of the above, and more, just to get in the door.
 
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gummibearlover is offline gummibearlover Post #7  September 23,2010, 6:11pm
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umm-- its either me or an age thing--the men--they were all unique, sexy , familiar and dangerous in there own way--each different--some cads--but i was a cad too at times--
 
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jgy60a is offline jgy60a Post #8  September 23,2010, 6:20pm
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I would agree with Defearon, but it is still possible to get that tingly feeling on the first date. Maybe even your next one!
 
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chawks64 is offline chawks64 Post #9  September 23,2010, 6:24pm
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gummibearlover wrote :
So men and women over 35--if i want strong chemistry somewhere along the first date or 2 am i asking too much ?
I don't think you're asking too much. If you wanted instantaneous chemistry, then maybe. But chemistry after the first date or two is not out of the question at all. I felt it with my boyfriend. We've been together for about 7 months and still have those excited feelings. He's 52 and I'm 45. Honestly, I think the harder part is keeping those feelings alive, which is where making sure the other person knows they're appreciated comes in. If you both do that, the passion and excitement stays.

D_Lion wrote :
I do accept that I am more mature, more careful, and more clear about what I am looking for.
This is true. I think as you mature you have a more realistic view of what is and isn't acceptable in a partner, so that can color how excited you get about a new dating prospect.

JonBono wrote :
Trust and stability instead of lust and attraction.
But there's no reason why I can't have trust and stability as well as lust and attraction!
 
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JonBono is offline JonBono Post #10  September 23,2010, 6:24pm
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D_Lion wrote :
False dichotomy.

All of the above, and more, just to get in the door.
Dont do things on the first few dates that you arent willing to do for the rest of your life.

Thats just a set up for failure..."He used to be sooo romantic"

Just be yourself, the best self you can be.
If a woman tries to get my attention with sex, I'll probably wonder why she broke that out so soon, doesnt she have something more meaningful in her?

By all means be sexy, but way down the road, as the icing on the cake, not the cake itself.
 
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