sflgirl is offline sflgirl Post #1  September 23,2010, 1:34pm
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Really, why would someone sign up to an online site and essentially refuse to correspond via email especially when out of state? Went through the OC steps, and as there was little listed on his profile, I wanted to get to know more about this person. From his statements after we went to email , he stated his feeling that emailing a poor way to get to know someone and asked to speak by phone instead. I indicated I would do that later but we could start with discussing via email some topics of his choosing? He asked me some questions to which I responded, and then I asked him if he would answer the same ones he posed to me? Apparently not what he wanted to do...said he would do so over the phone. I suggested some other topics, very general (sports preferences, movies) to which he gave one sentence answers, and summed up with, "when you are ready to talk on the phone, let me know."

I found it off-putting, almost like a line drawn in the sand. What is it that I could be missing here? I didn't refuse to talk via phone, just requested that we do some preliminaries via email....

My clarification: CP30 had it exactly right. I went through OC with the 3rd stage with his three questions, my three questions, then of course the 1st email. (My error in the opening statement including the three questions as "email")That is when he asked if we could talk by phone, with our very first communication. My response was to say I wanted to use email back and forth a few times. I even gave him an "outside" email address to make this easier. He continued to only respond inside EH.
Last edited by sflgirl; September 23,2010 at 6:05pm. Reason: Clarification: I wasn't clear
 
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Harryoss is offline Harryoss Post #2  September 23,2010, 1:44pm
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Hmmm. Someone who insists on rushing through steps even when you clearly (and multiple times) stated that you're not comfortable with it?

I see no problem here. I think you've saved yourself a lot of time wasted.

Besides, his last statement wreaks of arrogance and "I didn't like you that much anyways".
 
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chimerical is offline chimerical Post #3  September 23,2010, 1:54pm
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Some people really hate emailing. Some people really hate texting. Some people really hate talking on the phone.

Everyone's just got different preferences. He's not strange or unreasonable to prefer his method; you're not strange or unreasonable to prefer yours.

He seems like one of those people who thinks that speaking over the phone is more intimate (which I agree with) and more mature (which I don't agree with) than other forms of communication. Which is why he was likely frustrated & condescending towards you.

Chalk it up to a difference in opinion (and personality, perhaps) and move on.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #4  September 23,2010, 2:22pm
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It's a difference of preferance.

Personally I would much rather e-mail, and I dislike talking on the phone enough that I sometimes lose interest in someone I had already decided to meet.

Of note, your refusal to budge is as bad as his. (Which is not to say it's wrong, just that it made this a bad pairing.)
 
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sflgirl is offline sflgirl Post #5  September 23,2010, 2:35pm
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Of note, your refusal to budge is as bad as his. (Which is not to say it's wrong, just that it made this a bad pairing.)

You could be right. But what I didn't put in my initial post is that he asked me if I was "comfortable" with talking on the phone. I replied, I could do that after some emails. I guess I thought he was being considerate. Later it didn't not seem to feel as if it was a considerate gesture.

I agree we all have the right to our preferences. Too bad such an early interaction may prevented a positive experience.
 
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The_Illuminati is offline The_Illuminati Post #6  September 23,2010, 2:39pm

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I think you're really old fashioned and move a little slowly for him. If it takes that much to get you to talk on the phone, what's it going to take for a first kiss. May also come across like you've got something to hide.. (raspy voice, deep voice, etc). Why else would someone be afraid of talking on the phone?
 
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jgy60a is offline jgy60a Post #7  September 23,2010, 2:47pm
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I agree with the other responders that different people have different preferred ways of communication, but when I read the OP something else went through my mind. To me her match (the guy) seems to be a little obscure - won't email, won't answer the same questions you answered, but... wants your phone number.

While I could stand my ground, at least at the beginning I communicate with the woman the way she prefers. If she's uncomfortable giving her home number or prefers to meet in a very public location I can understand that.

I once wasted a lot of time communicating with a woman who only wanted email, and would not post or send a picture. She eventually went poof. Possibly not even a "she" .

If you want to pursue this match, consider a phone call on YOUR terms; eg. you place the call from a work phone or a friend's house.

Good luck.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #8  September 23,2010, 2:49pm
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sflgirl wrote :
But what I didn't put in my initial post is that he asked me if I was "comfortable" with talking on the phone. I replied, I could do that after some emails.

There are clearly ways to say "no," such as by saying "no."

This may also have sounded controlling, which is not something you have any more say at than your match does.


The_Illuminati wrote :
I think you're really old fashioned and move a little slowly for him. If it takes that much to get you to talk on the phone, what's it going to take for a first kiss. May also come across like you've got something to hide.. (raspy voice, deep voice, etc). Why else would someone be afraid of talking on the phone?

I would keep this advice in mind for the future.

Many experience online dating users are used to deceipt from matches, and do indeed consider people who hide, to have reason to hide (such as they are married.)

Also, experienced people tend to favor faster progress.

Simply put, we have bad experience with people who conceal or delay.
 
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sflgirl is offline sflgirl Post #9  September 23,2010, 2:50pm
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Interesting as I read on the boards that some people email for months...as I mentioned it was the first email, asking to talk on the phone. You're right, my voice is a real turn-on

No problem with stalking perhaps as he lived 5 states away
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #10  September 23,2010, 2:57pm

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The_Illuminati wrote :
I think you're really old fashioned and move a little slowly for him. If it takes that much to get you to talk on the phone, what's it going to take for a first kiss. May also come across like you've got something to hide.. (raspy voice, deep voice, etc). Why else would someone be afraid of talking on the phone?
what!? this is way off base. It's a turn off when men want to skip the steps and go straight to the phone.

OP, you are normal and you handled yourself nicely. No need to worry, others will not be as rude and pushy.

personally I have no interest in talking to random matches on the phone, only ones I have an interest in, and email at first will help to generate that for me as an important first step, without it, I just have no interest.
 
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