Should I take things a step further and how?


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pltkcelestial18 is offline pltkcelestial18 Post #1  September 22,2010, 10:13pm
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So I've been emailing with this guy for almost a month now and we both always have quite a bit to say in our messages. We're both Stephen King fans, math majors and gamers. We haven't actually had a real-time chat or anything. He lives maybe 4 or 5 hrs from me, but he seems really nice and interesting. I guess my question is should I see about us actually chatting/talking on the phone vs just emailing or is it too soon? And how would I go about approaching the subject of chatting/talking on the phone? I'm not necessarily looking for a relationship right now, but if things went in that direction, I wouldn't be op[IMG]file:///C:/DOCUME%7E1/Porscha/LOCALS%7E1/Temp/moz-screenshot.png[/IMG]posed to it.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #2  September 22,2010, 10:24pm

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I dont think it's too soon. i probably would have met already.

however, if he hasn't asked to skype or talk on the phone, it's possible he's not interested in meeting.
 
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pltkcelestial18 is offline pltkcelestial18 Post #3  September 22,2010, 10:27pm
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Which I would be fine with. But I'm just wondering why would one keep responding to messages/emails if they weren't at least somewhat interested. I always hate asking for a guy's number cause I don't want him to think that I'm trying to rush into anything.\

Edit: Should I go ahead and just mention something to him about talking on the phone?

And he does live several hours away and we're both college students. I know I'm really broke right now and wouldn't be able to afford a trip even a couple of hrs away.
Last edited by pltkcelestial18; September 22,2010 at 10:29pm. Reason: adding something
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #4  September 22,2010, 10:34pm
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How did you meet him? If it was on a relationship site like EH, definitely tell him you'd like to step it up.

If you met him some other way, gaming or whatever, I think you still can tell him you want to move forward, but that could be coming completely out of the blue for him, so perhaps phrase things a little differently.

Meanwhile ... don't get over-attached to someone you haven't met. You might spend 5 minutes in person with him and find you want to run screaming away!

If you do go forward, try skype until you can meet. Good luck!
 
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pltkcelestial18 is offline pltkcelestial18 Post #5  September 22,2010, 10:38pm
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I guess I should add that this is on OkCupid.com. Like I said, he is nice, interesting, and attractive, but I wouldn't lose any sleep if he didn't want to take things any farther. I've thought about maybe just giving him my phone number and/or skype info and seeing if he does anything with it.
 
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javajava5 is offline javajava5 Post #6  September 22,2010, 10:40pm
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pltkcelestial18 wrote :
So I've been emailing with this guy for almost a month now and we both always have quite a bit to say in our messages. We're both Stephen King fans, math majors and gamers. We haven't actually had a real-time chat or anything. He lives maybe 4 or 5 hrs from me, but he seems really nice and interesting. I guess my question is should I see about us actually chatting/talking on the phone vs just emailing or is it too soon? And how would I go about approaching the subject of chatting/talking on the phone? I'm not necessarily looking for a relationship right now, but if things went in that direction, I wouldn't be op[IMG]file:///C:/DOCUME%7E1/Porscha/LOCALS%7E1/Temp/moz-screenshot.png[/IMG]posed to it.
Dear PLTKCelestian18,

Even though you have some posts under your belt now, still, please let me welcome you to eHarmony Advice (eHA) and thank you for posting. It's a pleasure meeting you here.

Your question is very common on these boards and something everyone has wondered about at one time or another so you're in good company!

To directly address your questions, "No, it's not too soon to chat on the phone."

Your emails have been chatty and full and you've established several commonalities that you can talk about so the next step would be to talk on the phone.

Here's how you might do it. In one of your emails, toward the bottom - so it doesn't get lost in the body of the email - you might want to say something like this:

"______________ (his name), your emails are such a pleasure to read and it would be nice to now match a voice to your messages as we've been emailing for around a month now.

My number is: ____________________________________ and I would so enjoy hearing from you, or, if it's better for you, I could call if you let me know. I'm usually home on __________________ nights if any of those times suit you."

And then, just leave it at that and see if he takes the hint.

Write and let us know how it goes for you.

JavaJava5
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #7  September 22,2010, 10:40pm
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I think that's a good idea! You met on a dating site, you're giving him "upgraded" contact info -- hopefully he'll use it! and if not, then I think you've just got an email buddy. Which can also be nice!
 
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pltkcelestial18 is offline pltkcelestial18 Post #8  September 22,2010, 10:51pm
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Next time I send him a message I'll add a note at the bottom giving him my phone number and I'll definitely post something saying how it goes.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #9  September 22,2010, 10:55pm
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Good luck! :-)
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #10  September 23,2010, 8:17am
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pltkcelestial18 wrote :
So I've been emailing with this guy for almost a month now and we both always have quite a bit to say in our messages. We're both Stephen King fans, math majors and gamers. We haven't actually had a real-time chat or anything. He lives maybe 4 or 5 hrs from me, but he seems really nice and interesting. I guess my question is should I see about us actually chatting/talking on the phone vs just emailing or is it too soon? And how would I go about approaching the subject of chatting/talking on the phone? I'm not necessarily looking for a relationship right now, but if things went in that direction, I wouldn't be opposed to it.
has he asked about meeting? to me if a guy hasnt asked he has his reasons for not asking, like maybe lack of interest or the distance. maybe he is attached? there could be tons of reasons. i would personally just leave it at that. if you like him continue chatting with him but i wouldnt push anything.
 
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