primarilyconfused is offline primarilyconfused Post #1  September 21,2010, 2:40pm
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What would you do?

I have been seeing a guy for only a few weeks, a few times per week. We are by no means bf/gf. I can see from the site we met on when he is on. Of course, for me to see that, I have to be on also. I have one other person emailing me on that site.

I'm not a serial dater although at this point I think it's okay for me to do that. I would be happy to know that he's not a serial dater either but I can't reasonably expect it at this time.

Is there any way to address this with him without making it sound like I expect some major commitment?
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #2  September 21,2010, 3:18pm
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Are you concerned that your partner is continuing to be online, after you have beeen seeeing him for a few weeks?

Needless to say, this will require a great deal of care to engage the conversation ("... while using online dating site, I see you're using online dating site ...")

***

I seee this as a problem with no logical solution, so here is what I do:

- Once I meeet someone I like, I would not renew an online dating service (I will usually continue using one, unless she states an exclusivity promise.)

- I do not check what my partner is doing, and don't care - I favor data which is more objective, such as how she treats me, her availability, etc.

- Safe sex.
 
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chimerical is offline chimerical Post #3  September 21,2010, 3:42pm
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I don't know the exact wording you'd use, but I'd think you'd be able to say, "Hey, so I just wanted to be on the same page as you are--are we exclusive at the moment? I mean, are you seeing anyone else?" And explain that you aren't necessarily looking for exclusivity yet (if you aren't), but you just wanted to know what he was thinking or where this was going or whatever.

I would also take the chance to mention that you'd been emailing someone on Match.com or wherever, but that you're not dating anyone, etc.

Best of luck!
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #4  September 21,2010, 3:53pm
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chimerical wrote :
I would also take the chance to mention that you'd been emailing someone on Match.com or wherever, but that you're not dating anyone, etc.

I'd urge not to.

If I were not seeking to contact new matches, and a woman told me she is, I might still meet, but this really deters my interest.
 
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chimerical is offline chimerical Post #5  September 21,2010, 4:05pm
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D_Lion wrote :
I'd urge not to.

If I were not seeking to contact new matches, and a woman told me she is, I might still meet, but this really deters my interest.
I was trying to find a way for her to mention that she'd seen him on Match or wherever without it sounding like she was deliberately checking up on him...

But you're probably right.
 
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chimerical is offline chimerical Post #6  September 21,2010, 4:09pm
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Actually, OP...

Heck. It sounds like you really want to just come out and say, "Hey, what do you think about being exclusive?" If you're concerned about him checking out/emailing/dating other girls, then that's what you want: the exclusivity talk. It is kind of a big deal, but it doesn't have to be huge. Just make it casual instead of confrontational, say stuff like, "So, by the way, I was thinking," instead of confrontational stuff like, "Let's talk," or "I want to talk about our relationship."

...Also, keep in mind that sites like Match sometimes count you as "logged in" if you just open their email accidentally. You don't even need to be on the site for it to count!
 
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primarilyconfused is offline primarilyconfused Post #7  September 21,2010, 6:17pm
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D_Lion wrote :
Are you concerned that your partner is continuing to be online, after you have beeen seeeing him for a few weeks?

Needless to say, this will require a great deal of care to engage the conversation ("... while using online dating site, I see you're using online dating site ...")

***

I seee this as a problem with no logical solution, so here is what I do:

- Once I meeet someone I like, I would not renew an online dating service (I will usually continue using one, unless she states an exclusivity promise.)

- I do not check what my partner is doing, and don't care - I favor data which is more objective, such as how she treats me, her availability, etc.

- Safe sex.
Im not using the double standard on being online. Im just saying I know he is as am I. What I meant to say was that I think I would like him and I not to be online with others.
 
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primarilyconfused is offline primarilyconfused Post #8  September 21,2010, 6:21pm
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Thanks to both of you guys. I think you understand exactly where I am coming from. I do just want to be on the same page.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #9  September 22,2010, 6:21am
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Until you have discussed being exclusive and BOTH decided that is what you want then neither of you have any reasonable expectation for exclusivity.

At this point you are JUST dating. I would make no mention of seeing him on the dating site, I would make no mention of you being on the dating site. At the time that you feel you know each other well enough to want to pursue an exclusive relationship then you should discuss this and see if you are both at the same point and want to be exclusive. You should BOTH have the same understanding as to what you expect exclusive to mean, one point being that neither is on any dating site. There is never a need to discuss that you have seen him on a dating site prior to becoming exclusive.

If you feel that the relationship is at a point where you want to be exclusive with this guy then you can bring up the subject. You do not have to wait on him to bring it up.
 
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wheel_on_fire is offline wheel_on_fire Post #10  September 22,2010, 6:40am
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primarilyconfused wrote :
I have been seeing a guy for only a few weeks, a few times per week. We are by no means bf/gf.

I'm not a serial dater although at this point I think it's okay for me to do that. I would be happy to know that he's not a serial dater either but I can't reasonably expect it at this time.

Is there any way to address this with him without making it sound like I expect some major commitment?
I pulled out a couple lines from your OP that made me wonder just how into this guy you really are. I'm not really big on the serial dater thing either, and if I'm a few weeks into actually dating someone I have a pretty good idea about whether I want to see where it goes or wrap things up. It sounds to me that you are still shopping around at least to some degree.

Do you really even want to be exclusive with this guy?
 
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