Lunch, a Phone Call, and an Unbelievable Amount of Text Messages.


Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
wheel_on_fire is offline wheel_on_fire Post #1  September 21,2010, 12:48pm
wheel_on_fire's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Mar 2010

Southeast US

Posts: 31

See profile

I’ve got a question about a new match with which I’ve been communicating. Circumstances have forced me outside of how I’d normally prefer things to proceed, but it’s not necessarily a bad situation. I just need a little advice on where to go from here. Anyway, here is the story:

I went through guided communication quickly with a match last week. No big deal, some people are faster than others and I usually respond along a similar timeline as my matches. Thursday of last week I was getting ready for bed and while checking my emails this match sent me a message via Google chat. I responded, and two hours later the system automatically mailed me a 400 line chat transcript. Basically, we hit it off really well.

During this conversation, she asked if we could meet the following night because she was leaving Saturday morning for a week long beach trip. I told her that I couldn’t because of previous commitments, but asked if she would like to get together for lunch. We met, it was a little awkward, but we definitely liked each other enough to agree to see each other again. We chatted briefly later that night before I went out.

Fast forward to Saturday night. She texted me early in the evening and we exchanged messages all night long. I even ended up calling her for about 20 minutes very early Sunday morning. The next day the same thing happened. We talked over text message for hours Sunday evening. Needless to say, I really like what I know of this person so far, which brings me to my problem.

I’m worried that even though we’re getting along really well via chat, phone calls, and text messages expectations might be forming for each of us that neither of us may be able to live up to next time we meet when she gets back from vacation five days from now. My question for the board would be what is the best way to handle this? Curtail the communications until we can meet again? Just go with the flow and if things fall flat oh well?
Last edited by wheel_on_fire; September 21,2010 at 1:09pm.
 
  Reply With Quote
chimerical is offline chimerical Post #2  September 21,2010, 12:58pm
chimerical's Avatar

is an albino axolotl.

Virtuoso

Joined: Feb 2009

Arkansas

Posts: 4,154

See profile

I say go with the flow, for now. If it starts to overwhelm, that's when you need to pull back and set boundaries. No need to do it so soon, when things are still fresh and exciting. (And it's not like you're chatting without having met, which is a different circumstance altogether.)

No harm done, in my opinion. Have fun!
 
  Reply With Quote
DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #3  September 21,2010, 1:12pm
DancingFool's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: Jan 2009

Posts: 5,750

See profile

Illusions generally happen when you've never met before and you don't know that you'll find each other physically attractive in real life. In this case you've already met so you know that that part will work. There is no reason to worry. Just go with the flow and remember that an easy way to control txt'ing is to slow down your response rate to what's reasonable to you.
 
  Reply With Quote
lunabeach is offline lunabeach Post #4  September 21,2010, 1:18pm
lunabeach's Avatar

Veteran

Joined: Jun 2010

Ohio

Posts: 2,167

See profile

I had a rather intense couple of weeks with a match once - we were texting all the time, on the phone quite a bit, went on multiple dates. We found we were VERY incompatible on a few core issues, but I don't regret it a bit. I had fun and learned a lot about myself and will recognize it as a very good sign the next time I click with someone and enjoy talking to them/spending time with them that much.
 
  Reply With Quote
ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #5  September 21,2010, 1:54pm
ami1uwant's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Feb 2008

Seattle, WA

Posts: 4,639

See profile

I think you will survive the 5 days of not seeing her.

The concern I have is that with you talking and texting when she comes back you wont have anything to talk about.
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #6  September 21,2010, 2:03pm
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

Posts: 31,677

See profile

Whatever you do, don't make a drastic change without informing her of the reason, or it may come across as you having lost interest.
 
  Reply With Quote
primarilyconfused is offline primarilyconfused Post #7  September 21,2010, 2:29pm
primarilyconf…'s Avatar

is enjoying the ride

Enthusiast

Joined: Jun 2010

probably in a cave

Posts: 652

See profile

D_Lion wrote :
Whatever you do, don't make a drastic change without informing her of the reason, or it may come across as you having lost interest.

Excellent point, D_Lion!
 
  Reply With Quote
wheel_on_fire is offline wheel_on_fire Post #8  September 21,2010, 3:31pm
wheel_on_fire's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Mar 2010

Southeast US

Posts: 31

See profile

ami1uwant wrote :
I think you will survive the 5 days of not seeing her.

The concern I have is that with you talking and texting when she comes back you wont have anything to talk about.
I was worried about this too at first, but at what point do you run out of things to say to people when participating in face to face communication?

I think I'll keep communicating like I have throughout the week so far. I've really enjoyed it honestly and didn't mean to make it sound like its overwhelming me.

I agree that meeting face to face at least once was really important. I was worried mostly because of some of the horror stories I read on these boards about people becoming great pen pals due to prolonged text or phone based communications. Then when they do have a chance to get together it sometimes just falls flat.

Thanks for the feedback from everyone. I just got another text...better respond


 
  Reply With Quote
lacedwithhope is offline lacedwithhope Post #9  September 21,2010, 5:00pm
lacedwithhope's Avatar

dog slimed!

Power Poster

Joined: Aug 2008

At the left coast

Posts: 7,341

See profile

I'm still stuck at the part about texting all night long. Twice.

I must need more sleep than most people!


To the OP: Yes, if I were you, I'd slow down the texting gradually ("step away from the text!") because although it's fun and it keeps you connected to her during her absense, it's amazingly easy for miscommunication to occur if you rely on it so heavily.

Good luck!
 
  Reply With Quote
wheel_on_fire is offline wheel_on_fire Post #10  October 20,2010, 6:28am
wheel_on_fire's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Mar 2010

Southeast US

Posts: 31

See profile

Hi folks! It's been about a month since I started this thread and I thought I'd drop back by and post an update for everyone kind enough to respond...or lurk

I just looked at my wireless statement and it says that I've sent 2895 text messages this month. Pretty obscene, I know. The thing is though, we went out the night she got back for a completely amazing date, and we have been seeing each other for more or less five nights a week ever since.

Moral of the story: It may just be possible to build the foundation of a healthy relationship on text messages. To be fair though, I'm sure we would have hit it off equally well if she hadn't been away on vacation for a week after our first meet.

Thanks again for all the great advice!
Last edited by wheel_on_fire; October 20,2010 at 6:31am.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« How did I fail at what seemed so sure?? | Dating | When to tell my eHarmony matches about my cross-dressing? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
He still hasn't returned my call when he gave me his phone number. Rochelle1975 Ask a Dating Expert 14 December 12,2010 11:06am
Do I go on the date or trust my gut? Seriousminded 40 plus singles 18 September 5,2009 7:44pm
Bad First Phone Call LoveSong Using eHarmony 20 September 4,2009 11:47am
Phone Call Question bdavie Ask a Dating Expert 15 August 11,2009 2:32am
first phone call? lilly08 Dating 8 June 11,2009 10:01am

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“I did answer and then also updated with news that I was premature - there is no relationship after all.” –  picklesNcream

Join the “Blast off...!” discussion

“For dating. I'm basically in a (lifelong) rut that I would like to get out of. Sadly, my good friends are also in the same place as I am - if not worse. The topic of women is non existent among ... ” –  JohnNorthSydney

Join the “So I've been thinking about getting a coach.” discussion

“I need some advice. I'm 18, never kissed/dated a girl nor obviously had a girlfriend. I just finished my first year at a top 30 university (full ride scholarship) with a 4.0 GPA. Starting my ... ” –  jrw93

Join the “Should I ever date in college?” discussion

“The point is no me seeing their photos, I can see their photos; it is them seeing my photos. This means nothing can be gauged by any interest they show to you. On FCW I've noticed the non-paying ... ” –  JohnNorthSydney

Join the “Free Communication Weekend” discussion

“TD, Have you PM'd eH_Advice_Host_Eve to ask her for help? She is good at helping people tweak their settings so they are more likely to get the results they want. Please consider contacting her if ... ” –  tink333

Join the “Different Strategy” discussion

“Did you know OT stands for on topic and off topic?” –  Bluskies4ever3

Join the “Off -Topic” discussion

“My inner child says I am. Anastasia is intriguing. (Her name too). I like the dress she's wearing in the ad. I wonder how eHarmony picks the couples for their print and TV ads.” –  Bluskies4ever3

Join the “Where is Becky?!?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 3:47am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0