Casual vs. LTR Dating


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BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #1  September 21,2010, 9:41am
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Have you ever communicated with someone on eH who told you that he/she is looking for casual interactions? If so, have you wondered why did they join eH if they are looking for a "hook up"?

Also, are you open to dating someone casually even if he/she told you that they are not looking for any type of commitment anytime soon? From your experience on eH, how many people have been looking for a LTR vs. casual interactions?

Personally, I will date someone who is looking for casual or long-term relationship, but prefer the latter. I tell those who are looking for casual interactions or someone to "date", but no commitment(desires to play the field), that I don't mind it so long as there is some romance involved(which does include intimacy). I will not volunteer to be the "surrogate gay friend". I am not looking for platonic interactions. I have enough friends and although it is nice to gain a new friend, the dynamics of the "friendship" will be clearly defined if I am put into the "friendzone".

If someone is looking for something more serious, then great. I will treat that person accordingly and be more willing to take things a lil slower. But, I will NOT take things slow with someone who does not desire to date me on a romantic level. That is out the question! lol

What has been your experience in this regard?

B.Y.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #2  September 21,2010, 2:08pm
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I would not "date" without intimacy, and would not (knowlingly) be intimate without exclusivity.

I don't mind if the person knows the relationship will end (common in my experience, due to school and work relocations.)

I would say my percentage of eHarmony matches (of those I communicated far enough or met, to have this data) looking for casual in this context to be a lot of them (this is experience of younger than I am today - I would expect it to be fewer today.)
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #3  September 21,2010, 2:33pm
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D_Lion wrote :
I would not "date" without intimacy, and would not (knowlingly) be intimate without exclusivity.
cart before the horse? Horse's foot in your mouth?

when is intimacy a prerequisite for dating?
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #4  September 21,2010, 3:05pm
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When "date" is enclosed in quotation marks, indicating a pattern of repeated activity.

I view intimacy as the core requirement which makes a romantic relationship distinct from a friendship.

And I don't "date" friends.
 
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jgy60a is offline jgy60a Post #5  September 21,2010, 4:21pm
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I have seen this behavior in a sense. I've met a couple women who are really looking for "activity partners" - not the intimate kind of activity, but rather just looking for someone to go to events with. Also met one who was just too tired to go out on dates. At first I thought she just wasn't into me, but she said she has met lots of guys and none of them were good enough. Guess what? I wasn't good enough either.

Beats me why these people are on eH. Also beats me why they're paying $$money$$ to join a RELATIONSHIP SITE when they don't want a relationship - they just want someone(s) to go dining with, with no intention of a LTR.

Frankly, I think I should get MY money back, or at least a free month to make up for the ones that wasted my precious few matches.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #6  September 21,2010, 4:25pm
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jgy60a wrote :
Beats me why these people are on eH. Also beats me why they're paying $$money$$ to join a RELATIONSHIP SITE when they don't want a relationship - they just want someone(s) to go dining with, with no intention of a LTR.

The value of going out to eat, entertainments, etc, can be significant. That's often all the motivation needed.
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #7  September 22,2010, 5:36am
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Yes. The infamous dating for meals programs.

Men do it as well. They indicate (intimate) that they're looking for a relationship when what they want is sex or free therapy. When I was on eH, I did not contact anyone who indicated 'casual' in their profile. To me that's a statement of intent. If they said something along the lines of "take time getting to know each other" I was okay with that but when someone comes out and say they're looking for casual dating versus LTR I take it in the same way I take a man telling me he's not good enough for me.

I believe it.

I ran into this once or twice on eH, certainly not to the same extent as on other sites. But, yes, I wonder. I also wonder if the fact that the site is geared toward LTRs and marriage makes it easier for people who are inclined to deceive to be deceitful. What I mean is, if I know that your expectation is an LTR but I throw out the casual line, your mindset (general you...not specific you) makes you boomerang back to the idea that everyone is just waiting for the right person for an LTR.

Just pondering out loud.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #8  September 22,2010, 6:29am
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BabyYoda wrote :
Have you ever communicated with someone on eH who told you that he/she is looking for casual interactions? If so, have you wondered why did they join eH if they are looking for a "hook up"?
I have had several matches who, after meeting, said they were only looking for friends. I have had one who was only looking for a golf partner. A couple who were looking for business partners.

Also, are you open to dating someone casually even if he/she told you that they are not looking for any type of commitment anytime soon? From your experience on eH, how many people have been looking for a LTR vs. casual interactions?
When I have a match that states up front that they are not looking for a LTR (hopefully leading to marriage) then this is an indication to me that we do not have the same relationship goals and are therefore incompatible. It would then be of no use to pursue that match any further.

Personally, I will date someone who is looking for casual or long-term relationship, but prefer the latter. I tell those who are looking for casual interactions or someone to "date", but no commitment(desires to play the field), that I don't mind it so long as there is some romance involved(which does include intimacy). I will not volunteer to be the "surrogate gay friend". I am not looking for platonic interactions. I have enough friends and although it is nice to gain a new friend, the dynamics of the "friendship" will be clearly defined if I am put into the "friendzone".

If someone is looking for something more serious, then great. I will treat that person accordingly and be more willing to take things a lil slower. But, I will NOT take things slow with someone who does not desire to date me on a romantic level. That is out the question! lol

What has been your experience in this regard?

B.Y.
Above.
 
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scully98 is offline scully98 Post #9  September 22,2010, 6:32am
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I have met four guys from eharmony. Each of the four said they wanted a long-term relationship with someone, but only one seemed to be serious. (He and I weren't a chemistry match, but we became friends and he subsequently met someone else that he's been dating for several months now - good for him!!!) The other three all professed to be looking for LTR's, but weren't really. one of them is the firefighter I dated for a couple of weeks, and slept with, who then disappeared faster than the speed of light.

So...I don't really believe that anyone knows for sure if someone wants casual vs. LTR because they all say LTR when they're really in a more casual mode. So yeah, I'd date someone who said either thing, since that's what I've ended up with anyway.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #10  September 22,2010, 6:47am
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I think it all goes back to the same thing, just because I want an LTR, does not mean I want it with YOU.

Personally, I haven't seen any matches who would openly say that they are only looking for a fling and certainly of those I've met, I haven't encountered this attitude either.
 
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