Dating a FRIEND: Ruining a friendship... or gaining a relationship?


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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #1  September 20,2010, 6:44am
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Has anyone had a friend, someone you have enjoyed talking to, communicating with, doing things with... You didn't think there were any feelings there, you don't consider going out with him (or her) going on a date, you have just hung out together...

Then, for some reason, you start developing feelings for that person, and you actually kiss! You know this person may not be ready for a relationship (during the course of your friendship, they have admitted as much)...

Do you think actually starting to date this person (while he's still seeing other people, you're still seeing other people), but dating to get to know each other on a different level is the direction to go? Or, do you think you're just ruining a really good friendship? Is it worth the chance?

Curious of your thoughts and experiences...
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #2  September 20,2010, 7:00am
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Personal opinion of course but I would say that the likelihood that taking a friendship to a romantic relationship and that it will work out for the long term is slim. The flip side to this is that the likelihood that if / when the romantic relationship ends the friendship will survive is also slim.

Never been in this situation. The closest experience I have is having the romantic relationship end and the girl says "we can be friends and just go to the movies or something". Maybe she could do that, I can't.
 
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Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #3  September 20,2010, 7:10am
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IF you can get pass your friendship and move beyond, then this relationship will probably be THE ONE. This kind of relationship has a very sound foundation that most relationships don't have starting out.

The problem is the same foundation. That same foundation that was built from friendship, may not be the same kind of foundation that you base a relationship off of. The problem also, is that both sides have to recognize that foundation. If one side was a friend in hopes that one day it will be more, than the foundation is useless and in some cases, a total fabrication.

So, because of that foundation, it is full of pitfalls, even more treacherous than other relationships. You start this relationship with investment already.

If successful, it will be the best relationship in your life. If it fails, you will probably lose the friend.

Personally. I had one relationship like that and it easily reigns as the best relationship in my life. I'm still a little sad it didn't work out, BUT, I didn't lose the friendship. Its complicated.
 
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dmi is offline dmi Post #4  September 20,2010, 7:35am
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I had that happen. It didn't work out. We tried to go back to just being friends and that didn't work; too much baggage from the relationship.

We stopped talking to each other completely and time has healed many of the wounds. So, when we run into each other, we can chat and it's all good, but, we don't do things just for fun anymore.

My take on this is that most relationships don't work out and chances are that you'll lose the friendship trying it. Still, I think it is better to explore it and see what happens.
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #5  September 20,2010, 7:50am
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I'm almost thinking this would be the perfect relationship. Here you have this person who knows and accepts you, flaws and all, and they want to move things to the relationship level.

For me, it would really depend on the guy. I can think of a few guys I know with whom this would spell disaster, and in the end, if we were still talking, it would be a miracle. However, I know a few guys with whom it would be worth exploring, as well.
 
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StPaulGirl is offline StPaulGirl Post #6  September 20,2010, 8:30am
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I don't think it's necessarily ruining the friendship, but it's likely gambling the friendship. If it works out it's the stuff romance novels are made of. If it doesn't - it's likely that the friendship will be over or you'll be much less close friends.

I've had it happen twice and I've vowed never again. It's just not worth losing the friend.
 
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Breezy1 is offline Breezy1 Post #7  September 20,2010, 9:52am
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I pick Ruining a Friendship.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #8  September 20,2010, 9:57am
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Oh I don't know ... so what if you lose the friendship? I have found that most friends don't last lifelong. Some do, and I wouldn't mess with those. But most friends? I'd rather take a chance that I might be finding the Love of my Life.

And it does seem reasonable that 2 people who've managed a good friendship might also be able to create a good love relationship.

But no, I've never been in this situation.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #9  September 20,2010, 9:58am
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shrug....without great risks there are no great rewards....

If it's mutually working, go for it. After all there are no guarantees in life and you never know how things will end up. Your friendship may well fall apart for other reasons at some point down the road.
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #10  September 20,2010, 9:58am
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This is a high risk situation

I believe there is a window of opportunity for a relationship to occur...if that window passes then you are in the friendzone.

Can you get out of that...it can happen but it must be mutual and it must be gutsy because this means you sacrifice the friendship for a relationship.

This is different than 2 really close friends who may have a pact that if they cant find someone by 40 then they will marry each other because they live well together and have similar interests but they dont necessarily have that spark.


Was this kiss forced or did it just happen? who initiated it? You have to look at the long term of this given you know this person realy well before this relationship so you know details about them already so you would know if there is compatability.
 
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