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HayleytheHoldenfan is offline HayleytheHoldenfan Post #1  September 20,2010, 1:21am
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Hi all, I am new, looking to meet some new people and unfortunately I need some advice for this dilemma of mine....

I have this guy friend who I've known for about 17 years and we are good friends but unfortunately don't get to catch up often, He is always *REMOVED BY ADMIN* stirring me when we do catch up (I do the same), but that is how we are personality wise, we both LOVE to stir the pot.

Anyway we have been contacting and catching up with one another more lately and I'm beginning to question whether maybe I have feelings for him- he is just what I look for in a guy, a great sense of humor and a nice guy.

I suggested catching up for a drink (I thought it was a simple, low key thing to do) but he doesn't drink and he said he did want to catch up- but something fun like ten pin bowling or mini golf. I'm fine with that, they are good fun, but they're more of a group activity I think. Maybe a group activity is good for starters though?

Before that I asked him to come to a night out with a bunch of netball girls that I knew after a dinner one Saturday night, I thought it would be good for him to meet some girls. I said they'd be looking pretty good and he seemed to like the idea of that. I then jokingly asked him "what about me, don't I look hot?" I immediately said I was joking but he didn't say anything and may have went a bit red in the face. I've been single for a LONG time, and I jokingly said to him I'd go out and try and hook up with a guy after the dinner. In the end he couldn't make it, but first thing Monday morning he sent me a text asking "how did Saturday go, did you pick up?"

Yesterday we caught up again, he came into my workplace to buy some things (he does occasionally) and because I'd nearly finished my shift, I told him to wait outside so we could catch up. He probably waited at least 15 minutes and the temperature was maybe seven degrees outside. Now he may have went to his car for a bit, I don't know, but from what I've been told most guys wouldn't wait for that long in very cold weather.

Basically I'm asking if any of the things I've mentioned above mean anything? I'm fairly certain they DON'T, but I am useless when it comes to reading the signs and relationships etc (I believe the guy is as well). I'm happy just being friends, but I wouldn't say no if there was something there.

I have been given REALLY contrasting opinions and advice on this one (I did expect that though)- anything from "HE DEFINITELY LIKES YOU!!!" to "you've said the wrong thing and now you've made him feel confused and awkward".

Thanks for your time, it is very much appreciated.
Last edited by eHA_Admin_Lori; September 20,2010 at 1:28pm. Reason: removed masked obscenity
 
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Darling305 is offline Darling305 Post #2  September 20,2010, 4:27am
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Hi! Im new to the forums too Thats got to be kind of tough and confusing to look at a long term friend as possibly more than a friend. One thing Ive learned about guys though is that when they are interested, they are pretty clear about it... Especially after knowing you so long, theres a comfort level there that he wouldnt be too shy about it. Then again, after such a long friendship, its pretty common for people to feel uncomfortable about moving it to romantic because they dont want to lose the friendship if the relationship goes sour.

I would be careful about making the joke about your hotness and comparing yourself to other girls. Unless he said something like hed like to be around hot girls for a change, then yeah Id be like "heeeey!!" lol... But you were the one who said something about their looks, then followed up by questioning him on yours. See what I mean? Thats a super uncomfortable place to put anyone...

Also, why did you tell him to wait outside if it was that cold? Its cool of him that he did wait for you, but why do that to him? Know what I mean? I dont know...I dont see a lot to read into here unfortunately. But you know, just take it easy and have fun with him when you have time together. Definitely be courteous...like dont take any liberties cause youve known him so long or as a test to see if hes interested in you. know what I mean? Even if it doesnt turn into more, he seems to be a really good friend.
 
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HayleytheHoldenfan is offline HayleytheHoldenfan Post #3  September 20,2010, 5:22am
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Thanks for the replies.

Darling305- I said wait outside because I didn't know where he was parked and it was nearly the end of my shift. I didn't know that I'd take a bit longer than what I thought I would.
I did mean the "hotness" line as simply a joke, I didn't know that it would end like that. I wouldn't have said it if I knew that would happen.

Gr8Guyn2008- We are the type of people who love to stir the pot but at the same time we care about our friends and family and can be serious when we want to be. I love to laugh and have fun, and stirring the pot is one of the best opportunities to do so. That's how it has always been, there's no malice or negativity or anything.

I wasn't trying to find him a girl to hook up with at all, he's quite inexperienced with girls so I thought it would be a good chance for him to meet some girls, that was all.

The pick up line was a joke- I'm useless with guys (he knows that) and I've said to him that I'm not after a hook up- I want a real relationship where the guy likes me for who I am as a person.

I did wonder why it had taken this long for something to POSSIBLY happen, but I also think that people change and feelings etc change as well. I can relate to that, because until a couple of months ago I didn't like this guy in that way and I hadn't at all in the past either. Whether that was because we didn't see one another that often, I don't know. But we're seeing one another and contacting one another more than what we have in years (we went to school together and we've been working full time/studying etc for the last five years or so).

I'm sorry if this sounds like something childish, but I have pretty much no experience with guys and I think getting advice for situations like this would be a good thing.

Cheers.
 
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KISS_keepitsimplesam is offline KISS_keepitsimplesam Post #4  September 20,2010, 7:45am
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You look young from your photo so I'm going to let you slide for now. But..............in the future, don't ever tell a guy you like that you're going to go out and try to hook up! It's cheap, cheesy, and unnecessary. Chances are he may like you too. Here's where you get to be a grown up. Man-up and broach the subject with him. You don't have to come right out and tell him you're hot for him, but you can work your way into the conversation. But before you do that, please clarify for him that you weren't really looking to hook up. I get the sense he's not a player and you making that statement may have sent him over the edge. Good luck!
 
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WA_hiker is offline WA_hiker Post #5  September 20,2010, 8:22am
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You've been friends with this guy since you were 6 years old? So you've basically been friends as far back as either of you can remember. Of course he'd wait for a lifelong friend for 15 minutes (whatever the temperature). You're basically like his sister at this point.

If he is interested, based on the description you've given, sounds like he's the kind of guy that would never work up the courage to do anything about it. You'll probably have to bring it up very directly yourself. With how long you've known each other, chances are if he's not interested, you two can laugh it off and go right back to being pals.
 
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richey is offline richey Post #6  September 20,2010, 4:57pm
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I"m going to go with, "it probably doen'st mean much."

You are lifetime friends.
He didn't respond to you saying "what about me.. aren't i hot?"
He seemed to perk up more when you spoke abut other girls "looking good".

It's very possible he's more interested in your offer that you can hook him up with "pretty girls" that you know and sees you as a conduit to possibly meeting other females (since he's not great at meeting them himself).

I could be wrong... somethign might deveop at some point. I just don't think any of these things you've said are clear-cut signs that something is there right now. Might they change? i never say never. Is it likely and happens often in these situaitons? not very often.

Good luck....

Richey
 
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HayleytheHoldenfan is offline HayleytheHoldenfan Post #7  September 21,2010, 12:17am
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Thanks for all the responses.
Like I said, I don't think it means anything but who knows, I find guys impossible to read, I've NEVER had a serious relationship and I'm 23 years old. That makes me feel a bit strange sometimes. This would be one of the main reasons why I can be shy around guys and not be very confident. He's quite shy with girls as well and I don't think he'd be the hook up type. I'm not the hook up type either, I want a real relationship where the guy likes me for me (I told the guy this after he asked if I did pick up or not, and when I said it at the time I was quick to say it was a joke).

I normally like it when people are different- but in situations like this I wish we could all think the same! Haha.
One male simply said he likes me, and another said that I'd said all the wrong things and that I give him the idea that I'm definitely not interested. I guess the world wouldn't be the same if we all thought the same though.

Cheers.
 
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Darling305 is offline Darling305 Post #8  September 21,2010, 8:58am
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Youre right about it that guys are impossible to read...but then we are guilty of being impossibly too. Hah! Unless someone has the type of personality where they are totally upfront and speak their mind no matter what, the rest of us hold back a bit cause we're afraid of the reaction and getting hurt. And then kill ourselves with questions like "does this mean anything?" Hey, Im 33 and when hopes are high, Ill read into the smallest craziest stuff, and have to make the effort to not do that!

The most logical advice would be to take the step to be more upfront..more flirtatious I guess and let him know you really are interested in him. Since you two are lifelong/childhood friends and probably grew up together, and have this dynamic where you joke around a lot, Id guess youd need to make the shift from just being a buddy to joke around with to someone hed see as a romantic interest. Its possible that after all this time, he really just has no clue that you have any interest in him, and any hint to that is just in joke too so he doesnt give it much thought that theres more to it than that.

And you know what...its better to get it over with and know... Seeing how hes such a good friend, the worst that could happen is hes flattered but lets you know he doesnt feel the same way, and then you two just continue to be good friends. Ive been in that situation, on both ends..with guys I didnt know nearly as long and we're still good friends. Best that could happen is hes been feeling the same way and relieved to find out you do too
 
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HayleytheHoldenfan is offline HayleytheHoldenfan Post #9  September 22,2010, 1:55am
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It's funny, as a lot of the time I can be opinionated etc... but in situations like this I don't say a word! I guess it IS a bit different to having just a normal opinion...

I sent him a message a couple of days ago asking him if he wanted to come and watch the AFL (Australian Football League) Grand Final with me and some mates of mine on Saturday. This is one of Australia's biggest sporting events of the year (the fanfare surrounding it is pretty much the same as the Gridiron final in the U.S). I also asked him how his sailing went on the weekend (that's a hobby of his). I got a reply back, telling me how the sailing went, but no response in regard to catching up on Saturday... not sure what's going on there, like is he avoiding the question or could he have just forgot to reply to that after talking about sailing? I really don't know, but I don't like the sound of it...
I sent a reply back asking about catching up again, fingers crossed I get an answer this time.
 
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KungFuFtr is offline KungFuFtr Post #10  September 22,2010, 3:38am
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HayleytheHoldenfan wrote :

I thought it would be good for him to meet some girls. I said they'd be looking pretty good and he seemed to like the idea of that.

I jokingly said to him I'd go out and try and hook up with a guy after the dinner.

He probably waited at least 15 minutes and the temperature was maybe seven degrees outside. Now he may have went to his car for a bit, I don't know, but from what I've been told most guys wouldn't wait for that long in very cold weather.

Basically I'm asking if any of the things I've mentioned above mean anything?
The above quotes in red seem like the exact opposite things to do if you're trying to develop a deeper relationship with your friend.

I wouldn't wait out in 7 degree weather if my friend told me to. Would you? Where are you from where it's 7 degrees out in September?
 
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