hesychia06 is offline hesychia06 Post #1  September 19,2010, 8:51pm
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I've been casually seeing this guy, let's call him Shawn, for a couple months now. Our relationship is a little odd in a way since we were roommates for about 6 months. We were still living together when things first started and neither of us were really looking for anything too serious, just wanting to have fun together, etc. I'm not entirely sure what he thinks about the relationship, as in if he considers us to be together now or what but I thought it was a mostly physical thing. What I expected was that when I moved out at the beginning of August we would basically go our separate ways and that would be the end of it; instead, he continued contacting me, inviting places either w/ him or his friends, coming to visit me a few times, even helped me move. In fact, he will be moving into the same apartment complex as me on October 1st. Either way, he did start treating like a girlfriend in a number of ways in the past several weeks and it started confusing me and at the same time making me want more out of the relationship. Some of it is just being affectionate and complimenting me on things like my hair and outfits, being a little touchy-feely w/ me in front of his buddies, but some is a more situation-specific. For example, he invited me out a couple weeks ago to the drag racing strip w/ him, his best friend (a guy), and a mutual friend of ours (also a guy). At one point when I was standing on the far end, Shawn just randomly leaned over and smelled my hair, right in front of the guys, though I don't know if they noticed or not. He's never done anything that blatant in public before and I wasn't really sure how to take it; generally he'll play w/ my hair, etc. when we're alone, but since he was doing that in front of the boys, I wonder if he was trying to make a point or just being spontaneous. So I had decided at that point that I would try to talk w/ him about what our relationship is, etc. But, school has started up and we're barely seeing each other, and of course it's something I want to do in person at a point in time when I'm not going to stress him out a ton: he's a grad student and teaches part time while I work full time and do grad school online. He's apparently busy enough that he as stopped playing music w/ his band, which is very important to him, so I feel like he is being honest for the most part when he says he's not going to be able to see me for several days, but what bugs me is that he doesn't make an effort to talk to me in b/w the times he sees me in person, unless of course I initiate the conversation. Sure, I understand if he is busy, I certainly am as well, but there's no way he doesn't have time to shoot me a text every couple of days; if I can find the time, he can. We wound up having a bit of a fight about a week ago too where he though my text messages one night sounded harsh and not like me, since I basically said he should initiate from now on and I would just do my own thing (since it hardly ever works out when I ask him to hang out and my schedule is more regular so we're usually doing what works for him.) The next day we spent some time together and he told me that he probably wouldn't be able to see me for about two weeks since he would be going out of town to his research site for a couple days on top of everything else he normally does. I told him then to do what he had to do and not worry about the rest. I don't mind not seeing him everyday since I understand being busy, but it's been a week and I haven't heard anything from him (not that that is such a huge amount of time lol). I haven't contacted him either b/c I got tired of always being the one to initiate the conversations in b/w our time together, and I was hoping that me not texting him would maybe get him to start texting me first once he'd gone long enough w/o talking to me; guess a week isn't long enough for that though. Now I'm wondering if I should keep waiting to hear from him since he did say he'd be really busy for another week still and then start talking to him again after that time has passed if he still hasn't contacted me, or should I wait some indefinite amount of time until he contacts me, or should I assume he's lost interest since he isn't making time for me at all? Honestly, I get being busy, but surely he's got time for a text or something, even if we're not officially together. After all, we make time for the things we value. Anyway, my thinking right now is that I should just give it time and if he wants to be with me he will contact me sooner or later, and if he doesn't say anything in say... another couple of weeks I can safely assume it's over. Only I don't want it to be and the question then becomes, should I try to salvage the relationship or let it go? What do you guys think? I'd love it if both guys and girls can reply to this! And if you actually read all of this, God bless you!!
 
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hesychia06 is offline hesychia06 Post #2  September 19,2010, 9:15pm
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Lol sorry about the lack of paragraph breaks. Hope this is better!

I've been casually seeing this guy, let's call him Shawn, for a couple months now. Our relationship is a little odd in a way since we were roommates for about 6 months. We were still living together when things first started and neither of us were really looking for anything too serious, just wanting to have fun together, etc. I'm not entirely sure what he thinks about the relationship, as in if he considers us to be together now or what but I thought it was a mostly physical thing. What I expected was that when I moved out at the beginning of August we would basically go our separate ways and that would be the end of it; instead, he continued contacting me, inviting places either w/ him or his friends, coming to visit me a few times, even helped me move. In fact, he will be moving into the same apartment complex as me on October 1st.

Either way, he did start treating like a girlfriend in a number of ways in the past several weeks and it started confusing me and at the same time making me want more out of the relationship. Some of it is just being affectionate and complimenting me on things like my hair and outfits, being a little touchy-feely w/ me in front of his buddies, but some is a more situation-specific. For example, he invited me out a couple weeks ago to the drag racing strip w/ him, his best friend (a guy), and a mutual friend of ours (also a guy). At one point when I was standing on the far end, Shawn just randomly leaned over and smelled my hair, right in front of the guys, though I don't know if they noticed or not. He's never done anything that blatant in public before and I wasn't really sure how to take it; generally he'll play w/ my hair, etc. when we're alone, but since he was doing that in front of the boys, I wonder if he was trying to make a point or just being spontaneous.

So I had decided at that point that I would try to talk w/ him about what our relationship is, etc. But, school has started up and we're barely seeing each other, and of course it's something I want to do in person at a point in time when I'm not going to stress him out a ton: he's a grad student and teaches part time while I work full time and do grad school online. He's apparently busy enough that he as stopped playing music w/ his band, which is very important to him, so I feel like he is being honest for the most part when he says he's not going to be able to see me for several days, but what bugs me is that he doesn't make an effort to talk to me in b/w the times he sees me in person, unless of course I initiate the conversation. Sure, I understand if he is busy, I certainly am as well, but there's no way he doesn't have time to shoot me a text every couple of days; if I can find the time, he can.

We wound up having a bit of a fight about a week ago too where he though my text messages one night sounded harsh and not like me, since I basically said he should initiate from now on and I would just do my own thing (since it hardly ever works out when I ask him to hang out and my schedule is more regular so we're usually doing what works for him.) The next day we spent some time together and he told me that he probably wouldn't be able to see me for about two weeks since he would be going out of town to his research site for a couple days on top of everything else he normally does. I told him then to do what he had to do and not worry about the rest. I don't mind not seeing him everyday since I understand being busy, but it's been a week and I haven't heard anything from him (not that that is such a huge amount of time lol). I haven't contacted him either b/c I got tired of always being the one to initiate the conversations in b/w our time together, and I was hoping that me not texting him would maybe get him to start texting me first once he'd gone long enough w/o talking to me; guess a week isn't long enough for that though.

Now I'm wondering if I should keep waiting to hear from him since he did say he'd be really busy for another week still and then start talking to him again after that time has passed if he still hasn't contacted me, or should I wait some indefinite amount of time until he contacts me, or should I assume he's lost interest since he isn't making time for me at all? Honestly, I get being busy, but surely he's got time for a text or something, even if we haven’t talked about whether we’re officially together. After all, we make time for the things we value. Anyway, my thinking right now is that I should just give it time and if he wants to be with me he will contact me sooner or later, and if he doesn't say anything in say... another couple of weeks I can safely assume it's over. Only I don't want it to be and the question then becomes, should I try to salvage the relationship or let it go? What do you guys think? I'd love it if both guys and girls can reply to this! And if you actually read all of this, God bless you!!
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #3  September 20,2010, 5:12am
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hesychia06 wrote :
...
Now I'm wondering if I should keep waiting to hear from him since he did say he'd be really busy for another week still and then start talking to him again after that time has passed if he still hasn't contacted me, or should I wait some indefinite amount of time until he contacts me, or should I assume he's lost interest since he isn't making time for me at all? Honestly, I get being busy, but surely he's got time for a text or something, even if we haven’t talked about whether we’re officially together. After all, we make time for the things we value. Anyway, my thinking right now is that I should just give it time and if he wants to be with me he will contact me sooner or later, and if he doesn't say anything in say... another couple of weeks I can safely assume it's over. Only I don't want it to be and the question then becomes, should I try to salvage the relationship or let it go? What do you guys think? I'd love it if both guys and girls can reply to this! And if you actually read all of this, God bless you!!
The post was too long for my feeble mind to grasp but the highlighted part above sums up my thoughts. If I am interested in someone I WILL make time for them.
 
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angloaustralian is offline angloaustralian Post #4  September 20,2010, 5:46am
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If there is a prolonged break in communication, and he contacts you from out of the blue, I'd be wary. It may mean that something else hasn't worked out, and he has had a weak moment. Being caught up in that probably won't have a good outcome.

I think perhaps that he has reached an opinion that you weren't who he thought you were. Even in cases in which people are well acquainted (having shared accommodation for six months for example), intimacy changes the spaces and behaviour. People cease to self-edit in the same way. This is his problem , not yours, I think.
 
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hesychia06 is offline hesychia06 Post #5  September 20,2010, 6:17am
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Thanks for the replies so far! I'm going to add a shorter version that is more direct in a new thread since I was kind of upset when I wrote this and all over the place lol!

Thanks again!!
 
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KISS_keepitsimplesam is offline KISS_keepitsimplesam Post #6  September 20,2010, 6:57am
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Given that you're both in grad school, I'm going t assume you're in your 20's. Here's the best advice you're ever gonna get from anyone. Ready? ASK HIM WHAT HE WANTS FROM THE RELATIONSHIP? You seem to spinning our wheels trying to figure out what he's thinking, what he wants, where this relationship is going, etc, etc. ASK HIM WHAT HE WANTS FROM THE RELATIONSHIP. You will sleep so much better - regardless of his response. Good luck!
 
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ISearch4Love is offline ISearch4Love Post #7  September 20,2010, 7:10am
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I actually read it all and he does not seem very interested to me. I've stated this in other threads but will state it here as well. Any guy that is truly interested in having a relationship WILL be able to find time to communicate in SOME WAY. If he's not contacting you at all, then in my opinion he's not very interested in an actual relationship. He may just be looking for the physical activity when he feels the need. I don't care how busy you are, shooting off a quick text ISN'T THAT HARD!
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #8  September 20,2010, 7:13am
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Hi -

Please go ahead and edit your first post by clicking on the "edit" button at the bottom; you can then simply paste in the revised version of your post if you wish (it just gets more and more confusing if you keep adding new posts, either in this thread or by starting a whole new thread ).
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #9  September 20,2010, 9:31am
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would very much appreciate it if the rain would stop, now! Thanks!

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ISearch4Love wrote :
I actually read it all and he does not seem very interested to me. I've stated this in other threads but will state it here as well. Any guy that is truly interested in having a relationship WILL be able to find time to communicate in SOME WAY. If he's not contacting you at all, then in my opinion he's not very interested in an actual relationship. He may just be looking for the physical activity when he feels the need. I don't care how busy you are, shooting off a quick text ISN'T THAT HARD!
I completely agree with this. It applies to both genders, as well. It doesn't matter how tired or busy I am or how crummy I may be feeling, I will make the time to communicate if I am interested. If I find that I'm not getting much of or any response, then I just back off and move on; no sense in making a nuisance out of myself.
Last edited by brneyedangel; September 20,2010 at 11:11am. Reason: spelling two letter words shouldn't be this difficult...
 
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ISearch4Love is offline ISearch4Love Post #10  September 20,2010, 10:56am
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neardc wrote :
Hi -

Please go ahead and edit your first post by clicking on the "edit" button at the bottom; you can then simply paste in the revised version of your post if you wish (it just gets more and more confusing if you keep adding new posts, either in this thread or by starting a whole new thread ).
The other thread was closed so this one will need to be edited.
 
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