using facebook to reject someone


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netgeek123 is offline netgeek123 Post #1  September 19,2010, 6:43pm
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I recently met the first person off of this site. We had talked back and forth for about three weeks everyday enjoyed the conversation. We agreed to meet up from the airport. I fly in and out for work and it was actually the easiest time to meet.

So we hung out for about a day and a half. (no sex) I asked if I should go home several times she kept saying no stay. (I was not getting much of a good vibe, she was slightly abusive in the way she talked ect)I thought well maybe she just had a bad day or something. I found we did have a tremendous amount in common. The site worked quite well that way I was rather shocked. then we talked on the phone every day after work ect.

Anyhow she leaves me a message on facebook saying she did not feel "it". I am not minding her not feeling "it" just using facebook to do that? I wanted to talk to her about the "it" face to face not use facebook or email to do that.

Is this a common way of doing things nowadays? Am I too old for this online dating? lol
 
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MileHighArtist is offline MileHighArtist Post #2  September 19,2010, 6:57pm
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It's not uncommon for it to be done this way. Email is rather impersonal and safe for the writer. They don't have to read your response if you chose one, unlike a phone call or face to face. there are some people that will call, but I wouldn't bother calling this woman or writing her. I would move on.
netgeek123 wrote :
I recently met the first person off of this site. We had talked back and forth for about three weeks everyday enjoyed the conversation. We agreed to meet up from the airport. I fly in and out for work and it was actually the easiest time to meet.

So we hung out for about a day and a half. (no sex) I asked if I should go home several times she kept saying no stay. (I was not getting much of a good vibe, she was slightly abusive in the way she talked ect)I thought well maybe she just had a bad day or something. I found we did have a tremendous amount in common. The site worked quite well that way I was rather shocked. then we talked on the phone every day after work ect.

Anyhow she leaves me a message on facebook saying she did not feel "it". I am not minding her not feeling "it" just using facebook to do that? I wanted to talk to her about the "it" face to face not use facebook or email to do that.

Is this a common way of doing things nowadays? Am I too old for this online dating? lol
 
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FaintestInkling is offline FaintestInkling Post #3  September 19,2010, 6:59pm
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To be honest, the most common response (even though pretty much everyone agrees it is rude) is to simply "poof" after the first-date/meet, i.e. you never hear from them again at all.

I think it's pretty common after only one-meeting and three-weeks of communication (if I understand correctly) to reject by e-mail or by its equivalent.

In general, I don't think it's rude. (In fact, it just happened to me yesterday, and I'm just glad she let me know anything at all rather than leave me hanging.)

I do not know if there is higher standard of polite-ness if a flight was involved, because I've never flown to a match or had one fly to me.

I sympathize very much with wanting to "talk to her about it"---i.e. try to persuade her, "you don't feel 'it,' i.e. a spark, chemistry, what-have-you, but we have so much in common, just give me a little more of a chance."

But there's really no point in talking about it. If a woman decides "there's no chemistry," no amount of persuasion will change her mind.

It frequently does happen that a first-meet seems to go really, really well, and the other person still says there was no "it" or "spark" or "chemistry," and you're left wandering "what more do you want out of a first date?" I don't think it has anything to do with age.
 
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socalgal55 is offline socalgal55 Post #4  September 19,2010, 7:00pm
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netgeek123 wrote :
I recently met the first person off of this site. We had talked back and forth for about three weeks everyday enjoyed the conversation. We agreed to meet up from the airport. I fly in and out for work and it was actually the easiest time to meet.

So we hung out for about a day and a half. (no sex) I asked if I should go home several times she kept saying no stay. (I was not getting much of a good vibe, she was slightly abusive in the way she talked ect)I thought well maybe she just had a bad day or something. I found we did have a tremendous amount in common. The site worked quite well that way I was rather shocked. then we talked on the phone every day after work ect.

Anyhow she leaves me a message on facebook saying she did not feel "it". I am not minding her not feeling "it" just using facebook to do that? I wanted to talk to her about the "it" face to face not use facebook or email to do that.

Is this a common way of doing things nowadays? Am I too old for this online dating? lol
That is just WRONG, and so very cold. So sorry, no one deserves that. Be glad that you didn't get involved with her more than you had.
 
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astro42 is offline astro42 Post #5  September 19,2010, 7:08pm
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chimerical is offline chimerical Post #6  September 19,2010, 10:26pm
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Eh, if you only had 1 meeting (regardless of prior communication), I wouldn't say she owed you more than that. I've used facebook for worse things...
 
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annother is offline annother Post #7  September 20,2010, 12:06am
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I can't answer your question, netgeek, but it seems inappropriate. I just (5 minutes ago) checked my Facebook page and found that my son and his girlfriend of many years have split up. They told the world about it on Facebook. I don't know why, but it just seems wrong to do it this way.

I thought of his girlfriend as family. It seems to me a phone call would have been a better way to tell me, but I can understand why they would want to tell all their friends and relatives at once.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #8  September 20,2010, 5:03am
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The best thing you can do for your dating life is forget Facebook even exists.

Having spent 1 1/2 days together on your first date you may be correct in expecting that she tell you "goodbye" in some other way than on Facebook, but an in person meeting to say goodbye is probably expecting a bit much.
 
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StPaulGirl is offline StPaulGirl Post #9  September 20,2010, 5:07am
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
The best thing you can do for your dating life is forget Facebook even exists.

Having spent 1 1/2 days together on your first date you may be correct in expecting that she tell you "goodbye" in some other way than on Facebook, but an in person meeting to say goodbye is probably expecting a bit much.
This is great advice. Particularly the part about forgetting Facebook exists.
 
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FaintestInkling is offline FaintestInkling Post #10  September 20,2010, 8:00am
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annother wrote :
I can't answer your question, netgeek, but it seems inappropriate. I just (5 minutes ago) checked my Facebook page and found that my son and his girlfriend of many years have split up. They told the world about it on Facebook. I don't know why, but it just seems wrong to do it this way.

I thought of his girlfriend as family. It seems to me a phone call would have been a better way to tell me, but I can understand why they would want to tell all their friends and relatives at once.
Just one person changing the relationship status changes it for both, doesn't it? In other words, it wasn't necessarily a mutual decision. If she changed her status to single, it would have de-listed her name as "In a Relationship" with him, wouldn't it? (I think that's how it works, but FB changes so much, I'm not 100% on it.)

If they did "decide" to tell people about it that way, yes, that is not really considerate, but that's not necessarily the case.

Also, I'll chime in and agree that social-networking (primarily Facebook, since it's the most popular site) is probably more destructive to relationships than it is helpful ... though it does have some good points, too.
 
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