Both of us interested but neither of us make the first move


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confusedandwonder is offline confusedandwonder Post #1  September 19,2010, 1:42pm
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Hi all,
I met this guy through eHarmony about two months ago shortly after i had my profile up. He & i are both in early thirty. We have a lot of things in common thru a few emails exchanged. We finally met in person although i was a bit shy for the first couple dates but it was mostly great.

He doesn't have a car because he lives very close to work so i was the one mostly drive to see him (about 40 minutes) which i don't mind because i do like him and i can see he really likes me too. Most of the time, we hang out for food at different restaurants then went for a walk followed by deserts.

For the past two dates(6th & 7th), mind blowing i know We made it that far without physical contact. They were followed by a movie at his place. Through out the the entire time, there were nothing happened and i'm not sure if he's too shy like me or is he waiting for me to make the first move? As a lady, i think a man should be the one to initiate?? am i being presumptious here? well, just a little more infor. I'm a very shy person and had only been in two very long term relationships therefore i really don't have much experiences on this. I like to take things slow to begin with but for the past two dates i think both he and i ready for that next physical part but it just didn't happen.

At the end of the movie, it usually really late at night and he asked if it was ok for me to drive home and i always had the same answered that i was fine to drive. Looking back, i know i should have said something different but i wasn't thinking at the time.

After that last meet, i haven't heard from him. I sent him a text couple days after that to thank him for everything and that i had a great time with him. I also asked if he 's up for another meeting the following weekend. He replied saying it's his best friend birthday and want to celebrate out of town. I said it's okay that we'll meet up again after he gets back from the trip but he seems to lost interest in meeting me again and didn't mention anything about that other than wish me good night and take care. If what he said was true, he should be back by today but i doubt it. Any input on how should i get around this without misleading him thinking i'm desperate and let him know that i really like him at the same time? I'm really scared of rejection from him this time. Or should i just let go of it and keep wonder since he's not going to keep in contact with me anyway?

Much appreciated for all inputs, thanks!

PS: i have no problem getting dates but for the one i really like is super rare.
 
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Breezy1 is offline Breezy1 Post #2  September 19,2010, 2:12pm
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I am befuddled by women who believe that men should be the ones to request a date, set up a date, pay for the date, follow up on the date, initiate physical contact etc.

Maybe this was acceptable decades ago because women lacked the resources they have today, and society was less accepting of a woman with any measure of power.

But even today, men are so often faced with the possibility of rejection, and women get to sit back and wait for the option to accept or reject.

In this day and age, I feel that it should be more fair and equitable.

If I were you, I would have already initiated physical contact. Lots of physical contact.
 
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nancymargritangelita is offline nancymargritangelita Post #3  September 19,2010, 2:14pm
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To me it doesn't sound like you did anything wrong. There could be dozens of reasons why he's not contacting you anymore or doesn't want to see you anymore. It's hard to tell what's going through his mind. It could be that he's lost interest.

Send him another email and ask him directly if he still wants to see you. If he doesn't commit himself to a meeting it may be time for you to move on. I know it's hard to do this with someone you thought you got along well with, but just know that you didn't do anything wrong.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #4  September 19,2010, 2:15pm

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kiss him already.
 
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Breezy1 is offline Breezy1 Post #5  September 19,2010, 2:16pm
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As far as the texting goes, you have already texted him enough times for him to know that you are still interested, the ball is in his court.

I know it is difficult, because you like him so much, but there is a risk in attempting to reach him multiple times.
 
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nancymargritangelita is offline nancymargritangelita Post #6  September 19,2010, 2:18pm
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One more text / email can't hurt breezy - after that the ball is definitely in his court.
 
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Jules5401 is offline Jules5401 Post #7  September 19,2010, 2:25pm
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I agree with the others that have said to move on.

But in the future sometimes you do just have to take matters into your own hands and make the move.

PS...I had a guy I met tell me he didn't have a car for that same reason once. The real reason behind it was that after his second DUI he had lost his license for a year. Are you sure there might not have been more to him than you realized?
 
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Breezy1 is offline Breezy1 Post #8  September 19,2010, 3:07pm
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nancymargritangelita wrote :
One more text / email can't hurt breezy - after that the ball is definitely in his court.
Agreed.

My second post wasn't responding to yours...I did not see yours until after I'd posted mine.
 
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LDJ is offline LDJ Post #9  September 19,2010, 4:14pm
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Make it a phone call, ask him if he wants to get together again. If he does, move on in the conversation to tell him exactly what you have told us, that you really like him and feel it is time for a more physical relationship but that you are very shy to initiate that.
 
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pisto is offline pisto Post #10  September 19,2010, 4:36pm
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Just get him drunk and seduce him.
 
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