guy looking too young, what to do?


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heyjude81 is offline heyjude81 Post #1  September 18,2010, 2:42am
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I am a guy who is fast approaching 30, but most of the time I look nowhere close to my age. I am confused for a high school student all of the time. One time, a guy was shoving flyers for an adult club on a busy street corner to every warm body that walked by, and he even told me to "move along, you're not old enough". Not only do I look young, some days I can't even pass as an adult, apparently.

I am baby-faced, I have a disproportionately small body frame, and I don't have a naturally deep voice. I've tried all sorts of things to look my age. I can't grow facial hair. I've tried different kinds of clothing, accessories, and hairstyles. I've been hitting the gym. Nothing seems to be making any difference. At this point it's so much in my head that it's undoubtedly affecting my confidence and showing up in my body language too.

This is causing all sorts of problems dating-wise. In college, this was less of a problem, but now my apparent age has fallen way behind my target age range. It's hard to approach women and be taken seriously enough to even get shot down. I get shut out many times on account of not looking very adult. I have a sense of humor, can hold a decent conversation, and have a promising career - but I rarely get far enough for all that to matter.

Other than going after women who also look younger than their age (they are relatively few and not that easy to identify!), is there anything else that I can do to help my chances?

I know a lot of people say I will be happy to look younger in 20 years, but I'd like to be happy sometime before then too
 
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trixie1868 is offline trixie1868 Post #2  September 18,2010, 2:50am

what the bejeezus is going on round here?!

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If you're talking online profiles I don't see a problem. You post a photo, you post your age and then it's out of your hands as to who finds you attractive ~ as it is for all of us.

Admittedly in real life it could be a bit trickier because women may assume you're too young for them but really, I can't imagine that anyone would be offended by being chatted up by a 'nice young man' only to find out that he was entirely age appropriate.

I can think of a couple of Bambis in my past that I would have been delighted to have discovered were just a bit older.

Go, enjoy, have fun, stop thinking so much.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #3  September 18,2010, 3:02am

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what trixie said.

I like younger men anyway- so someone my age but looked younger? yum.
 
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Tipitina is offline Tipitina Post #4  September 18,2010, 4:45am
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For some reason, as I was reading the OP, Leonardo DiCaprio came to mind. No matter how old that guy gets, I'm always gonna see him as a young man. Tobey Maguire is another one. They've got very youthful faces and probably always will.

You mentioned you'd tried different clothes, but have you tried working with a stylist? Go to one of the better department stores (Nordstrom, Bloomingdale's, etc.) and set up an appointment with a personal shopper. Explain the issue to them, and they'll pick out some clothes that both suit your body type and might 'age up' your look. You're not obligated to buy any of the clothes the shopper shows you, and the advice comes free.

You could also get a pair of really old shoes and constantly tell people you bought them new, back when you were 27.

Seriously, though, to your point, confidence helps, too. And Trixie and Scarlet's comments are proof that there are lots of women looking for self-assured, youthful men.
 
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windsurfing is offline windsurfing Post #5  September 18,2010, 5:36am
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What's wrong about looking young??? I just don't get it at all. I looooove good, smooth skin and a baby face. You are gifted.

Regarding your dating experiences, it may not be your look. We just attribute to things that we are most worried about (I should credit this quote to someone on this board, but you get the point).
Last edited by windsurfing; September 18,2010 at 5:39am.
 
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hmmm_me is offline hmmm_me Post #6  September 18,2010, 6:07am
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I totally understand where you're coming from. I'm 33 and have just recently gotten out of looking like a high school student. People still ask me if I'm in college. It is frustrating, and it doesn't help when people say that you will appreciate it when you're older. (I've gotten that line so many times!) I went ahead and put on my profile that I look younger than I am. That way people looking won't assume that I'm lying about my age. As for dating off-line, I don't know what advice to give you. I'm still having trouble with that one myself! The only thing that I know to do is to drop hints about my age. For example, if someone asks me where I'm from, I go through my whole geographical history and give lengths of time. "Well I lived in x for 15 years, then lived in other places for another 15." Or you can tell people that you're a child of the '80's. Find ways of working these things into the conversation casually and early on. I know that worked with at least one person I dated. When I asked him how old he thought I was, he had already done the mental math to figure out I was 33!
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roarimaraptor is offline roarimaraptor Post #7  September 18,2010, 7:09am
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I have the same problem. I'm almost 31 and I still get mistaken for a high school student on a daily basis. People think it's a compliment sometimes, but I find it frustrating and sometimes embarassing. Dating is hard because - aside from having a hard time meeting people in general - I'm not really attracted to older guys who are closer to my age, because they look and seem so much older. But the younger guys I'm attracted to because they look younger... have the brains and maturity level of a young person and I don't want that either. I've been hoping to meet a guy with the same problem of looking younger so we can suffer together and then not have to worry about finding someone anymore, but so far, nope.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #8  September 18,2010, 7:22am
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You are approaching this all wrong. Look at it from the point of view that for those that think you are too young to do whatever, the joke is on them. It is your attitude to your youthful appearance that is hindering you, not your youthful appearance.
 
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robv_la is offline robv_la Post #9  September 18,2010, 8:21am
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The guys in my family have this...I call it Dick Clark syndrome. Me and my brothers look about 5 years younger than our actual ages.

In your early 20's this did cause some issues, such as being mistaken for too young all the time. But I have found it a blessing once I was in my 30's and beyond.

Looking younger, feeling younger than you actual age gives you more options. You date younger if you like easier.

However, if it really bugs you, there's an easy way to look older. It's about attitude and how you hold yourself. Insecurity tends to make you look younger, inexperienced. Confidence will make you seem older, mature and experienced.

So I would say forget about how others perceive you, you cannot control what other people think. Focus instead on what fits for you....how do you like to dress, what things do you like to do, etc.
 
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pammersw is offline pammersw Post #10  September 18,2010, 10:14am
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trixie1868 wrote :
If you're talking online profiles I don't see a problem. You post a photo, you post your age and then it's out of your hands as to who finds you attractive ~ as it is for all of us.

Admittedly in real life it could be a bit trickier because women may assume you're too young for them but really, I can't imagine that anyone would be offended by being chatted up by a 'nice young man' only to find out that he was entirely age appropriate.

I can think of a couple of Bambis in my past that I would have been delighted to have discovered were just a bit older.

Go, enjoy, have fun, stop thinking so much.
Very true, Trixie! As a senior in high school, I had a horrible crush on this guy in my teen square dance club (no snickers from the audience, please!) who was in ninth grade. Three years younger than me, I thought. Horrors!!! So I called it "Markitis" and did my best to rid myself of those fluttery feelings for my crush.

Fast forward about three years, and we run into each other someplace, and decide to go to dinner. At dinner, I discover he's old enough to order alcohol! Whoa! Yes, he'd been my age back when I had the crush on him. He just started school a year later than me (I started early), had been held back a grade when he was younger, and had missed a year due to an injury and had to repeat it.

It turned out we didn't have enough in common for us to date, other than the fact we both thought he was good-looking. But I was pleasantly surprised that my crush on him had been age-appropriate, after all.
 
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