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AndieIsMe is online now AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #1  September 10,2010, 11:31am
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We all know there is a stigma attached to online dating. For some it is a huge big deal and they never want anyone in their regular lives to know they are doing it. Others have a "no big deal" attitude and don't care what others think.

I have met a couple of men who will say to me on the first meet that they promise to not tell anyone that we met online (as if I cared). I always tell them it is no biggie to me, the stigma attached is one that will go away. Who cares how we met. It's my life not theirs (the other "people" we talk to and might ask how we met). But, if they cared I promised to not say anything.

I realize these men could be telling me that they don't want me to tell anyone that we met online, and my light-hearted reaction to the whole thing might turn them off.

So, do you care if anyone knows that you met your partner online? Do you state this preference on first meeting?
 
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annother is offline annother Post #2  September 10,2010, 11:35am
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As far as I am concerned, the stigma is long gone. It's a non-issue.
 
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astro42 is offline astro42 Post #3  September 10,2010, 11:36am
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I basically grew up on the internet. I started using BBS systems when I was 10 or 11, so I really don't have the negative reaction some people do. Honestly, internet dating is extremely practical, especially for people who might otherwise have a limiting dating pool. I would argue that actually trying internet dating indicates that a person is practical, and actually tries to overcome obstacles. This is a good thing, not something to be ashamed of.

As for whether your reaction turns them off, you can always ask why they don't want to spread that information as opposed to your current reaction. If someone is so uptight as to reject you for not caring, though, then perhaps you aren't such a good match, anyway?
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #4  September 10,2010, 11:39am
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Never had that happen, sounds rather hypocritical. Sounds like their problem, so why are they on it?
AndieIsMe wrote :
We all know there is a stigma attached to online dating.
I have met a couple of men who will say to me on the first meet that they promise to not tell anyone that we met online
So, do you care if anyone knows that you met your partner online? Do you state this preference on first meeting?
 
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astro42 is offline astro42 Post #5  September 10,2010, 11:43am
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I guess, too, Andie, I'd consider who you are asking. If you're looking for people who aren't big on internet dating, they are few and far between here. We may not be the best judge as to why this stigma persists, where it started, or how many people hold it. Off the top of my head, I can only think of Nanette who is openly against internet dating.
 
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AndieIsMe is online now AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #6  September 10,2010, 11:47am
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I don't think Nanette is against e-dating. She might be tired of it, but I don't think she is against it. But, I won't put words into her mouth, she can speak for herself.

The men that I've met seem to think that I have an issue with it maybe? I am conservative in my political views, but very open when it comes to certain other matters (sexuality, jobs, etc). Hmmm, maybe I'm giving off a "too traditional" vibe... They haven't seen me shoot Patron yet.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #7  September 10,2010, 11:47am
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The stigma is long gone. I think you may be running into some serious stragglers who are way behind the curve of main stream society.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #8  September 10,2010, 11:49am
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I didn't even realize there was a stigma attached to online dating, so I guess I'm clueless.
I think if someone has told you "your secret's safe with me" or something similar, what they are saying is "hey, can we keep this just to ourselves.. because I don't want anyone to find out that I'm doing online dating."

I would simply say, "doesn't bother me, but its OK, I won't say anything if you don't want me to."
 
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slaw is offline slaw Post #9  September 10,2010, 11:52am
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AndieIsMe wrote :
We all know there is a stigma attached to online dating.
Is there? Five or ten years ago I would have agreed (and I would have been the first one mocking people) but I am not so sure about that anymore. I know 6 or 7 couples that have met online and no one they know cares. Heck, even my best friend, who was the best pick-up artist I have ever known, met his wife on Match. I think times have changed from even two or three years ago.
 
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astro42 is offline astro42 Post #10  September 10,2010, 11:53am
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I suggest asking them why they feel the need to keep it a secret next time they bring it up, since it sounds like you don't know why they're bringing it up.

I think that's a perfectly fair question. You can slip it in right before you ask if they want to do jello shots.

I'd actually be curious to hear the answer if I were you, since you wonder if it's a vibe you're giving off. Most likely it's just them, but you never know.
Last edited by astro42; September 10,2010 at 11:57am.
 
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