How soon/late have you talked about your exes to a current SO?


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petunialane is offline petunialane Post #1  August 29,2010, 12:55pm
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Tell me for a few of your relationships, at what point were exes brought up? Eharmony or met in real life relationships?
For me, they've previously all non EH, and we've usually gotten to the past relationships discussion within a month. Usually not long after the first date if I didn't know them previously, but most I already knew and knew their history.
Now that I've met a guy through EH, we've been emailing and talking on the phone and on skype for 3 months and still not discussed it. He's long distance and currently in the middle east, but coming to visit in a week! I don't want to know the details, just if I should worry about being a rebound, if he is a player, etc. but don't know how to bring it up or if it appropriate.
Just curious about your experiences.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #2  August 29,2010, 2:11pm
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In my experience, women ask about prior partners very quickly (often before even meeting, or at the first meeting.) They inquire as to my experience, and try to pry at how they compare.

I prefer to deflect or refuse to answer such questions, which I consider so innapropriate that even to ask is bad form.

I do not ask such questions, myself.

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There are topics which I do find legitimate, but I prefer to bring these up more toward the time of making an exclusivity decision (which is usually only a few meetings for me): that they have no STD, no financial obligations or complications with other people, etc.
 
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Emme0264 is offline Emme0264 Post #3  August 29,2010, 3:21pm
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I've broken every "Rule" ever written about this. Sometimes I even talk about them on a first date if I have a funny story or if it was a date from hell that's interesting (like the environmental engineer who turned out to be a trash man who expounded on trash and recycling and the public's ineptitude at figuring out the numbers on the bottom of plastic things), and there have been times I haven't mentioned exes for a long time. I play by ear which may be why I'm still single. :-)
 
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socalgal55 is offline socalgal55 Post #4  August 29,2010, 3:42pm
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A guy I met in my everyday life told me about his relationships within about two weeks and then wanted to know mine. Two guys from EH who I hadn't even met yet told me everything about their relationships on the phone and then wanted to know about mine. One poofed after hearing my relationships and the other I poofed on.

I really don't feel it's pertinent information, it's not who they are today. Hopefully we all learn from our mistakes. Why they wanted to know is beyond me, it's not who I am. It's where I've been but why is that someone's business?
 
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petunialane is offline petunialane Post #5  August 29,2010, 5:38pm
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Thanks for sharing, guys. I also don't want to know details, ever... BUT I really would like to know when the last one was and maybe how frequent (does he have a new one every deployment?) I feel it's slightly necessary for a real relationship to grow, since for all I know he just broke up with the last gf when he went overseas (army) and is about to return home to her. He's a truly nice guy and I don't think he's intentionally fooling me, but he does seem to good to be true!
I guess I just need to get over it and have a little faith.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #6  August 29,2010, 5:40pm
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I think it is a fair question if he will be reconnecting with any prior partners, upon his return?

I would see this as a fair question, and I would not be bothered to be asked this.
 
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Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #7  August 29,2010, 6:03pm
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It's incredibly inappropriate to ask about someones past relationship numbers on a first date. I won't ask. If someone asks me, the date ends rather abruptly.

I also find it interesting how males and females answer this question.
 
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Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #8  August 29,2010, 6:11pm
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Emme0264 wrote :
I've broken every "Rule" ever written about this. Sometimes I even talk about them on a first date if I have a funny story or if it was a date from hell that's interesting (like the environmental engineer who turned out to be a trash man who expounded on trash and recycling and the public's ineptitude at figuring out the numbers on the bottom of plastic things), and there have been times I haven't mentioned exes for a long time. I play by ear which may be why I'm still single. :-)

Yes, telling funny stories about previous dates or bad talking previous dates is guranteed to ward men off.
 
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petunialane is offline petunialane Post #9  August 30,2010, 4:31am
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Yea, you're probably right, no number questions. Just trying to decide how/if to throw the potential prior gf waiting for him question into convo. Thanks!!
 
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socalgal55 is offline socalgal55 Post #10  August 30,2010, 8:30am
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petunialane wrote :
Yea, you're probably right, no number questions. Just trying to decide how/if to throw the potential prior gf waiting for him question into convo. Thanks!!
I would think if he's on EH that he doesn't have anyone waiting for him. If he did why would he be here? It's not like EH is cheap. Besides, if he had someone waiting for him he'd be spending his extra time talking with her on Skype. Personally, I'd just enjoy the time with him and continue to date others.
 
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