How soon/late have you talked about your exes to a current SO?


Reply
  • Page 2 of 2
  • 1
  • 2
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #11  August 30,2010, 9:02am
Wiseman2's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: May 2009

Posts: 6,302

See profile

You have every right to know what you are dealing with: Marital status, living situation, job, kids etc. Details and long winded ex stories are not the point, who is he now and what are you dealing with is.
petunialane wrote :
Thanks for sharing, guys. I also don't want to know details, ever... BUT I really would like to know when the last one was and maybe how frequent (does he have a new one every deployment?) I feel it's slightly necessary for a real relationship to grow, since for all I know he just broke up with the last gf when he went overseas (army) and is about to return home to her. He's a truly nice guy and I don't think he's intentionally fooling me, but he does seem to good to be true!
I guess I just need to get over it and have a little faith.
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #12  August 30,2010, 2:24pm
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

Posts: 31,677

See profile

petunialane wrote :
Yea, you're probably right, no number questions. Just trying to decide how/if to throw the potential prior gf waiting for him question into convo. Thanks!!

I suggest you consider carefully how to word this.

I think the term "prior" will sound suspicious. I would not do this

Asking about other possible persons he would meet, although legitimate data to form an exclusivity decision on your part, is not in fact the key decision point to come from a first meeting - which is, do you want to see each other again?

Any inquirey about other partners will sound like baggage and insecurity. You're better off focusing on the determination of whether you like this person, and trying to be appealing so that he wants to see you again.
 
  Reply With Quote
WYskywatcher is offline WYskywatcher Post #13  August 30,2010, 6:22pm
WYskywatcher's Avatar

got her profile back! Thank you tech guy! :-)

Virtuoso

Joined: Jul 2009

Least populated state in the country!

Posts: 2,960

See profile

I don't ask about past relationships, and I don't talk about mine.

I see asking about past relationships as a short-cut to getting to know the person through your own experience and effort.

I don't need information on past relationships to get to know someone. I trust that everything I need to know about him is sitting right in front of me. I base my decisions on my interactions with him. I'm smart enough to discern his personality on my own. A lot can be learned about a person through the conversation over the course of a dinner.

Talking about exes is like inviting a third party into the current relationship.

If you've been talking for 3 months and he hasn't brought it up, maybe there is nothing to bring up??? Are you sure you're not fishing for information to validate or disprove a gut feeling you are already having? If so, I say trust your gut! Best of luck to you.
 
  Reply With Quote
livinagin is offline livinagin Post #14  August 30,2010, 6:31pm
livinagin's Avatar

excited about working again!

Virtuoso

Joined: Apr 2008

Somewhere in Central Florida

Posts: 3,237

See profile

I think this comes up naturally for me. I don't mind answering and if they are asking, I don't mind asking. Their answers tell you something about who there are and where their head is. Just me. I break the rules every time lol.
 
  Reply With Quote
olneyjeeps is offline olneyjeeps Post #15  August 30,2010, 7:04pm
olneyjeeps's Avatar

...

Veteran

Joined: May 2009

no

Posts: 1,933

See profile

Communication... If you can't talk about stuff, relationship is doomed. Yes things should be worked up to, but I never seem to think anything should be inappropriate. If they fought, I want to know why. If their parents had bad relationship, I want to know what they have done to offset the lack of experience of love (sorry reading trashy novels does not make up for having loving parents).

Life and relationships can be learning experience or you can just stick you head in the sand and hope for the best (which is not having your a** bit off).

Was "accused" of putting L on a pedestal... yep I did and intend to put my next love on same pedestal, next to me. Learned a lot from her. Learned what I want to experience. Learned what I will not tolerate. Will always love her, but realize and accept that she is not right for me. She set the bar way high for next "applicant."
 
  Reply With Quote
PUChemGirl is offline PUChemGirl Post #16  August 30,2010, 7:50pm
PUChemGirl's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jan 2008

Indiana

Posts: 34

See profile

D_Lion wrote :
In my experience, women ask about prior partners very quickly (often before even meeting, or at the first meeting.) They inquire as to my experience, and try to pry at how they compare.

I prefer to deflect or refuse to answer such questions, which I consider so innapropriate that even to ask is bad form.

I do not ask such questions, myself.
I used to think this was really important to know right away, but I do not think so anymore. In fact, I am now going to just let it come up naturally. The last guy brought up his past on date two, but he did not ask about mine. Anyway, I am with D Lion on this one.
 
  Reply With Quote
Emme0264 is offline Emme0264 Post #17  August 31,2010, 2:35pm
Emme0264's Avatar

formerly Andie0264

Pacesetter

Joined: Jun 2010

Massachusetts

Posts: 331

See profile

Oregon_Coast_Guy wrote :
Yes, telling funny stories about previous dates or bad talking previous dates is guranteed to ward men off.
Maybe so, but at least I'm being myself.
 
  Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #18  September 1,2010, 7:54am
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

Sage

Joined: Jan 2008

Orlando, FL

Posts: 19,670

See profile

I have no past to talk about. I can't recall ever asking any of my matches directly about their relationship history. I do ask general questions about their family, the family they grew up in and the family they raised, during Open Communication. This gives them the opportunity to mention something about their relationship history (divorced or widowed) if they choose. Generally any past relationship conversation is initiated by the women.
 
  Reply With Quote
suzyblueeyes is offline suzyblueeyes Post #19  September 1,2010, 9:47am
suzyblueeyes's Avatar

is engaged

Enthusiast

Joined: Dec 2008

USA

Posts: 855

See profile

I bring up a very abbreviated version of my history as soon as I know that I want to date someone exclusively. I will address it before if he brings it up, but I try to give the cliff notes version.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 2 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« Advice Gods Prayer | Dating | Pictures R Date Stamped from 2003 »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
People that still talk to their exes FebruaryStars Dating 56 August 31,2010 4:24pm
Worries about what exes have done to her in the past. crcstmike Dating 10 September 27,2009 2:31pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“I did answer and then also updated with news that I was premature - there is no relationship after all.” –  picklesNcream

Join the “Blast off...!” discussion

“For dating. I'm basically in a (lifelong) rut that I would like to get out of. Sadly, my good friends are also in the same place as I am - if not worse. The topic of women is non existent among ... ” –  JohnNorthSydney

Join the “So I've been thinking about getting a coach.” discussion

“I need some advice. I'm 18, never kissed/dated a girl nor obviously had a girlfriend. I just finished my first year at a top 30 university (full ride scholarship) with a 4.0 GPA. Starting my ... ” –  jrw93

Join the “Should I ever date in college?” discussion

“The point is no me seeing their photos, I can see their photos; it is them seeing my photos. This means nothing can be gauged by any interest they show to you. On FCW I've noticed the non-paying ... ” –  JohnNorthSydney

Join the “Free Communication Weekend” discussion

“TD, Have you PM'd eH_Advice_Host_Eve to ask her for help? She is good at helping people tweak their settings so they are more likely to get the results they want. Please consider contacting her if ... ” –  tink333

Join the “Different Strategy” discussion

“Did you know OT stands for on topic and off topic?” –  Bluskies4ever3

Join the “Off -Topic” discussion

“My inner child says I am. Anastasia is intriguing. (Her name too). I like the dress she's wearing in the ad. I wonder how eHarmony picks the couples for their print and TV ads.” –  Bluskies4ever3

Join the “Where is Becky?!?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 3:33am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0