why do they reappear months later, and in multiples???


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scully98 is offline scully98 Post #1  August 29,2010, 5:25am
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I'm stumped over this online dating behavior - I have had four guys contact me in the past week, all who I'd gone out with once. Two had said they wanted a second date, but never followed through, the other two I hadn't heard a peep from.

Suddenly, my phone/texts are busy with these four guys. Right when I meet someone cool that I've started dating exclusively. What's up with that? I haven't even responded to these guys, other than to say hi in response.

But what in the world causes such behavior in men? I went out with three of these guys in early May, and the fourth about a month ago. And now all of a sudden they're circling around again. Why??? I'm going to have to go ahead and tell them all that I'm dating someone else, but still curious about why they've returned.

Is this common to online dating? Never experienced it in real-life dating, other than the occasional ex looking for a booty call at odd hours!
 
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easy_breezy is offline easy_breezy Post #2  August 29,2010, 5:45am
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I'd say it's pretty common nowadays.

from what I've learned so far of 2010 dating (I was off the dating market for the past 10 years), is that men come & go at their will.

I guess it's because many women now are doing the same.

I get the feeling that no one is really looking for anything serious right away. It seems everyone is keeping their options open just in case someone better comes.

My experience on eH has not been very positive so far. I get most of my dates in the real world.

My worry about online dating (this could be because I'm new to this world!), is that it makes it easier for people to multi-date different prospects. Which in consequence makes the dates less intense and more like a shopping spree.

From what I gather so far, the reason why these men disappear & reappear is cause they go off to pursue other options and when it doesn't work, they come back to the previous ones that were not closed deals yet.
 
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Mokkesofie is offline Mokkesofie Post #3  August 29,2010, 5:59am
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My guess is that they've all dated someone else in the meantime. It didn't work out so they decided to contact you again.
 
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scully98 is offline scully98 Post #4  August 29,2010, 6:02am
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hmmm, yes, that's probably it. they were dating others, and are now free. and contacting me. I'm the backup. sigh.
 
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Mokkesofie is offline Mokkesofie Post #5  August 29,2010, 6:16am
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"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."
(Mark Twain)
 
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legend29 is offline legend29 Post #6  August 29,2010, 6:23am
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Mokkesofie wrote :
"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."
(Mark Twain)
Great quote!...everyone that is dating should have this saying posted on their wall...and on their refrigerator...and as a bumper sticker on their car...and...oh darn...I'm gonna steal this quote and just place post-its all over my house as a reminder!
 
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scully98 is offline scully98 Post #7  August 29,2010, 6:26am
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doesn't matter anyway - won't allow them to make me their option because I am dating someone else now. but was still curious as to the reason behind this strange behavior.

the only other thing that occurred is that three of the four guys became facebook friends right when we had our first date. and I recently posted a bunch of new pics from this month that show how I've lost about 15 lbs and really gotten toned with my gym workouts this summer. so they've probably seen those pics, too. I posted them about two weeks ago.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #8  August 29,2010, 6:41am
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Rather curious behavior I think. I have never later contacted any girl that I have broken off dating. I have had one girl contact me a couple of months after telling me that she had found someone else.
 
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dwightst is offline dwightst Post #9  August 29,2010, 6:47am
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easy_breezy wrote :
My worry about online dating (this could be because I'm new to this world!), is that it makes it easier for people to multi-date different prospects. Which in consequence makes the dates less intense and more like a shopping spree.
I think you're completely right. However - among the dozen or so I'm considering, there's always one or two I like a little more than others. I think the key is finding someone who feels the same way towards me at the same time.

But overall, for a girl, it can make this process a little tiresome, emotionally confusing, and time-consuming.

I have my fingers crossed though!
 
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TrekRyder10 is offline TrekRyder10 Post #10  August 29,2010, 6:50am
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Mokkesofie wrote :
My guess is that they've all dated someone else in the meantime. It didn't work out so they decided to contact you again.
Very true, but not everyone can handle multi-dating.
scully98 wrote :
hmmm, yes, that's probably it. they were dating others, and are now free. and contacting me. I'm the backup. sigh.
In reality we are all someone's backup,

I wouldn't even look at it that way, by not continuing to pursue you at that time (making you an option) They decided to pursue (focus) on someone else that they thought they had a stronger connection with, only to uncover that connection wasn't as strong as they hoped it would be.

People who struggle with the concept of multi-dating in the beginning stages, usually are quick to make a decision with limited data in a short period of time.


Personally I'd rather have someone come back because they knew they made a mistake, then have been strung me along by keeping their options open. IMO even those who are muilti-dating will have a favorite.

When I am mutit-dating and I feel my attention leaning towards one person more than the other, to be fair I will break it off with the other, I may have been farther along with that person, I cleary communicate this.

Sometimes it's really just timing..I don't expect to be given another chance, but some are willing to give it another shot, what do you really have to lose!
Last edited by TrekRyder10; August 29,2010 at 7:00am. Reason: It's rare that this happens.. but I rather have no regrets.
 
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