why do they reappear months later, and in multiples???


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chimerical is offline chimerical Post #21  August 29,2010, 3:09pm
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D_Lion wrote :
I tend to see it this way as well.

I can understand the argument from Chimerical, especially in a casual context, but I don't think I would trust the person in a committed context.

An exception might be if the previous end was due to an external constraint (such as moving away); other than something like that, I'd be afraid to take the risk.
I was really only talking about the circumstances you mentioned, I guess——casual/ multi-dating/early dating, like in the OP. In a committed context——never. I was just saying to my sister the other day, if someone divorced me, that door would be slammed shut & welded to the wall. Not re-opening with someone who leaves me like that. I couldn't trust that person again, at all. (I was even saying on these forums recently that it's hard for me to trust anyone who left their spouse, even though that spouse wasn't me. It does make me wonder about their loyalty/values. It's being too black & white to say, "I don't believe in divorce," but that's how I feel.)

But in the case of, "I don't think this is working because of the physical distance between us," or, "I'm seeing someone else at the same time--in early dating stages--and I like you both, but I think I want to pursue things with just them" (since our society looks down on polygamy!), I don't think you should be so insulted that you burn the bridge. (I mean, it seems like the offense really comes from the idea that, "Gasp! He thinks someone might be better than me! Nobody's better than me!" Which is more injured pride than anything.)

At that point, the person doesn't know you well enough to say whether they would ultimately like you best. So, I think you ought to cut them a little slack if they make a mistake, and take them back.

Of course, if they turn out to be a serial leaver (and try for the on-again-off-again-etc.-etc.), I wouldn't tolerate that. I just think that everybody deserves a second chance for what may be an innocent mistake. Personally, I haven't initiated breaking up with anybody, so far in my life. I'll let you know if I "let the wrong one go" if it ever happens...
Last edited by chimerical; August 29,2010 at 3:29pm.
 
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scully98 is offline scully98 Post #22  August 29,2010, 3:22pm
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I think if it's just one date, and you didn't hear back, etc, then it's not a terrible thing to hear from them later. Of these guys, I did hear from each of them afterward, just didn't work out into another date. So they didn't poof. Just didn't end up going out with me at that point.

Now, I would never go back to someone who I dated more than a few times and poofed or broke up with me. That wouldn't work for me.
 
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chimerical is offline chimerical Post #23  August 29,2010, 3:28pm
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SweetKisses wrote :
...to come back to me doesn't mean that you're now going to be happy with me or that you realize you made a mistake. It means that you're SETTLING until you once again find someone who you really want.
IMO, everyone settles, in some way. The last guy I was dating, I was deeply in love with, but he had all kinds of flaws. I could've dumped him to look for a "better" man, to try to "not settle." But why would I? Everyone settles. Because, no one's perfect.

If you're so blinded by love that you can't see your partner's flaws at all--you think you've found the "perfect" person, that you're not "settling" for a "less-than-perfect" person... Well, that blindness doesn't last forever. After you know a person's flaws, that's when you have to decide what you can & can't live with, and you settle for what you can live with. (Love/happiness & settling are not exclusive at all, imo--hopefully, you have or develop the former even while doing the latter.)

Anyway, I think the (mistaken) desire "not to settle" is actually what makes people leave good matches in many cases... After these people come to their senses, I would be happy to forgive their mistake and take them back. Wouldn't you?
 
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Botenmaru is offline Botenmaru Post #24  August 30,2010, 1:08am
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A lot of relationship doesn't work out due the fact that we always reserve something on the side, this is not a financial institute and doesn't require money balance, and obvious that we don't need to keep the options open. I am sure our emotion wealth is vest enough and able to invest in a single person, if it doesn't work out, then we move on, I don't think it is fair to any party that we have a reservation or to keep the options open.
Last edited by Botenmaru; August 30,2010 at 1:09am. Reason: damn typo
 
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cudee58 is offline cudee58 Post #25  August 30,2010, 1:33am
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Pigs!
 
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