SweetKatieA is offline SweetKatieA Post #1  June 7,2008, 11:18am
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So I got into open communication with this guy. Someone I would not normally date but I'm trying to have an open mind and expand myself and meet new types of people. His answers to the big questions were actually refreshing (and he actually cussed in them which I completely find endearing). He mentioned wanted his cages to automatically clean themselves. So, being a lover of all things fluffy and fun myself, I asked him what kind of pets he had. Well, he has a tarantula and said she's very docile and he hardly ever holds her... WAIT WHAT?! You hold a big hairy spider in your hands??!? And it's a her?!?!? And she has a name?!?!? I had nightmares that night about spiders... night terrors actually which scared my poor son and with my screaming comes his crying.. oh my complete drama at 4 am. So, what do I do? I wanted to give him a chance but I CANNOT do spiders. How do I tell this man that I cannot go out with a man who holds spiders?? I know this is possibly the lamest excuse to close a match ever but oh my... I cannot keep having nightmares about this lol.
 
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msgodsgirl is offline msgodsgirl Post #2  June 7,2008, 11:24am
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Don't close the match. Just tell him how you feel about them. Let him decide between the spider and you. I'm sure if you guys meet, he's not going to bring the spider along and if things do progress, he's not going to choose a spider over a woman/potential wife.
 
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SweetKatieA is offline SweetKatieA Post #3  June 7,2008, 11:27am
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msgodsgirl,134479 wrote :

Don't close the match.* Just tell him how you feel about them.* Let him decide between the spider and you.* I'm sure if you guys meet, he's not going to bring the spider along and if things do progress, he's not going to choose a spider over a woman/potential wife.*


*
I dunno he said he's had her for 5 years... apparently spiders have birthdays. If someone said it was me or Chloe and Sophia (my mean cats) I'd have to kick him to the curb I think. My cats are just as b i t c h y as I am and we understand each other and they don't need a lot of sweet talking just occassional pets and they sleep with me at night. He might not be so awesome.
 
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go_fish is offline go_fish Post #4  June 7,2008, 11:29am
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Sorry....but I think you're being a drama queen. You haven't even met the guy. Meet him a couple times, and find out if you even like him first.


And for your fear of spiders...it's only a spider! If you end up dating him, ensure he does not take it out of the cage while you're around. Or if you're especially fearful, make sure the spider is out of site (he puts a cloth over the entire cage, or keeps it in a different room).
 
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SweetKatieA is offline SweetKatieA Post #5  June 7,2008, 11:32am
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go_fish,134485 wrote :

Sorry....but I think you're being a drama queen. You haven't even met the guy. Meet him a couple times, and find out if you even like him first.


And for your fear of spiders...it's only a spider! If you end up dating him, ensure he does not take it out of the cage while you're around. Or if you're especially fearful, make sure the spider is out of site (he puts a cloth over the entire cage, or keeps it in a different room).
Drama Queen?!?!? [img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-frown.gif[/img]





P.S. What if it gets out of the cage??
 
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Spider is offline Spider Post #6  June 7,2008, 11:52am
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I certainly don't see the problem.


[img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-wink.gif[/img]





But really? If you're truly phobic, you need to let him know. If the idea just gives you the willies, then give the guy a chance, but tell him when you've met that spiders aren't your favorite thing. He may, as suggested, be quite willing to keep you and the spider widely distanced. Or he may be really into the whole thing, which would then be your cue to close the match.


Keep an open mind - spiders aren't really that bad - think of all the vermin they take care of for us.
 
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SweetKatieA is offline SweetKatieA Post #7  June 7,2008, 11:54am
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Spider,134508 wrote :

I certainly don't see the problem.


[img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-wink.gif[/img]


*


But really? If you're truly phobic, you need to let him know. If the idea just gives you the willies, then give the guy a chance, but tell him when you've met that spiders aren't your favorite thing. He may, as suggested, be quite willing to keep you and the spider widely distanced. Or he may be really into the whole thing, which would then be your cue to close the match.


Keep an open mind - spiders aren't really that bad - think of all the vermin they take care of for us.
Like pretty butterflys?
 
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javajava5 is offline javajava5 Post #8  June 7,2008, 12:02pm
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Dear SweetKatieA,


Your question reminds me of that thread a bit ago about people and their pets and how attached they were to them and how many would choose their pet over a match!


Methinks this guy is a package deal - him and his female spider just like it's you, your son, Chloe, and Sophia! See, you're wanting to change him already, as in "No spider!"


Here's some things to think about:


1. Would you think kindly of him if he said it's you and your son but no cats?


2. Some people really do have a spider phobia. Only you (and a mental health professional)would know if that's pertinent to you. Night terrorsare rather profound it seems, and you do mention you had them even waking your son and causing him to cry.


3. Your son most likely would have your attitude toward the spider and, at four years old, could kill it accidently. It could be viewed that the spider needs protection from your son as he's not old enough to handle a spider - especially if it did get out in some way.


4. You might want to think about how cussing in a match would be endearing. You have a small four year old son. If a guy cusses in his emails that's how he's going to be in real life?


You have a child to protect and train. It's not so attractive when a four-year old boy goes around cussing and picks up that behavior. It seems that would be a red flag to a caring mother seeking to raise a mature, stable, secure, well-adjusted son who leans how to properly handle frustration, conflict, and anger.


Cussing isn't the answer to that. One can't go around the workplace cussing, cuss in school, etc. It's immature behavior and is common. Anyone can do that, not everyone can take a more mature approach. A gentleman doesn't cuss.


5. Simply be open and honest in closing the match. A brief, something along the lines of, "I regret to say that I can't see myself with a match who has a pet spider, and with my small son, it wouldn't work for us Silly as it may sound, I have a fear of spiders; plus, I would not wish the spider to come to inadvertent harm as you can probably imagine how small children are rough, though they don't mean to be. Wishing you so well in this process."


JavaJava5
 
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SweetKatieA is offline SweetKatieA Post #9  June 7,2008, 12:06pm
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I dunno java java java... they made a movie where a kid saying" Asss Holleee" was HILARIOUS. Just sayin...
 
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SweetKatieA is offline SweetKatieA Post #10  June 7,2008, 12:27pm
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OK Java so I was going to try and ignore your post... but alas I cannot. I am not trying to "change" anyone.. including men. That's not my place. I am just trying to figure out what to say to this man whom I'm sure is very nice, even if he has poor choices in pets. Please don't talk about the "training" of my son. I like to consider it the caring for and raising of him, but I dunno some people's ideas might be different, I dunno more institutional? First off... my son would not be holding the spider. Not cool. And he doesn't like to kill things. Adults do cuss. I am so sorry to burst your bubble java. I CUSS (gasp). Like a sailor sometimes. However, I am adult enough to know when it's appropriate and when it's not. For example saying "People who criticise how others raise their children are a holes" would not be appropriate to say in front of my child. However, in front of my friends... ok. And I beg to differ... not every one can cuss with such finesse as I can. So, please when I ask a question about spiders, please don't ask me about how I'm raising my child. It's not nice (even a 4 year old knows "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all").
 
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