Date seemed to go well, but never heard from him again. What gives?


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lotusblossom63 is offline lotusblossom63 Post #1  August 17,2010, 8:27pm
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Why is it that you can go on a date, both people laugh and have fun, so the date seems to go well even to the point where neither person wants it to end and then you don't hear from the guy again? I went on a few dates like this. Everything goes well, we go to dinner (dutch) and even go somewhere afterwords, so everything is signaling its going well. At the end of the date there is a hug or even a small kiss and the stereotypical "Ill call ya", but they never do???

What is that? Why the games???
 
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BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #2  August 17,2010, 8:43pm
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lotusblossom63 wrote :
Why is it that you can go on a date, both people laugh and have fun, so the date seems to go well even to the point where neither person wants it to end and then you don't hear from the guy again? I went on a few dates like this. Everything goes well, we go to dinner (dutch) and even go somewhere afterwords, so everything is signaling its going well. At the end of the date there is a hug or even a small kiss and the stereotypical "Ill call ya", but they never do???

What is that? Why the games???


I will try to explain. There are people who don't take dates seriously. It is a game for some people. Others simply don't feel the same as you, but don't want to cause drama for being honest. Then you have some who expect sex and once he sees that it isn't going to happen and don't want to put in time will disappear. Then you have those who are dating other people and/or already have someone or multiple people.

Point is, what you experienced is part of the process of dating. Is it right? No. Is it fair? No. But, the tricky part is learning how to selectively date those who are on the same page as yourself from those who are not. Along the way, you will make mistakes, bad judgements or become a victim of those who are not genuine and sincere.

Gotta continue to weed people out and the only thing you can do is to now get your feelings involved and take things w/ a grain of salt. It's hard, frustrating and can affect you emotionally. But, the upside is that you have control over your life and can choose who you want to be a part of your life.

Hope I helped?

B. Y.
 
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bluskies4ever is offline bluskies4ever Post #3  August 17,2010, 9:17pm
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From what I've read on this forum, offering to dutch on dinner a/o movie, can spell f-r-i-e-n-d to a man. You might try letting your dates pick up the check for the first 1-3 dates (unless he suggests splitting the check) as an experiment, and see if you have better results. It's worth a shot.
 
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CluelessinATX is offline CluelessinATX Post #4  August 17,2010, 9:39pm
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lotusblossom63 wrote :
Why is it that you can go on a date, both people laugh and have fun, so the date seems to go well even to the point where neither person wants it to end and then you don't hear from the guy again? I went on a few dates like this. Everything goes well, we go to dinner (dutch) and even go somewhere afterwords, so everything is signaling its going well. At the end of the date there is a hug or even a small kiss and the stereotypical "Ill call ya", but they never do???

What is that? Why the games???
I have had the exact same thing happen to me many times. However it was females that did it to me. It is getting common, though very rude and selfish. Poof!
 
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robv_la is offline robv_la Post #5  August 17,2010, 10:22pm
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If a guy is really into you during the first date, he will try to be at least a little specific about the second date before you say goodnight. He won't just leave it open ended...ok I'll call you...

It will be more like...hey let's go out next weekend...or what are you doing next weekend?
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #6  August 17,2010, 10:44pm
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It's possible for a date to be very fun! but even so you know you don't want to keep seeing this person.

Also possible he was dating other women too and someone else caught his fancy.
 
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bluskies4ever is offline bluskies4ever Post #7  August 17,2010, 10:49pm
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My mom says that "I'll call you" is like saying "Have a nice day."

If a man says "I'll call you," then I just say to him "I'll call you next week. Be waiting patiently by the phone for my call."

In the entertainment industry it's "Don't call us; we'll call you."


One time at a singles' dance I shared with a man who asked me to dance, my annoyance over the I'll call you knee jerk habit. After he walked me to my car he said, "I'll call you." I never heard from him again. He was trying to be funny probably. Guys like him put the jerk in kneejerk.

Apparently, that tired call you thing is women's number one complaint. It can be helpful to not frame it as a malicious or hurtful thing, but that the person doesn't want to hurt feelings. Women do the evasive thing too, maybe even more than men do. Sometimes people do think they will call their date, but have "it's a numbers game" credo, or are looking for "chemistry", a "spark," which according to Dr. Warren's book, fades by 90% after marriage (but there's still the magical 10%!).
 
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neko88 is offline neko88 Post #8  August 18,2010, 12:31am
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BabyYoda, thanks for that read even though it's painful to hear it. I recently dated somebody for a month and had a gut feeling he just wanted some type of female companionship, so I kept telling myself he wanted to be my bf eventually but he never did and we slept together. I've only been in long term relationships, so I never had to figure out a guy before, they usually just want to be with me and it's mutual. He's still in love with his ex-girlfriend who he hangs out with still. Ugh, just thinking about it makes me angry at myself. I don't take it back though, I learned from it and I'm still trying to move on as of this day even though we have mutual friends and see each other. Sad part is, I still wish he called.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #9  August 18,2010, 5:10am
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So often we see this complaint. Date went well simply means that the person you were with has good social skills, as do you. It does not mean that they want to see you again. Their lack of contact after the date is your answer to your question - they are not interested. Social skills or an outgoing type A personality do not equal actual interest.
 
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scully98 is offline scully98 Post #10  August 18,2010, 5:31am
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that has happened to me a couple of times. well, I heard from the guys, but they didn't ask me out, just emailed a couple of friendly times, etc., talking about a second date and not following through.

I simply put it down to there being something else going on in their lives that I'm not privvy to. Usually another woman, or someone they've started to date that they end up getting more serious about.

Also, there's the possibility that despite what I perceive as a great date and great conversation and great chemistry, the guy just didn't feel the same things I did. I'm very outgoing and I used to be a magazine reporter, so I'm good at drawing people out and creating fun conversations. If they're equally outgoing, it makes for a lively, energetic evening that could feel like chemistry when in reality it's just us drawing off of each other. Regardless, it's fun to meet someone new and have those hours of great conversation so that's how I look at it in retrospect. I love learning about new people. It's fascinating to hear their stories. And you never know when that zing will be real!

So at this point, even after a great date, I don't assume there will be a second date until it's scheduled and the day of!

Whatever the reason, you'll usually never know and just have to move on. Sorry that happened to you. It is bizarre when you think you've found a connection with someone and they disappear after that one date. One thing to remember is that you are better off without them because if they're wishy-washy or a poofer, you'd rather them do that after date #1 than date #10!
Last edited by scully98; August 18,2010 at 5:34am.
 
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