found an ex-bf's online profile - interesting lies...


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scully98 is offline scully98 Post #1  August 11,2010, 12:20pm
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had dinner with an old boyfriend while in los angeles this past weekend. interestingly enough, turns out he's on an online dating site (not eharmony.) I couldn't resist looking up his profile and emailing him from it.

first, the guy - 55 years old, decent looking, nothing special, some even call him unattractive, and a bit of a nerd and slightly socially awkward and more than a little bit arrogant, but a brilliant and a successful guy who owns his own company. he isn't rich, just comfortable, but california comfortable which means he makes more than most people in america! so, not a fabulous "catch" but not awful, either. pretty middle of the road, from my perspective, since some of his good points - intelligence and stability - could be mitigated by someone else with better looks or better social skills or less arrogance.

reading his profile gave me an insider's perspective on how a misleading (aka full of lies) profile is born. this guy waxed oh-so-eloquently about how he's searching for his soulmate to spend the rest of his life with, and how much he loves romantic vacations complete with candles and good wine, and on and on. on paper, he sounds like the ideal boyfriend, long divorced, just waiting for his dream woman to step into his life and make it complete. and he had quite a few good photos of himself to boot. if she has kids, that's fine, he said in the profile, and he might want more kids, too.

okay, the reality? none of the photos were more recent than 2007, and he's aged quite a bit since then, and some of the best pics were eight years old and he looks 15 years older now.

as for weight, he says he's "about average" and in reality, he has a good 30-40 lbs to lose and it's all in his belly. I swear that some of his photos look photoshopped to slim him down. his belly isn't obvious in most photos. but it sure is in person!

worse than his appearance is the reality about what he's looking for. it's completely different than what he said. now that we're just friends, he felt open enough during our dinner date to tell me about what he wants in a woman. and that basically, he isn't even sure he wants to date, and never with the intention of getting married. (he's been a bachelor for 25 years, after just one year of marriage!) plus, he has NO interest in kids, so unless the woman has grown kids that live away from home, it's not an option for anything more than a few dates. and, on top of that, he claims to be romantic, but he never brought a single candle or wine bottle on any of the many trips I took with him when we were dating.

and of course, the lie about how he makes it sound as if he is ready for an intense relationship when his elusive perfect match shows up. he's not. he told me that he thinks adult romantic relationships are doomed from the start, and they'll never work out. that the best anyone can hope for is 6-12 months of togetherness before it all falls apart. and that he's prepared to die alone, without ever finding a life partner. he said he's perfectly content with his hobbies, and friends, and solitude, and that he likes to keep his life simple. he said, and I quote, "relationships are overhead. I don't want overhead."

so...perhaps I should offer to rewrite his profile for him???
Last edited by scully98; August 11,2010 at 12:24pm.
 
 
insertscreenname is offline insertscreenname Post #2  August 11,2010, 12:30pm
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No sour grapes at all, eh?
 
 
Dropdeadredtx is offline Dropdeadredtx Post #3  August 11,2010, 12:32pm
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This has happened to many of us before, having to read the profile of an ex and deeming it untruthful or misrepresenting the person that we knew. All you can do is let it go - maybe he has changed his opinions of dating and relationships; maybe he wasn't particularly truthful with you - who knows? Don't let it concern you or think you can do anything about it. Move forward and let him do the same!
 
 
scully98 is offline scully98 Post #4  August 11,2010, 12:39pm
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insertscreenname wrote :
No sour grapes at all, eh?
no, actually, not really! broke up with this guy 13 years ago and now just find it all kind of funny. really!!!!

Dropdeadredtx wrote :
This has happened to many of us before, having to read the profile of an ex and deeming it untruthful or misrepresenting the person that we knew. All you can do is let it go - maybe he has changed his opinions of dating and relationships; maybe he wasn't particularly truthful with you - who knows? Don't let it concern you or think you can do anything about it. Move forward and let him do the same!
sorry, didn't mean to make it sound like I was mooning over him. really did find the profile more interesting in its lies than anything else. cause if I didn't know better, and wanted to date this guy for the first time, I'd think he sounded great on paper. so I realize there are lots of profiles out there that are the very same. sound great, but have no connection with reality.

just puts me on alert for more of the same.
Last edited by scully98; August 11,2010 at 12:41pm.
 
 
AJ73 is offline AJ73 Post #5  August 11,2010, 12:46pm
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scully98 wrote :
now that we're just friends, he felt open enough during our dinner date to tell me about what he wants in a woman. and that basically, he isn't even sure he wants to date, and never with the intention of getting married. (he's been a bachelor for 25 years, after just one year of marriage!)
No offense... but if "you're friends" and "he felt open enough" to talk about these things (in confidence I assume?) why are you dogging on him here? It does come off as sour grapes to talk about a "friend" like that--- eh?

Did he treat you badly during your relationship or something?
 
 
scully98 is offline scully98 Post #6  August 11,2010, 12:50pm
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AJ73 wrote :
No offense... but if "you're friends" and "he felt open enough" to talk about these things (in confidence I assume?) why are you dogging on him here? It does come off as sour grapes to talk about a "friend" like that--- eh?

Did he treat you badly during your relationship or something?
because he's completely anonymous here, no one has any idea who I am talking about, so I don't think I'm "dogging" him. it's only libel if you knew who I was writing about.

seeing how inauthentic his profile is makes me wonder about the truth behind other profiles. I guess I'm interested in whether his behavior is the norm, or unusual.

but yes, when we dated, he was a bit of a jerk. so it's amusing to me to see him working so hard to try to still be the "cool guy" he thought he was 13 years ago and watch him falling so short. so I guess I shouldn't say we're friends as much as we are simply former lovers. he wants to date me now, as an occasional LDR booty call, but I have no interest.
 
 
Mr79percent is offline Mr79percent Post #7  August 11,2010, 12:55pm
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Same goes for women profiles. His profile may be how he sees "himself", so he may not be lying. Trust me..if a friend wrote your online profile, it would look nothing like what you wrote.
 
 
Dropdeadredtx is offline Dropdeadredtx Post #8  August 11,2010, 12:58pm
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Mr79percent wrote :
Same goes for women profiles. His profile may be how he sees "himself", so he may not be lying. Trust me..if a friend wrote your online profile, it would look nothing like what you wrote.
Great point. Maybe we should write each other's profiles on here?
 
 
NYCpigeon is offline NYCpigeon Post #9  August 11,2010, 12:58pm
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Thanks for the insightful post.

Well, he's not the first person to lie in his profile, or at the very least stretch the truth. This is why we all have to walk into any dating situation with both eyes open. Look at the behavior. Does the behavior match what he/she says?

This is why a person's past does matter. Past behavior is often the best predictor of future behavior.

Does the story add up? Yeah, well his story obviously doesn't add up. Wants to get married, but was never concerned with this in the past? Interesting.
 
 
ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #10  August 11,2010, 1:10pm
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I was tired of my lady, we'd been together too long.
Like a worn-out recording, of a favorite song.
So while she lay there sleeping, I read the paper in bed.
And in the personals column, there was this letter I read:

"If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain.
If you're not into yoga, if you have half-a-brain.
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape.
I'm the lady you've looked for, write to me, and escape."

I didn't think about my lady, I know that sounds kind of mean.
But me and my old lady, had fallen into the same old dull routine.
So I wrote to the paper, took out a personal ad.
And though I'm nobody's poet, I thought it wasn't half-bad.

"Yes, I like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain.
I'm not much into health food, I am into champagne.
I've got to meet you by tomorrow noon, and cut through all this red tape.
At a bar called O'Malley's, where we'll plan our escape."

So I waited with high hopes, then she walked in the place.
I knew her smile in an instant, I knew the curve of her face.
It was my own lovely lady, and she said, "Oh, it's you."
And we laughed for a moment, and I said, "I never knew"..

"That you liked Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain.
And the feel of the ocean, and the taste of champagne.
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape.
You're the love that I've looked for, come with me, and escape."


From Rupert Holmes.....Escape
 
 
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