First meet, unsuccessful. How to follow up?


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2clueless is offline 2clueless Post #1  August 5,2010, 9:51am
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Do you initiate contact with the match to tell them that it won't work out? ie. Send an email thanking them but....

Or do you wait until they contact you and then tell them it won't work out?

Nice guy so I want to err on the side of politeness.
Last edited by 2clueless; August 5,2010 at 9:51am. Reason: GrammEr error
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #2  August 5,2010, 10:29am
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Sigh....would you want for someone to call you up just to tell you "Hey I did not like you." Guessing not. There is nothing polite about that.

If he contacts you, then the courteous thing to do is get back to him and let him know that you are not interested. If he does not contact you then you are both done and that's that.
 
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pammersw is offline pammersw Post #3  August 5,2010, 10:39am
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The usual thing is that you both have a mutual "poof" as in "ignore it and it will go away."

The polite thing might be "thanks, but I don't think we're a match" but that doesn't seem to happen often.
 
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cosmicwonder is offline cosmicwonder Post #4  August 5,2010, 10:40am
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Why would you want to?

Wait & see if he contacts you again. If things didn't go so well chances are you are not the only one who noticed. Catch my drift?

That's just me...
 
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dmi is offline dmi Post #5  August 5,2010, 10:40am
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Usually, both parties have a sense of how things went and whether they want to continue or not. If you're both on the same page, you'll close each other and that's that. If you're talking about a non-eH match, then it's a double poof.
 
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ScottK is offline ScottK Post #6  August 5,2010, 10:45am
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First off, are you really sure?

First dates are always so nerve-racking for a lot of people, that it is just so hard to judge chemistry.

I approach the first date as a way to find out if there are any huge dealbreakers that I simply cannot ever see getting past.
Chemistry is of 2nd concern.
If there is some, great!
If there isn't, I am more than happy to wait for a 2nd date to look for that.

Anyway, to answer you real question...

As a gal, you are definitely lucky here.

Tradition usually dictates that it will be the guy that emails/calls and asks for a 2nd date first.

So you can just wait and see.

If he doesn't email/call you for a 2nd date, then you are safe, and you don't have to fret about how to let him down.
If he does call, and was interested, then yeah, you will just have to be honest with him, and just say you aren't interested.

Of course, this "tradition" also works against you gals in cases where you are interested in the guy...
Then you spend your next couple days a little anxious...
Wondering, hoping, crossing your fingers that he will call...
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #7  August 5,2010, 10:50am
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cosmicwonder wrote :
Why Catch my drift?
.

You feet sent it through my computer screen

I have gotten this where the person sends an email to me after the date and says basically

"thanks...but I dont thing we were a good match"

Sometimes its obvious...but othertimes not so...what are the reasons for the date failing? Was it just looks?

Personally I think if you had a descent conversation you should at least do a second date. People are nervous seeing someone sight unseen so they had their biases going into meeting him.

For example....you may have thought he was a hot stud in his photo and had that expectation but when you saw him face to face you were dissappointed in your expectations. There isnt anything wrong with his looks but you had a higher expectation (that was unrealistic).
 
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TrekRyder10 is offline TrekRyder10 Post #8  August 5,2010, 10:56am
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If your absolutley positive at the end of the first meet, that there is never going to be an second one..

Why not just say it? " I enjoyed meeting you, I just don't feel we are a good match"

I do this all the time.
Last edited by TrekRyder10; August 5,2010 at 12:05pm.
 
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shoopthedoop is offline shoopthedoop Post #9  August 5,2010, 11:21am
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pammersw wrote :
The polite thing might be "thanks, but I don't think we're a match" but that doesn't seem to happen often.
It's sad people don't do the polite thing often enough.

Why not send him a quick email as outlined above? It only takes you 30 seconds and definitely let's you know his intentions.
 
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elamshgl is offline elamshgl Post #10  August 5,2010, 12:15pm
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Unlike many people on these boards, I think the right thing to do is communicate. I find it absolutely shocking how prevalent this idea to ignore others is acceptable. I ALWAYS thank a man after a date (email, text or phone). If I want to see him again I say so. If I do not, I say something like "I had a lovely time and enjoyed talking. I am going to continue my search and I wish you the best in finding your match."
 
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