Dating Refresher 101 needed....!


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pammersw is offline pammersw Post #1  July 31,2010, 9:17pm
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I'm beginning to think it's me, and my lack of dating skills.

In the time that I've been on eH, I've been on a dozen or so "first meets/first dates", five of which resulted in a second date (three of those were out-of-towners here for a second day, so already obligated). One local match made it to two dates, one to three, before poofing. And a recent out-of-towner canceled what was supposed to be the third date of the visit at the end of the second, so I expect him to poof at any moment...if he hasn't already pulled off the silent poof without my knowledge.

I think it's my general lack of dating skills. I didn't date all that much in school, didn't date very much before I got married, and didn't date at all while married.

So here I am, much older, and I don't have a clue what to do! And I seem to keep sticking my foot in my mouth, or actually going out with someone I hope I'll be attracted to and I'm not, or I'm somewhat attracted to them but they aren't attracted to me....!

Anyone know of a "Dating Refresher 101" course somewhere? 'Cause I could sure use one!!!!!
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  July 31,2010, 9:19pm
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I'm not sure this is actually cause for concern.

Consternation perhaps, or even a conundrum, but not concern.

The data you post seems typical.
 
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coffeetogoplease is offline coffeetogoplease Post #3  July 31,2010, 9:31pm
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Pam

Not sure I should be teaching a course since you are having more success getting dates than I am. But I think a few important things are:

1. don't stress about the date. Some people call it a first meeting to reduce its importance. I once had no time to get ready - that was a really good date because I didn't have time to get nervous before hand.
2, be yourself. Just relax and try to help the other person be relaxed too. Don't force conversation. Have some topics in mind from their profile, your interests etc so you have a good beginning.
3. Don't expect chemistry with everyone. It would be pretty hard to be committed if we were attracted to everyone around us. It isn't a failure when there isn't mutual attraction - it is just lack of chemistry. And one more step towards meeting that great man in your future.

4. Be inviting...smile, use open body language, touch them if you like them...let them know how you feel through this and I also believe through words. I am very open so if I like someone I make sure they know it - I really enjoy talking to you or this was more fun than I have had in a while or whatever...I love hearing it and so I think they do too.
Hope this helps though I suspect you know it already,
 
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pammersw is offline pammersw Post #4  July 31,2010, 9:31pm
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I still have no idea how to meet people (which is why I'm on eH, which, for my mostly-rural state, isn't working that well), and have no clue what to do when I'm out on dates and am probably totally coming across wrong!
 
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pammersw is offline pammersw Post #5  July 31,2010, 9:33pm
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And that was seven years' worth of first meets/dates! So I'm averaging meeting slightly more than one person a year. "A dozen or so" was probably a bit high...thinking back, 10 is more like it.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #6  July 31,2010, 9:41pm
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pammersw wrote :
I still have no idea how to meet people (which is why I'm on eH, which, for my mostly-rural state, isn't working that well)

Well, one option (slightly extreme) is, that when you're driving along listening to NPR and see a Cute guy in a pickup stopped at the stoplight, bang into him (lightly, please!)

Get out and look innocent.

Maybe you will get his number this way?

If not, you have a good excuse for getting a new car.
 
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pammersw is offline pammersw Post #7  July 31,2010, 10:01pm
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D_Lion wrote :
Well, one option (slightly extreme) is, that when you're driving along listening to NPR and see a Cute guy in a pickup stopped at the stoplight, bang into him (lightly, please!)

Get out and look innocent.

Maybe you will get his number this way?

If not, you have a good excuse for getting a new car.
Can't afford that option! But I like the creative thinking.
Question: from behind the pickup truck, how am I supposed to know he's cute, much less single/in the appropriate age group?
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #8  July 31,2010, 10:06pm
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I think you're thinking too far ahead.
 
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pammersw is offline pammersw Post #9  July 31,2010, 10:13pm
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I'm just running out of ideas and getting really down this evening. Another "first meet" didn't pan out this week and by the law of averages I *might* get one more this year and that will be it for now.
 
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CluelessinATX is offline CluelessinATX Post #10  July 31,2010, 10:40pm
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If you got 5 second dates out of 12, you are doing better than me. I got 2 out of 20. I should be asking you for advice

I agree with the advice posted early. Have a few topics in mind to be sure there are no luls in conversation. Another idea is to go to a place where you are doing something together (e.g. movie, show, live music, museum), so you can talk a little about that afterwards or during the event. I don't like when a women tells me she wants to meet at a bar on the first date so we can talk. I have no problem carrying on a conversation ( I think ). However a bar is loud, making it hard for us to hear each other and I feel women tend to judge quiet a lot on the first date. I'm usually willing to go on a second date as long as nothing goes bad on the first date. It seem like women don't want to go on a second date unless thing go very well on the first date. On first dates, people are nervous and don't have any history with each other, so I try not to judge too much on them. I just try to have a good time with the person and learn a little about them.

This is just one male's perspective for what it is worth.
 
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