Confused on what he wants...


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SemiBlondeBeauty is offline SemiBlondeBeauty Post #1  July 31,2010, 6:15pm
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Ok I have been dating this guy for about two months now. I'm a pretty straight forward person when it comes to whats on my mind so I have asked about the fact of being an actual couple before and was shot down with an explanation of "I want to make sure I'm ready first". Ok I can deal with that... So time goes on and I start noticing that he always seems to be "busy" and there have been quite a few times that I have asked him to go out and do things with me and he says yes and then backs out at the last minute because something comes up. We were texting everyday several times a day, and it has slowly dwindled down to maybe one or two texts, if any at all. I feel like I am the one that is trying to keep this going and he is just along for the ride. I know he has been hurt pretty bad in the past and is cautious when it comes to relationships, but to me it feels like I need to just move on, but at the same time I dont want to do that prematurely because from what I have seen thus far, he is a really great guy. Is it just in my head or is there something going on here that I'm not seeing? What should I do?!
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  July 31,2010, 6:33pm
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If the person is making promises, and then not following through, that is a situation I would not accomodate, myself.

This doesn't seem encouraging.

Sorry.
 
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Wootz is offline Wootz Post #3  July 31,2010, 6:44pm
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Lass, we’re not privy to all the nuances of your situation here, so it what advice I give, I must give it only on what I know from what you tell me. *grin* It sounds to me like the two of you *are* “growing apart” as they used to say. What I see from your words is that something is lacking- communication. And I do not mean texting. *grin*

Talk to him about this. It may be that there is something going on that has him distancing himself, or is occupying more and more of his attention. If he is not sharing that with you voluntarily, perhaps it would be best to ask. If he doesn’t want to talk about it, sometimes that is okay. But I think it is best to bring these things up, especially if they are to the point that you are considering ending things.

I’m a pretty typical guy in that I get very wary when I hear the words “we need to talk” from the lady I am seeing. But sometimes couples *do* need to have these discussions with each other. When two people aren’t communicating well, misunderstandings and frustrations crop up more and more. People “grow apart.” It is something I know I have to work at, I don’t think this comes easily to many people.

If nothing else, I’d explain what is troubling you to him and ask him what is on his mind, too. That’s just my take on it. Good luck, lass. Hope things work out for you both.
 
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psgcooldog is offline psgcooldog Post #4  July 31,2010, 6:58pm
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SemiBlondeBeauty wrote :
Ok I have been dating this guy for about two months now. I'm a pretty straight forward person when it comes to whats on my mind so I have asked about the fact of being an actual couple before and was shot down with an explanation of "I want to make sure I'm ready first". Ok I can deal with that... So time goes on and I start noticing that he always seems to be "busy" and there have been quite a few times that I have asked him to go out and do things with me and he says yes and then backs out at the last minute because something comes up. We were texting everyday several times a day, and it has slowly dwindled down to maybe one or two texts, if any at all. I feel like I am the one that is trying to keep this going and he is just along for the ride. I know he has been hurt pretty bad in the past and is cautious when it comes to relationships, but to me it feels like I need to just move on, but at the same time I dont want to do that prematurely because from what I have seen thus far, he is a really great guy. Is it just in my head or is there something going on here that I'm not seeing? What should I do?!
My guess is that he's juggling another woman, along with you.

I don't usually jump in with that thought, but there's just something about the way you described his actions and words ...
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #5  July 31,2010, 7:01pm
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psgcooldog wrote :
My guess is that he's juggling another woman, along with you.

Could well be right. This is something I would keep in mind, at least.
 
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TrekRyder10 is offline TrekRyder10 Post #6  July 31,2010, 7:10pm
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I totally get where you're mind is at right now, as I am (was) in a VERY similar situation, Do you let it play out, or move on down the road....

Like wootz said sometimes you just need to have this conversations.
wrote :
so I have asked about the fact of being an actual couple before and was shot down with an explanation of "I want to make sure I'm ready first". Ok I can deal with that.
Do you know what his relationships goals are? meaning: is he seriously looking for a exclusive relationship, or does he just want to casual date or multi-date ? You just may not be on the same page as him, and personally I wouldn't compromise on this.. if that is what you're looking for and he is not, you'll get frustrated and he'll feel pressured. it's bad concoction for a relationship.
wrote :
but at the same time I dont want to do that prematurely because from what I have seen thus far, he is a really great guybut at the same time I dont want to do that prematurely because from what I have seen thus far, he is a really great guy
Also don't look at someone's future potential when deciding to stick around, look at who he is and where he is in his life today. You may enjoy spending time with him, but is he emotionally available for a exclusive relationship.


Hope that helps, and welcome to the boards .. stick around I know it helped me with my situation.

*Never make someone a priority in your life, that only sees you as an option*
Last edited by TrekRyder10; July 31,2010 at 7:25pm.
 
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Notthatblonde is offline Notthatblonde Post #7  July 31,2010, 7:34pm
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Don't call this guy anymore.
He's not that "into"you.
Ask me how I know!

"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't."
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #8  July 31,2010, 7:54pm
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Notthatblonde wrote :
Ask me how I know!

How do you know?
 
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phoenixian12 is offline phoenixian12 Post #9  July 31,2010, 9:03pm
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I went thru the same thing and still trying to get him off my mind. It's only been 3 weeks. We met online and hit it off right away. After 2 months he gave me a key to his house but there was no real commitment or talk about a relationship (you know boyfriend, girlfriend) so when I asked "what do you want" he would reply "I want to take my time". So I let things play out but after being patient for a few more months I told him I needed more. Our communication got less and less so I broke it off. He was wonderful and everything I was looking for in a mate but I felt that he wasn't being honest either he was trying to juggle me & someone else or really didn't want to be exclusive. It's hard not knowing but you know what you want and be firm with your decision. Time heals all wounds!! Mine is fresh and I do miss him but I know what I want and it's not worth wasting time!! Best of luck to you!!!
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #10  July 31,2010, 10:37pm
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As I was reading your post, the same thought crossed my mind ...he may already have another option, but at the very least, he's wanting to keep his options open.

The second thing that crossed my mind is, "never make someone a priority who is willing to make you an option".
 
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