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eharmonyadvice eharmonyadvice is offline
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Talking about money is never fun, but it’s bound to come up when you are getting serious with your significant other. Whether you are drowning in debt or rolling in money, there’s a time and a place for broaching the very uncomfortable topic of financial worth.
- June 5th, 2008, 01:50 pm
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2ndsojourn 2ndsojourn is offline
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I have not yeteven hinted on my financial status with any of my (thus far fairly short) relationships. IRA's, securities, a small business and a farm add up significantly and I don't need a golddigger making off with my kids' inheritance. My financial status is not at all obvious - I drive a 7 year old pick up and a 9 year old Acura.(When the wheels fall off I'll get a new one !) I live in a typical house in the suburbs and I cut my own grass.


I realize that at some point all this will become known and if (when) I get married again I would want some sort of pre-nuptial agreement (only to protect against a divorce). How does one bring that up withoutmaking someone mad ?


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- June 5th, 2008, 02:28 pm
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xgirl xgirl is offline
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2ndsojourn wrote :

I have not yet even hinted on my financial status with any of my (thus far fairly short) relationships. IRA's, securities, a small business and a farm add up significantly and I don't need a golddigger making off with my kids' inheritance. My financial status is not at all obvious - I drive a 7 year old pick up and a 9 year old Acura. (When the wheels fall off I'll get a new one !) I live in a typical house in the suburbs and I cut my own grass.


I realize that at some point all this will become known and if (when) I get married again I would want some sort of pre-nuptial agreement (only to protect against a divorce). How does one bring that up without making someone mad ?


2ndsojourn
If your intention is to live beneath your means in order to share more with your kids, you will need a mate who will not feel resentful that you are putting them above her/him, or a mate who doesn't care about material stuff. A prenuptual agreement sounds pretty negative and untrusting. Better might be to set up a living trust. You should have one anyway, Its way better than a will if you die, and your money will be safe from gold diggers without a prenuptual.
- June 5th, 2008, 03:57 pm
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FruitaBu FruitaBu is offline
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I was taught that finances were personal and private. I am very comfortable discussing this kind of thing because of my profession, but I hold myself back and never pry. I have had people come straight out and ask me how much money I make on a first date and it really took me by surprise and was a huge turn off.


I don't think it is appropriate to discuss this kind of stuff until well into a relationship. It's not that difficult to have a general idea of where people are on the financial spectrum just by their basic behavior.
- June 5th, 2008, 05:41 pm
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A living trust will not protect you in divorce on the future value of your assets. Will it?


Let's say your million dollar portfolio at the date of marriage grows to 5 million and you get divorced. Aren't you supposed to split 4 million?
- June 5th, 2008, 05:59 pm
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SuzanneInHouston SuzanneInHouston is offline
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I didn't find out aboutmy ex's money problems for a long time. I wish I'd known within the first month or two. I don't want to take on somebody else's $60,000 school loan debt.
- June 5th, 2008, 06:04 pm
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Suzannein Houston if that person has a 60,ooo debt and makes 60,000 a year or more why do you think you would be taking on his debt. I have school loans but i am paying them off myself. The cost of my school is great but I could not make the kind of money I make without them, and I had to paid for school myself.


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- June 5th, 2008, 06:35 pm
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BILLGOLF BILLGOLF is offline
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When you are my age (63) the vast majority of women you meet have kids and grandkids they are most interested in when it comes to their assets. I have no kids so there is somewhat of an imbalance here. I also do not have a lot of assets but only debt is my home. In my case I would not be adverse to, nor insulted by, a request forpre nuptial agreement. I believe you are wise tokeep some business sense as part of a relationship in your mature years. I would like to leave something for my family members but that is not my priority in life, I want to have some fun that I can afford rather than pinch pennies for someone else's benefit. I have had only one relationship since my divorce where money had become an issue, and being honest I was told I did not meet her expectations in that area(she had much more) and that was that. On the positive side I do not have to worry about goldiggers but a downside is I attract fewer women than the affluent guys.
- June 5th, 2008, 09:02 pm
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Please help mefigure outwhat to do. Over 10 yrs ago, I was married for 15 mos and then divorced. Financial nightmare! She was up to her eyeballs in high-interest consumer debt, which I cashed in my hard-earned assets to reduce... only to end up divorced with her trying unsuccessfully to tap my future earnings. I made a clean break, thank God.Now, I'm dating a wonderful woman with an income probably less than 40K by my guess and over 100K in student loans and other debt (which she happened to mention in passing).My salary is pretty high, over 10 times her salary, and I'm super savvy with money. Shedoesn't know exactly how much money I make, but she'smore than aware that it's a lot. We haven't really talked about finances, probably because she doesn't want me to think she's a golddigger (which I don't think she is), and I don't want her to think that I don't value her because she makes much less than I do. Ireally like her a lot. But, I'm terrified that if we get married and something goes wrong, I'll be exposed and taken to the cleaners -- especially after my past experiences. Even a pre-nup can't prevent her from taking half of my hard-earned retirement savings and half of the value of my professional practice/business. I don't want to be held back by my experiences forever, but I'm wary of taking that kind of risk. Other than dating someone with similar financial profile (and hoping that I'll like her as much as this gal), what in the world can I do to get past this catch-22 situation? Please help & be honest!
- June 8th, 2008, 07:07 am
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great article.
- June 12th, 2008, 07:57 am
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