Do Political and Social Views Affect Our Choices in Who We Date?


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suzyblueeyes is offline suzyblueeyes Post #11  July 29,2010, 12:49pm
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There are certain differences that I can respect. However, many political/social positions are absolute deal breakers for me. I am a logical person. If I cannot respect your logic, I cannot respect you on a level that is necessary to base a life together on.
 
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Raw_Truth is offline Raw_Truth Post #12  July 29,2010, 1:03pm
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I see bias present in about 1/3 of profiles and I see two general no-no categories, both of which 99.8% of the time fall under the general iberal/leftist/socialist umbrella. Mind you these are not profiles of young emo/alternative types but of successful, college-educated women (admittedly I do live in fairly activist area):

1.) Intolerance of certain people or institutions: Bush, Cheney, Palin, Ann Coulter, Fox News, military/Iraq/Afghan war, et al.

2.) Intolerance of certain socio-political views: hetero-only marriage, pro life, pro gun, Arizona immigration law, conservatism.

Literally, I saw profile comments such as, "if you like Sarah Palin do not contact me," or "if you voted for Bush do not contact me," all the time.

I guess in the end it's all for the best as such irrational pickyness portends of major relationship issues. But it is good for a LOL though.
 
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Cape_Codder is offline Cape_Codder Post #13  July 29,2010, 1:03pm

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suzyblueeyes wrote :
There are certain differences that I can respect. However, many political/social positions are absolute deal breakers for me. I am a logical person. If I cannot respect your logic, I cannot respect you on a level that is necessary to base a life together on.
You bring out an important point, that it is important to be able to respect someone else's logic.

I can see myself living with someone else who's political views are different as long as: a) they respect my position and are willing to listen to my logic. b) they are not extreme in any one view and c) they can provide a logical rationale for their position.
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #14  July 29,2010, 1:24pm

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suzyblueeyes wrote :
There are certain differences that I can respect. However, many political/social positions are absolute deal breakers for me. I am a logical person. If I cannot respect your logic, I cannot respect you on a level that is necessary to base a life together on.
Cape_Codder wrote :
You bring out an important point, that it is important to be able to respect someone else's logic.

I can see myself living with someone else who's political views are different as long as: a) they respect my position and are willing to listen to my logic. b) they are not extreme in any one view and c) they can provide a logical rationale for their position.
Cape that was pretty much what I was going to say. I am trying to find a good story, sad, they usually come quickly.

I guess what it comes down to with me is that I am open minded but I have strong beliefs that adapt daily. Political and social view wouldn't matter beans to me because I could not date a close minded person. The process of exploring the reason or logic behind their differing beliefs would, by the process, bring both opinions closer together. Close enough that it wouldn't be an issue. Even if it stays apart it doesn't matter because it is easy to respect why they believe what they do.

Ah ha, it is thoughtless opinions that drive me nuts!
 
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Ephemera is offline Ephemera Post #15  July 29,2010, 1:25pm
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I'm extremely open-minded and I need the person I'm with to be that way as well. Not because I think I am right and they are wrong. Just because I don't feel like we are in the same mental universe if he thinks I'm too new-agey and has no respect for my views. There are a few issues I feel so strongly about that I don't even want to be in the same room with someone that does not share those views. Gay rights are one of these. This is an absolute deal breaker with no second chance given. Ethnic slurs are another. I don't want to hear that they thought it was funny and did not mean to offend. None of it ever. It is not a right/wrong issue when those topics come up. Anyone who feels that human rights are debatable will never seem fully human to me. Different mental universe. Not one I care to live in.
 
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ami1uwant is online now ami1uwant Post #16  July 29,2010, 1:48pm
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Political issues, religious views, and social views are the factors that separate dating to a serious relationship. I dont care how attracted each of you are to wach other...it isnt going to work if you have differences in these views along with financial behavior/outlook, lifestyle, and the food you eat.
 
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ami1uwant is online now ami1uwant Post #17  July 29,2010, 1:54pm
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Can_I_just_be_Jo wrote :
. Political and social view wouldn't matter beans to me because I could not date a close minded person. The process of exploring the reason or logic behind their differing beliefs would, by the process, bring both opinions closer together.

This is the heart of the issue on viewpoints. They are beans in a relationship.

Is closeminded mean you have already decided your views and cant be changed by her...or doe that mean you arent open to discussion or debate.

Bringing opinions closer together doesnt work if the beliefs are founded on irrationality.

Try and talk to someone (conspiracy theorist) that believes the moon was not landed on but instead some hollywood prop stunt.
 
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Cape_Codder is offline Cape_Codder Post #18  July 29,2010, 2:00pm

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ami1uwant wrote :
Political issues, religious views, and social views are the factors that separate dating to a serious relationship. I dont care how attracted each of you are to wach other...it isnt going to work if you have differences in these views along with financial behavior/outlook, lifestyle, and the food you eat.
It's not realistic to cover these issues with one broad stroke of opinion. Specifically, I know of several friends who's spouse does not follow the same religion. Jewish/Catholic, etc.

One couple specifically embrace each others values and ideals and have a terrific marriage.
 
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Raw_Truth is offline Raw_Truth Post #19  July 29,2010, 2:18pm
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"Open-minded" = I want to change your views and/or I deserve to know how/why you think the way you do. It's simply tribalism 101.

Anyone ever wonder why ALL studies on the subject of life fulfillment show those that are liberal/left/"progressives" have universally less fulfilling, less happy and less successful lives???

They're too busy trying to change what other people think, too busy letting what others think affect them and otherwise paying attention to things and people that don't concern them. Not only does that never work (but as we all know this type of action is an exercise in self validation) you can't rely on someone else to make you happy, even "gettin' all up in the grill" of a (potential) S/O.
Last edited by Raw_Truth; July 29,2010 at 2:20pm.
 
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superbeetle is offline superbeetle Post #20  July 29,2010, 2:28pm
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For me, it is enormously important. Political views and religion (lack thereof, actually) were the only things that I set to maximum importance on EH. To me, it's so important because compassion is the central value in my life. I don't mind debating with my friends, but with a partner, I don't want to feel like that value is under attack. My BF has very similar values, even if they don't always result in the same votes!
 
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