First date went well. Who follows up?


Reply
  • Page 1 of 3
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
EmergencyNurse is offline EmergencyNurse Post #1  July 21,2010, 12:27am
EmergencyNurs…'s Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Jun 2010

Posts: 111

See profile

I had this very nice sushi date Monday night. We had a lot to talk about, conversation flowed well. As we walked to my car, I said "thank you for the lovely dinner. You're very easy to talk to." He echoed the same sentiments. We talked a little while longer in the parking lot, exchanged hugs, and in doing so, he said, "We'll have to do this another time." I said, "Absolutely." (Incidentally he's a psychologist). Neither one of us states who would call who or when. I did say, "We'll be in touch." I wouldn't say I feel a romantic connection right now. Time can only tell. I can most definitely see him at least as a friend and as great company!

I tend to feel that the ball is in his court, and if he's interested, he'll pursue. Should I adhere to that thought or should I send him a word of encouragement via a quick email or text? I would simply state, something along the lines of "Thanks again for dinner. I had a good time. Hope to do it again soon." Though maybe that msg may be too late to send? Granted I know it's only Tuesday (one day after the date) but just wondered if I should lob a ball over the net into his court. :-) I ask for your opinion b/c I would like to see him again, and see if our dynamic is even THAT much better on the 2nd date. What do you think? Thanks guys!
 
  Reply With Quote
dmi is offline dmi Post #2  July 21,2010, 3:50am
dmi's Avatar

dreams of Pyramids and Empires

Power Poster

Joined: May 2010

East Coast

Posts: 5,791

See profile

Give him a few days to initiate. IIRC, you had to do a bit of prompting to get to where you are now; don't be surprised if that continues to be the case for a little while. Even the "shy" men will initiate once they're confident about a woman's interest.
 
  Reply With Quote
NYCpigeon is offline NYCpigeon Post #3  July 21,2010, 4:15am
NYCpigeon's Avatar

There are oceans of feelings between us

Veteran

Joined: Oct 2009

Brooklyn, NY

Posts: 1,199

See profile

EmergencyNurse wrote :
I had this very nice sushi date Monday night. We had a lot to talk about, conversation flowed well. As we walked to my car, I said "thank you for the lovely dinner. You're very easy to talk to." He echoed the same sentiments. We talked a little while longer in the parking lot, exchanged hugs, and in doing so, he said, "We'll have to do this another time." I said, "Absolutely." (Incidentally he's a psychologist). Neither one of us states who would call who or when. I did say, "We'll be in touch." I wouldn't say I feel a romantic connection right now. Time can only tell. I can most definitely see him at least as a friend and as great company!

I tend to feel that the ball is in his court, and if he's interested, he'll pursue. Should I adhere to that thought or should I send him a word of encouragement via a quick email or text? I would simply state, something along the lines of "Thanks again for dinner. I had a good time. Hope to do it again soon." Though maybe that msg may be too late to send? Granted I know it's only Tuesday (one day after the date) but just wondered if I should lob a ball over the net into his court. :-) I ask for your opinion b/c I would like to see him again, and see if our dynamic is even THAT much better on the 2nd date. What do you think? Thanks guys!
He used very ambivalent/vague language (never a good sign, but not lethal). It could mean anything. You have already thanked him. The ball is in his court is a correct deduction at this point.

Good luck.
 
  Reply With Quote
tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #4  July 21,2010, 5:23am
tweet37's Avatar

has all the tools and can........satisfy

Power Poster

Joined: Sep 2008

New Jersey

Posts: 7,604

See profile

EmergencyNurse wrote :
... (Incidentally he's a psychologist).
That alone is enough for me not to follow up. In fact, I'd never date one in the first place. Especially a divorced one. (No information available to determine if he is or not.)
 
  Reply With Quote
Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #5  July 21,2010, 8:07am
Sassafras54's Avatar

Your Community Coordinator

Moderator

Joined: Oct 2009

San Pedro, CA

Posts: 9,080

See profile

Sounds like you both left the ball up in the air, with no indicator about whose court it's in.

I think you could send your message. Or you could be more proactive and ask him out. Or you could wait and see what he does.

Since you feel the ball is in his court, I guess you prefer for men to take the initiative? In that case, I'd wait and let him take it. But if your preference is not a strong one, send the message.
 
  Reply With Quote
2clueless is offline 2clueless Post #6  July 21,2010, 8:21am
2clueless's Avatar

says Festivus for the rest of us!

Pacesetter

Joined: Sep 2008

Posts: 437

See profile

I'd wait if I were you.

If I did contact him, I'd be light and forward looking. "The weather is going to be great this weekend and I'm going to do some cycling/head to the beach/go canoing/check out a local jazz spot. Would you like to join me?"
 
  Reply With Quote
lunabeach is offline lunabeach Post #7  July 21,2010, 8:38am
lunabeach's Avatar

Veteran

Joined: Jun 2010

Ohio

Posts: 2,167

See profile

2clueless wrote :
I'd wait if I were you.

If I did contact him, I'd be light and forward looking. "The weather is going to be great this weekend and I'm going to do some cycling/head to the beach/go canoing/check out a local jazz spot. Would you like to join me?"
Wish there was a like button - I like this response. Wait and hear and if you don't but still want to see him, keep it casual. It's a very natural, comfortable way to handle something that seems to have been a little awkward.
 
  Reply With Quote
Alli824 is offline Alli824 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #8  July 21,2010, 8:56am
Alli824's Avatar

thinks common sense is a gift and intelligence something one is gifted with!

Volunteer Community Leader

Joined: Nov 2007

Fort Lauderdale

Posts: 1,262

See profile

I see no problem in sending a follow up thank you e mail. "I enjoyed your compay, would love to see you again. Hope you feel the same." No response, or a vague response with no concrete plans, bingo you have your answer.
 
  Reply With Quote
bettinawindbloom is offline bettinawindbloom Post #9  July 21,2010, 9:14am
bettinawindbl…'s Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Jun 2010

Posts: 79

See profile

The times that a boy has liked me, he's always made actual plans to see me again before the end of the first date.
 
  Reply With Quote
alexlass is offline alexlass Post #10  July 21,2010, 9:40am
alexlass's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Jun 2010

Washington, DC

Posts: 56

See profile

bettinawindbloom wrote :
The times that a boy has liked me, he's always made actual plans to see me again before the end of the first date.
I tend to agree that if someone REALLY likes you, they will say that they'd like to see you again on the first date, or even propose an activity for the second date. How wonderful when that happens.

When it does not, the ball is in your court....but more important, the risk of rejection is there. Facing that risk is part of dating and you should initiate contact with the man if you like him, knowing that he might not reciprocate.

Personally, I would not offer him a set of choices for a next date. In the absence of follow up from him, the many options from me might appear too intense or be misconstrued in some other way. I would go along the lines of just trying to open the lines of communication and see if either of us asks any revealing questions like, "what are you doing this weekend?" Or "I hope we can meet again and talk more." But I would want this to be in the midst of a conversation, not a solitary statement in an email, etc.

Good luck to you!
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 3
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3


« Guys...your experiences on Match | Dating | am interested in him, but have some concerns »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Coupon on a first date: help me settle an office debate eHA_Admin_Lori Dating 594 May 2,2012 4:42pm
Fear of Date? passat1 Dating 12 May 2,2011 8:13am
Askin for the next date. First date versus second date. shoopthedoop Dating 8 September 24,2010 7:19pm
No second date yet.......I feel so stupid. itsabeatutifulday Dating 36 April 16,2010 7:06pm
2nd Date Jitters Timmer2 Dating 13 December 19,2009 1:45pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“I did answer and then also updated with news that I was premature - there is no relationship after all.” –  picklesNcream

Join the “Blast off...!” discussion

“For dating. I'm basically in a (lifelong) rut that I would like to get out of. Sadly, my good friends are also in the same place as I am - if not worse. The topic of women is non existent among ... ” –  JohnNorthSydney

Join the “So I've been thinking about getting a coach.” discussion

“I need some advice. I'm 18, never kissed/dated a girl nor obviously had a girlfriend. I just finished my first year at a top 30 university (full ride scholarship) with a 4.0 GPA. Starting my ... ” –  jrw93

Join the “Should I ever date in college?” discussion

“The point is no me seeing their photos, I can see their photos; it is them seeing my photos. This means nothing can be gauged by any interest they show to you. On FCW I've noticed the non-paying ... ” –  JohnNorthSydney

Join the “Free Communication Weekend” discussion

“TD, Have you PM'd eH_Advice_Host_Eve to ask her for help? She is good at helping people tweak their settings so they are more likely to get the results they want. Please consider contacting her if ... ” –  tink333

Join the “Different Strategy” discussion

“Did you know OT stands for on topic and off topic?” –  Bluskies4ever3

Join the “Off -Topic” discussion

“My inner child says I am. Anastasia is intriguing. (Her name too). I like the dress she's wearing in the ad. I wonder how eHarmony picks the couples for their print and TV ads.” –  Bluskies4ever3

Join the “Where is Becky?!?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 3:03am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0