matiltaf is offline matiltaf Post #1  July 13,2010, 8:51am
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I always seem to know the answers to some things that I want to ask on here but this is a doozy...My friend (Yes, really) is "seeing " a guy or I don't even know what to call it. She hangs out with him to "watch movies" they have sex then he brings her home. They don't go on dates and she says that she is okay with all of this, problem is I think she likes him more than that and she is headed down Heartbreak Trail. The guy is telling her he doesn't want a "girlfriend" but does want sex, she thinks if she hangs in there, he will change his mind. I say "No Way" there is something and it's called a "Booty Call" Right?? And do "Booty Calls" EVER turn into relationships??
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #2  July 13,2010, 9:01am
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Sounds like your friend will just have to learn that though lesson on her own. I don't think that anything that you say will cause her to change her mind about what she is doing. She herself has to reach the realization that the situation is not going to work out. Until then, all you can do is stand by.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #3  July 13,2010, 9:07am
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Somebody posted here once about a booty-call arrangement that did turn into love. I don't think that happens very often though.

Your role is to be her friend. If she gets shot down, you can be there for her (no saying "I told you so" until many years later!). It's probable her heart is going to get broken.
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #4  July 13,2010, 9:07am
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the one thing about relationships is that it is 1000% times easier to give advice from the outside looking in. When you're not the one with the feelings involved in the situation, you can take a rational, reasonable approach to offering advice.

However, when your emotions are entangled in the web, you don't see things so clearly, even if someone tells you. Agree... some things you have to learn the hard way.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #5  July 13,2010, 9:34am
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matiltaf wrote :
I always seem to know the answers to some things that I want to ask on here but this is a doozy...My friend (Yes, really) is "seeing " a guy or I don't even know what to call it. She hangs out with him to "watch movies" they have sex then he brings her home. They don't go on dates and she says that she is okay with all of this, problem is I think she likes him more than that and she is headed down Heartbreak Trail.
Why do you think this? In my experience, there's nothing you are going to say that is going to change her mind.
Like others have said, I'd butt out.
 
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matiltaf is offline matiltaf Post #6  July 14,2010, 1:50pm
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I didn't ask this question the right way. I am surely staying out of it but the way she talks about their interactions makes me wonder if she is right, that he is scared and will come around to wanting a true relationship with her, they have a ton in common and she absolutely glows when she is talking about him, so that was my motivation for the question, I am in NO position to give ANYONE dating advice lol
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #7  July 14,2010, 2:37pm
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Well then, when a man tells a woman something that she does not want to hear, he is telling her the truth and she should listen carefully. If the woman then decides to ignore it and come up with rationalizations and excuses, she is proceeding at her own risk and it will invariably lead to heartbreak.
 
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richey is offline richey Post #8  July 15,2010, 3:41am
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Matiltaf,

ya.. what a tough position to be in. You can see it coming and want to protect your friend, but she doen't want to listen to you and thus its' like "save her? or support/be loyal to her?"

The truth is, as others have said, she is not going to leave this guy because somebody told her too. She's too far in. And that's okay. She needs to go through this and needs her friends supporting her when she falls.

But, you have every right to give her your honest opinions about the situation (without trying to tell her what to do). Thigns like, "well.. i nkow you really hope and believe he'll come around, but that is not a guarantee and so my advice is just that you protect yourself enough incase he doesn't come around..." And that woudl be fair, not telling her what to do, just giving her things to kick around and help her deal with it even if she's too far in.

Best thing you can do is be honest when asked or talked to, give her the best advice you can give her to help her prepare for whatever she needs to prepare for while letting her make her own decisions, and support her always regardless of what happens. Beleve me, she's listnening somewhere inside her ~ and your advice and words will impact her in the long run.. even if she has some falls along the way.

Good luck and hang in there.
Richey
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #9  July 15,2010, 3:52am
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We can't possibly know for sure because ...well, stuff happens, but I think most of us here will agree that this is not going to end well for your friend.

It wouldn't be the first time in history that a woman has over-ridden her sense and sensibility with some emotionally-driven fantasy that "this guy is different", "he doesn't really mean what he says/does", or "I'm sure that my love for him can make him change".

Sadly, as most here have already stated, this will be a life lesson she needs to learn for herself ...the hard and painful way.
 
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AnalogGuppy is offline AnalogGuppy Post #10  July 15,2010, 1:10pm
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I think it really has to be left to her - maybe she is just enjoying herself. In the past I was in one fairly long term relationship like this and it was a great deal of fun - it didn't last but it wasn't meant to. If nothing else, he has made his feelings clear and she should know where she stands. It is possible something else may develop as a result, but in my opinion it is unlikely.
 
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