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mikeinor is offline mikeinor Post #1  July 12,2010, 6:13pm
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After many disappointing and frustrating dates I feel like I might have finally met someone with a mutual compatibility and mutual interest.

On paper she really didn't pan out and I had many trepidations in meeting her.

Occasional smoker was top of the list. She is from the former eastern block which is neither here nor there (Ok, maybe just a bit sexy) but I had concerns about our views on alcohol (I did my partying when I was young and I have many concerns about drinking when it comes to my 5 year old daughter because of her mothers problems and her mother's family history).

Her cats are another turn off for me.

I am way overly sensitive to a mates outlook on working and their employability (Again due to my Ex).

My biggest concern was what appeared to be 3 Ex's.

So we met for lunch on Saturday and had a very pleasant time. She actually dressed nicely but not extravagantly for the occasion which I felt compelled to compliment her on. She returned the compliment by telling me how refreshing it was for her to meet someone that didn't show up in shorts and flip-flops for a first date. Imagine that, someone actually willing to put a bit of time into her appearance for the sole purpose of meeting me! A definite first! She is shy as am I. After lunch as we were walking I received a few light brushes from her arm and torso which I took as an opportunity to grab her hand and hold it while walking through the city.

We made kind of loose plans to get together on Sunday. I called my buddy and canceled our Sunday plans but didn't hear back from her when she was finished with her hike with her friends on Saturday.

Sunday I picked her up at her place around 1:00. I was going to be early (A no-no I have learned from this forum) so I stopped off at the store and packed the cooler with ice, bottles of water and fresh fruit then picked her up at her place.

We picked up a subway sandwich on our way to my favorite camping spot. I stopped at my favorite rest stop and showed her the hidden treasure of a roaring water fall a short hike down the trail. When I asked if she would like to hike to the top she replied with an immediate "YES". After which we went to the lake and ate lunch.

We took a short hike around the trail which we pretty much had to ourselves then rented a row boat. I rowed out to the middle and showed her the bottom which we could almost touch if it weren't for the 300 feet of crystal clear water in our way. Being that we are both fair skinned and neither of us wanted to get all greasy with sun screen I stayed towards the shaded shore as we explored the lake. I ran into the shore / thickets a half dozen times as we were both kind of preoccupied with looking at each other as we talked and I rowed.

After the lake we stopped for dinner and had a great conversation with the occasional quiet but not uncomfortable moments. When she shared her views and experiences of growing up under the Soviets I couldn't help the tear or two that rolled out of the corner of my eye. Not that she had anything tragic or upsetting to tell me but it was more just her passion and tone as she shared some deeply personal feelings. I was also quite impressed when she insisted on picking up the dinner check (A first for me!)

I took her home and walked her to her door which she promptly opened and walked through leaving it wide open behind her. I sat on her sofa leaving plenty of room next to me as we made a bit of chit chat. It wasn't working for me so I asked if we could go for a walk. It took a few minutes to find the opportunity to grab her hand a again. I finally stopped at a quiet spot by the bike racks in front of her sons school which naturally brought her around face to face with me. I asked her permission for a kiss to which I received a "uh... well... I don't know... maybe.." so I relieved the awkward moment.

No detectable smoky taste which was a relief. Her blushing cheeks with very sexy hints of freckles were priceless and made a deep impression on me.
Last edited by mikeinor; July 12,2010 at 6:22pm.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #2  July 12,2010, 6:40pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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Nice story and I hope things work out.

When I read about people finding reasons to overlook potential problems I generally get a bad feeling about the situation. The cats thing I don't see as a real problem. If she has a smoking or alcohol issue that might be a problem....though it might not come out until down the road a while and you didn't mention any specifics about the alcohol. What I've found with 'occasional smoker' is that occasional generally translates into a bit more than occasional. If the '3 exs' you mention were 3 previous marriages....that would be a big red flag to me. In any case.....good luck and best wishes.
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #3  July 12,2010, 6:45pm
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beautiful, sweet story. I wish you much luck here... we can always find an excuse to see a dealbreaker... sometimes, it's the other stuff that matters more anyway .

good luck!
 
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SierraMountainAir is offline SierraMountainAir Post #4  July 12,2010, 6:50pm
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If she was from the Soviet or Poland or Ukraine, know that the males in those countries are notorious for alcoholism and beating and mistreating their wives, so when you find out about the divorces perhaps some understanding could be shown, but THREE of them, ehhhh, that's not so good.

Smoking cigarettes unfortunately is just super commonplace over there

She seems to have recovered ok, from your story..

Nice story, well told. I hope it works out for you. It sounds like a nicely paced romance so far, maybe a future exists for this...


But ALWAYS keep the interests of your 5 year old, PARAMOUNT.
 
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mikeinor is offline mikeinor Post #5  July 12,2010, 6:55pm
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jayjay wrote :
Nice story and I hope things work out.

When I read about people finding reasons to overlook potential problems I generally get a bad feeling about the situation. The cats thing I don't see as a real problem. If she has a smoking or alcohol issue that might be a problem....though it might not come out until down the road a while and you didn't mention any specifics about the alcohol. What I've found with 'occasional smoker' is that occasional generally translates into a bit more than occasional. If the '3 exs' you mention were 3 previous marriages....that would be a big red flag to me. In any case.....good luck and best wishes.
Points well taken! I had a beer and she had a Margaretta at dinner on Sunday. She actually brought up the topic at which time I shared my views and she shared hers. Her background and many Russian friends lead to a conversation about vodka.

I read occasional smoker as less than a carton a day.
The smell of her house and taste of her lips (And 10 hours together without any noticeable nicotine fidgeting) leads me to be hopeful but cautious on the smoking issue. Enough to see how things develop.

The 3 Ex's are still a concern but an openness in discussing them and her being very upfront in telling me about them early on gives me enough hope to not slam the door.


I really enjoyed hearing about her childhood in Russia and how different it was from my childhood. Then I loved hearing about her family with the realization of how much people are the same no matter where you go.
Last edited by mikeinor; July 12,2010 at 9:34pm.
 
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singinggirl is offline singinggirl Post #6  July 12,2010, 6:57pm
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Sounds like a really nice weekend! And what a great date, by the way!
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #7  July 12,2010, 7:00pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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mikeinor wrote :
I read occasional smoker as less than a carton a day.
I take it you mean a pack a day....not a carton a day. I think a carton is like 20 packs or something like that. lol
 
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NYCpigeon is offline NYCpigeon Post #8  July 12,2010, 7:11pm
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My concern would be that she was raised under Soviet rule. I have met and known people that have been as well. The oppression that they experienced is enormous. Many are damaged beyond repair. I don't want to go into details because I might offend someone.

Be very careful.
 
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mikeinor is offline mikeinor Post #9  July 12,2010, 9:28pm
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jayjay wrote :
I take it you mean a pack a day....not a carton a day. I think a carton is like 20 packs or something like that. lol
:-) No, my experience has been that people that smoke less than a carton a day will represent themselves as an occasional smoker. :-)

I haven't inquired about what being an occasional smoker means to her yet. I haven't gotten the impression of any kind of stretching the truth from her yet.

Somethings reveal themselves.

NYCpigeon wrote :
My concern would be that she was raised under Soviet rule. I have met and known people that have been as well. The oppression that they experienced is enormous. Many are damaged beyond repair. I don't want to go into details because I might offend someone.

Be very careful.

Her family was pretty prominent in the Russian military, so the fall of the Soviet Union was a very scary portion of her life (Late teens). What impressed me was she prefaced her opinions about Russia in terms of her family being pretty well off under the communist rule as a contrast to not every Russian would have the same experiences or opinions. I appreciate that awareness of ones experiences being one's point of view not necessarily everyones point of view.

My Ex was raised by two drunks. The damage in her case was beyond repair. Her brother in contrast was able to distance himself and overcome the same upbringing.

My Ex taught me that you can't fix people even if they say they want to be fixed. I don't get the feeling that I am taking on another project at all. I don't feel any need for rescuing... which is my biggest concern about myself.

I have my many prejudices and unfounded impressions. It was a lot of fun talking with someone who could expand my point of view and challenge my thoughts on many different subjects.
Last edited by mikeinor; July 12,2010 at 9:37pm.
 
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Tendersoul is offline Tendersoul Post #10  July 13,2010, 5:28am
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NYCpigeon wrote :
My concern would be that she was raised under Soviet rule. I have met and known people that have been as well. The oppression that they experienced is enormous. Many are damaged beyond repair. I don't want to go into details because I might offend someone.

Be very careful.
That post sounded rather funny to me . I'm from the ex Soviet Union, not too damaged though as it seems to me .
P.S. Great discussion board by the way, I'm quite new to it and enjoy it enormously. Good day to everyone .
 
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