shadowmarine is offline shadowmarine Post #1  July 12,2010, 8:34am
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So I feel kinda lame for doing this but I don’t know what else to do at this point all my close friends r either guys for girls that end up getting jealous over other girls around me.. So to start off im a US Marine I served 4 years active and in my 2nd year of reserve duty, while on are 2 weeks of training a fellow marine and I were talking and he showed me a pic of a co-worker of his in the civi world and I thought she was a beautiful woman and I told him to tell her I said hi and wanted to talk… so about a hour later he wakes up to me and says “hey she thinks ur cute, and wants to talk.” I was like wow… really (I don’t think im very attractive but whatever).

About 2 days after that we went home and I started talking to he through face book and we kinda hit it off before the first day of us talking she gave me her number and we started talking over text. The weekend after I can home and we started talking she went on a trip to see another guys she had been talking to over the internet and had been friends with be4, well need less to say she more or less treated her not very good at all, so a little more then half way through her trip she heavily started talking to me again.. After she came home we made planes to hang out the 1st time, but are plans were pushed aside due to she joining a branch of the military (I thought that was a valid reason so I was not upset) this happened to are panes 2 times and she acted like she was really sorry and she really wanted to hang out. Well a few days after all that she got off work and was looking for something to go do.. I was just sitting at home not doing anything, so I asked if she wanted to go grab dinner and hang out a bit. She agreed and posted a few excided post on her face book (witch by the way Im not saying that just cuz she did this means it was real..), we went out and had a great time he had dinner then walked around and sat for a few hours and just talked it was great at the end of the night I walked her to her car and gave her a hug, she kinda acted like she maybe wanted more but I didn’t want to push it and I was trying to be a gentleman and not just a horny guy. After the “date” we talked a little and we both discover that I guess we both wanted a kiss but did want to push it.. So in the few following days she talked to my fellow marine who she works with and told him that she had a great time and really liked me so far, I guess she asked about me all the time to him.

About a week after that we went out again and this time I picked her up and we spent about 12 hours or so running around together having a great time, probably one of the best days I have had in years (im not going to bore u with the details) about half way thought the day I worked up the balls to put my arm around her (I have been in combat, I have done and seen things no man or woman should even have to think about and she makes me so nervous I cant think…), at the end of the night when I dropped her off and waked her to her door she kissed me.. I felt sparks and I guess she did too cuz we continued for about 20 mins… in the time between this and the 1st time we went out we talked and the subject of other people came up, she said there was 2 other guys besides me that she was talking to but she had stopped talking to them and it was just me now. After the day together she was telling my fellow marine how “great” and “dreamy” I am and how happy she was that he interdicted us, all to the point other girls were asking him if there were any more friends like me lol.

When we were out she got a HUGE message from the guy she saw when we started talking, but didn’t read it till we were on the way home (I didn’t read the message or anything I just happen to see it when we were looking over the water cuddling), after the date she kinda started acting funny.. Not talking so must a few weird posted on FB and stuff.. I asked if she was ok and she insisted she was, but I had a feeling there was but still dropped it, a few days after all this we went out again with a few guys from my unit and I convinced her to stay in a hotel with me that night (honestly no intent to have sex was here I just didn’t want her to drive home that night after drinking and it was kinda late, I was staying there anyways) need less to say we ended up having sex… I was a little hesitant about it but hey… im a guy lol…. After that we talked some more and I kinda brought up the “us” thing as in what r we? She replied with well we have only been out 3 time. I replied back with yes I know but is this just a friend kinda thing or something else Im just trying to get things straight. She said “NO, I like you!” (exact text) I was ok cool…. Well my dumb self get the itch to ask 1 more question… “R we talking to other people or is this a solo kinda thing” and got back “I don’t know”… yea hole thing just crumbled down around me….

This just happened like yesterday… im losing my mind tho I don’t know what to do… I really like her she is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen and such a sweet girl I could see both of us very happy together… but I don’t know is she playing a game is this real… so I just don’t know what do u all think??? I really don’t think I can take more scare on my heart right now but she is so perfect… thanks for reading…
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #2  July 12,2010, 9:01am
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Hi shadowmarine!

It sounds like she really likes you, but she isn't ready to commit to an exclusive relationship.

There could be a lot of different reasons for that --
you haven't spent a lot of time together yet so don't know each other very well;
there is someone else she has an interest in, as well as being interested in you;
or, on the darker side --
she's playing a game;
she's afraid of commitment.

Who knows what her reason is? I don't, you don't. You could ask her, or you could just accept that's where she is right now, and keep pursuing her and see what happens.

If you keep pursuing her, give her a little space. Don't communicate every single day; but make definite date plans fairly often. Court her. Women like that.

Good luck with it!

And thank you for your service. :-)
 
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Petite76 is offline Petite76 Post #3  July 12,2010, 1:11pm
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Shadowmarine,

First of all, thank you for your service.

Other than that, you sound really smitten with this girl, but in all fairness, I, too, would find it awkward if someone asked me about exclusivity after three dates, however intense they were.

It does sound like you two aren't quite on the same page as far as your budding relationship goes, so - just like Sassafras - I would urge you to take a step back, and don't pressure her.
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #4  July 12,2010, 1:52pm
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The issue here is what is this other guy.

I agree...she is not sure who to choose to go with. For some 3 dates is enough time to know if you want to be exclusive...but for others it takes longer...especially if she is torn with two really good guys.

My advice...just date her and see where it is going. After dating about amonth..depending on how much you guys actually date and talk...you should decide if you two want to be exclusive.

If exclusivity doesnt matter to you right now then you obviously dont need to buy the cow.
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #5  July 12,2010, 3:49pm
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Semper Fi!

It's only been 3 dates ...not a lot in the grand scheme of things ...and you already seem to be *way* more into her than she seems to be in you - that's not to say she isn't into you, but, on a scale of 1 to 10, she might be coming in at a 6 or 7 ...and you are weighing in at 15. This is NOT GOOD. You need to at-ease, Marine, or you will end up looking desperate and needy.

She may very well be "the most beautiful woman" you have ever seen ...and she may very well be "perfect", but - to paraphrase one of my favorite quotes - placing her on that kind of pedestal will only put her in the perfect position to kick you in the head.

So, you have competition ...big whoo, everyone has competition if you think about it. You need to realize that it is highly likely you don't know the complete and truthful sit-rep concerning this other guy - and the enemy is not where you think it is. All you can do is focus on yourself and your actions - forget about this other guy, forget about her "acting funny".

You want to win? ...be a Devil Dog. Want to lose? ...be a Squid (no backbone).

Once a Marine, Always a Marine.
 
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tim_the_enchanter is offline tim_the_enchanter Post #6  July 12,2010, 4:57pm
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From one salty dog to another, don't show so much innterest. Give it some time.

She may or may not be that into you. Let her decide what she wants.

One thing you didn't mention is age. It sounds like we're talking about a woman in her early 20's. Don't let yourself get too involved until you know where you stand. Good luck.

Carry on, Marine!
 
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shadowmarine is offline shadowmarine Post #7  July 14,2010, 10:47am
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yes u all r very rigth and thank you very much for everything, i realized something the other night and more or less we talked about it... im not sure if it got us anywhere but she took me home that night (that night being last night) and introduced me to her mom, brother and sister who i got along great with... and her mom said she has talked about me and said "nothing but good things" then we spent the rest of the night togeather but at the end of the night she was kinda talking to another guy about hanging out and stuff.. she told me about all of it said she didnt want to "hang" with him (not sure if i beleived her) then as i was leaving she acted all "lovey" did want to let me go was we made plans in a week she said shes going to miss me for the 1st time... i dont know what the hell is going on lol im just going with the flow... o and i tried to take a step back and give her space and more or less she wont let me lol she telling me no to and a few other things.. idk man, but really thank u all
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #8  July 14,2010, 11:53am
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Welcome to the world of love, marine!

From what you say it sounds like good things are happening. Stay in the moment for now ... enjoy it! Don't get all wrapped around having to know RIGHT NOW whether she's the One. That will figure itself out.

Good luck!
 
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jayhawkgirl is offline jayhawkgirl Post #9  July 14,2010, 12:33pm
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shadowmarine wrote :
...in the time between this and the 1st time we went out we talked and the subject of other people came up, she said there was 2 other guys besides me that she was talking to but she had stopped talking to them and it was just me now.

…. Well my dumb self get the itch to ask 1 more question… “R we talking to other people or is this a solo kinda thing” and got back “I don’t know”… yea hole thing just crumbled down around me….
Since she told you after the first date that she had stopped talking to other guys and it was just you, I don't think you're rushing wanting to be exclusive.

However, since then she has said she's not sure, so this either sounds like mixed messages or she has taken a step backward from wanting to be exclusive. Not a good sign.

I would do as the other posters advised and take deep breath, relax and give her a lot of space. Sounds like she's got multiple "opportunities" (i.e. other guys) and needs to figure it all out.
 
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Johnnyguitarman is offline Johnnyguitarman Post #10  July 14,2010, 12:49pm
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You're a good looking young marine- surely many women's dream guy- the woman should be all over you and keen to keep you. Not the other way round!

I'm getting the impression that you are not that experienced with women. Hence being more scared with her than when under fire. Hell, she can't harm you but the guy with the AK47 or who has planted the IED can- don't be afraid of any women you are far stronger than that. It is time to shape up soldier! Don't be needy and insecure around her, don't be so keen on her and smothering that it puts her off. Send her a message by dating other women, that you don't need her- as she is messing you around. Do more things with your friends, be less available all the time so she has to chase you. Give her the chance to miss you. Sadly, you may have already blown it by letting her have the upper hand and mess you around by seeing other guys. Go and date some other women!

Don't lose control, be the strong man that you are.

Good luck, you deserve it. I have a lot of admiration and respect for those like you who fight against terrorism for our freedom and safety!
 
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