Butterfly_Tattoo is offline Butterfly_Tattoo Post #1  July 11,2010, 8:42pm
Butterfly_Tat…'s Avatar

is happy.

Newbie

Joined: Jul 2010

AZ

Posts: 3

See profile

I have been on four dates with a gentleman and our first date went great. The second one was not so great. It felt like we didn't have much in common. On the third date, it felt easier to talk with him and it was fun. Yesterday, we went on our fourth date and he seemed more interested in me. Now, I am wondering: shouldn't I be feeling all happy and excited at the potential? How do you know if something's just not "clicking"?
I ask this because I'm not used to this dating process. Usually it seems like instant attraction and a whirlwind romance for me; which is not to say that is healthy all the time. But, shouldn't there be more sparks?
 
  Reply With Quote
Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #2  July 11,2010, 8:59pm
Oregon_Coast_…'s Avatar

We're one of a kind, like dip di-dip di-dip, doo-bop a doo-bee doo

Veteran

Joined: Sep 2008

OR

Posts: 2,405

See profile

If attraction for you is instant, and it isn't there, then don't drag it out. There isn't a right or wrong answer on whether attraction should be instant or not. Each person is different.

So if you aren't feeling it, and you are used to feeling it right away, or need to feel it right away, then do the right thing and let this one go.
 
  Reply With Quote
ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #3  July 11,2010, 9:18pm
ami1uwant's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Feb 2008

Seattle, WA

Posts: 4,639

See profile

I dont believe instant attraction is something to base a long term relationship on. Instant attraction is all driven by looks and nothing based on who the person is.

For me attraction comes overtime and it builds. I would be like him where I view the first date as just meeting you and not expecting anything. The second and third dates I am looking to just have fun an learn more about her. By the third date I have learned enough to know if this has a shot or not.

What do you mean by the date going great or not.. You have talked about him to you...what about you to him?
 
  Reply With Quote
bettinawindbloom is offline bettinawindbloom Post #4  July 12,2010, 4:20am
bettinawindbl…'s Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Jun 2010

Posts: 79

See profile

For me, sparks have to come quickly (and they usually have little to nothing to do with looks). The times I've given it another shot despite my gut, it hasn't worked out and has just been a waste of time for both people.

Think about your own dating patterns, and whether this fits.
 
  Reply With Quote
Butterfly_Tattoo is offline Butterfly_Tattoo Post #5  July 12,2010, 5:29am
Butterfly_Tat…'s Avatar

is happy.

Newbie

Joined: Jul 2010

AZ

Posts: 3

See profile

Thank you all for your input! I was thinking about it, and it may be his actions too. For instance, he asked me out on our fourth date by text messaging, which I thought was odd. And yesterday, I had to initiate contact first. I think I'm just used to more interaction as well.
I appreciate all your input!
 
  Reply With Quote
notyet is offline notyet Post #6  July 12,2010, 11:07am
notyet's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: Nov 2008

Posts: 5,276

See profile

more confusion of lust with love...

*sigh!
 
  Reply With Quote
Petite76 is offline Petite76 Post #7  July 12,2010, 12:19pm
Petite76's Avatar

is celebrating the best record in baseball

Quick Study

Joined: Dec 2009

New York, NY

Posts: 72

See profile

No one should tell you how you "should feel." We're different, and dating situations are different. Just judging by the few comments here, you can tell that for some, lust comes - and needs to be there - almost right away, for others, it can develop over time.

*Do* you feel excited about this man?

Just don't let small things turn you off immediately. I understand you're not necessarily a fan of texting; neither am I. But it may just be a bad habit for him. If you feel like he chooses texting too often, you can nicely let him know that it's not your preferred way to communicate, and see if he respects that. Don't demand anything; you've just started to get to know each other.
 
  Reply With Quote
richey is offline richey Post #8  July 15,2010, 4:07am
richey's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Aug 2009

san francisco, ca

Posts: 2,764

See profile

Butterfly,

I will just pass this along and hopefully it will help in some way at some point.

I would caution you against judging somebody by "what you are used to". AFter all, what you are used to hasn't been successful yet ~ so what kind of example is that to lead you to success?

However, if you drop all the "what you are used to" guidelines you are trying to measure this fellow on, what I will say is I dont' necessarily believe in whirlwind chemistry and sparks right off the bat either (it's a HORRIBLY UNRELIABLE indicator of relatoinship success), but at the very least you should have some sort of feeling that you want to see him again or look forward to seeing him again. If you do not have that feeling in you at all, then maybe it's time to be honest with him and look elsewhere.

Now don't get me wrong, there is never anythign wrong with going on one more date and giving it one additional shot to see.... but after 4 dates.. if you just don't find yourself wanting to or looking forward to his company again. then i don't think that will grow over time.

Last item ~ realize that it takes a team effort and it's not all about what he does, and what he's doing to attract you. You ahve to be working to create the chemistry with him too.

Richey
 
  Reply With Quote
AnalogGuppy is offline AnalogGuppy Post #9  July 15,2010, 4:26am
AnalogGuppy's Avatar

is concerned about DigitalShark.

Newbie

Joined: Jul 2010

NYC

Posts: 40

See profile

This is one of those where I think it's difficult to really be told what the right thing is - I think everybody has their own version of what they need to feel for there to be a potential for a relationship. And it depends on whether you are looking to keep dating and just enjoy yourself of get serious. I'm one of those people who has found that if there are no sparks apparent fairly early on (not the same as love at first site), none are going to follow. It seems like things were going pretty well, but to use a Seinfeld reference you are "not gaga." Only you can really decide if you think it is worth continuing to see what is there, or if you have not found what you are really looking for and are only going to be settling.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« Ladies, what are your opinions on gender roles? | Dating | ED and mixed messages - what's he trying to tell me? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Moving on robert96 Relationships 27 July 12,2010 6:12am
Moving on but stuck bubbledoc Ask a Dating Expert 4 February 13,2010 9:00pm
moving and eharmony movinout Using eHarmony 2 February 7,2010 8:48pm
Separated 3 months and she's already moving in with the new guy. OttOn Relationships 20 November 11,2009 9:13pm
Moving huggybear0406 Relationships 15 November 11,2009 9:35am

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Sometimes it is better than going on a so-so date just to fill your calendar.” –  sun73

Join the “dreaded free weekend” discussion

“When a man dates women, especially exclusively, who are much more physically attractive, I think he gets exactly what he's asking for and what he deserves - a woman who is not physically attracted to ... ” –  Bluskies4ever3

Join the “My first "Matchmaker" date” discussion

“Always trust your instincts.” –  sun73

Join the “Yellow flags...To Proceed or not to proceed, that is the question?” discussion

“ I was never into David Cassidy. Now, Shaun Cassidy... loved him! (And he was such a girl, too. So pretty!) I still have his album, too. I think it has my sister's name sticker on it, too. ” –  mitchell175

Join the “Robin Gibbs Dead at 62...How Deep is Your Love?” discussion

“I enjoy walking my german shepherd.” –  sun73

Join the “Friday Night Roll Call !!! Sweaty Summer Fun edition!” discussion

“Hmm. I think we are using the term 'preference' differently. Anyway, you can choose 'not important' for everything if you want the widest range of choices possible. If you do that and still don't get ... ” –  mitchell175

Join the “Different Strategy” discussion

“Seriously? That cloud looks nothing like George Clooney!” –  mitchell175

Join the “Comment to win a FREE month of eHarmony!” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 2:56am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0