Should I give him a shot?


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magict is offline magict Post #1  July 11,2010, 3:57pm
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Hi everyone
So a colleague / friend of mine thought this guy and I would be a good match. She emailed him and said as much. We have been emailing each other for almost 3 weeks. This is definitely not how I like it. I believe the sooner you meet the better. We are both very busy, he's VP of an IT firm and I'm a nurse, but I'm on vacation this week so we are supposed to meet up.
He emails me pretty much every day, usually goofy yet flattering emails. Endearing sometimes but really? We don't have anything set in stone, so I had initiated about meeting. Still kind of up in the air at this point.
I do consider myself a patient person but I'm not sure where to draw the line I guess. Not sure what's going on here, but if he was really interested I would think he would be more assertive. Either that or he has been burned from the online thing (from what I hear a few times) and is being cautious, or he is clueless and really not in a rush. We had a good matchmaker though so it's not from a site, and therefore not really an online thing.
So, he said he definitely wants to meet up and this and that. Yet it hasn't happened. I'm not trying to jump to conclusions, so I figured I would ask you all for your point of view. Thanks
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #2  July 11,2010, 4:03pm
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Bloody well right, you are!

Unless this has been due to a schedulling conflict (which I would be making clear, if it were me), three weeks is just weird.

It is possible this is a busy time on his job, if his workload is impacted by the vacations of other people (or his company is seasonal in some way.)
 
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magict is offline magict Post #3  July 11,2010, 4:06pm
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I think it's wierd too, so, where do I draw the line, Wednesday? lol
 
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Petite76 is offline Petite76 Post #4  July 11,2010, 4:11pm
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Wherever you draw the line, stick to it. Don't say Wednesday now, and if he doesn't ask you out by then, extend it until the end of this week... and then next Wednesday.

Did you tell him you had the week off? If I were you, I'd probably propose a day in the next email. Tell him you're trying to get a few things done on your week off, but Wednesday seems like a lovely day for coffee.
 
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magict is offline magict Post #5  July 11,2010, 4:17pm
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Well, my thought was to confirm by wednesday to have a date Saurday. I will definitely stick to my guns, good point.
I prefer a coffee date myself, but he prefers lunch or dinner apparently. Yes he knows I have the week off. Any day is a lovely day for coffee
 
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Petite76 is offline Petite76 Post #6  July 11,2010, 4:25pm
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I generally prefer a cafe for a first date, because if he doesn't turn out to be as great as I'd like, it's easier to bail after 20 minutes. That's tougher at dinner unless you're a fast eater.

I don't think you should be shy about proposing a day for the date (whether coffee or dinner, Wednesday or Saturday.) It sounds like you've been having fun via emails, so it shouldn't be something that would make you come off as pushy. I, too, prefer a man who will take the initiative, but with him being so focused on his work, he may not have even realized that three weeks have already passed. It is, however, frustrating *you* a bit, so why not get it out of the way?
 
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magict is offline magict Post #7  July 11,2010, 4:32pm
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I agree, but according to him he's had a lot of baaaaad coffee dates (one was man who came onto him and it wasn't pretty)
I hear what you are saying, just not sure if I should be doing all the initiating?
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #8  July 11,2010, 4:37pm
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It doesn't make a lot of sense for him to delay - has any kind of reason been stated?

Personally, my first meetings are dinner. I would not make a meeting for coffee, so unless a woman made that invitation it wouldn't be happening (and I might not bother even then.)

In an online scenario, I try to set up the meeting as soon as reaching open communication.

Three weeks of explaining a bad coffee meeting is baggage.
 
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Petite76 is offline Petite76 Post #9  July 11,2010, 4:41pm
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No, in a perfect world, you shouldn't be.
That said, you haven't even met him, and you have nothing to lose. As much as you know, he may be totally fine with just emailing for the next three weeks. Or months. You, on the other hand, aren't fine with it.
Don't overanalyze it. Don't try to turn it into anything serious. Just ask. One sentence. No explanations. Nothing dramatic.
His reaction may also tell you something.

I don't see how bad coffee dates can be any worse than bad dinner dates. The man (?) who came on to him wouldn't have done the same over dinner? Is it something about coffee that attracts psychos? I find that a really strange excuse.
 
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NYCpigeon is offline NYCpigeon Post #10  July 11,2010, 4:50pm
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magict wrote :
I agree, but according to him he's had a lot of baaaaad coffee dates (one was man who came onto him and it wasn't pretty)
I hear what you are saying, just not sure if I should be doing all the initiating?
D_Lion wrote :

Three weeks of explaining a bad coffee meeting is baggage.
Tell him you'd like to get together on the coming weekend.

If he doesn't respond or if he hems and haws, then politely inform him you are moving on.

I don't think you owe him any more than that. Then you will feel better with the knowledge that there will be a defined ending.

And, yes, this sounds like serious baggage.
 
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