My Match called Me a 'Dream Girl"


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SpecialGirl is offline SpecialGirl Post #1  July 9,2010, 9:07pm
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There is this man that has been matched to me on eharmony.

He started communicating with me, and told me he stared at my profile and my pics a long time, but he wasn't sure whether to write me or not. When I asked why, he said he thought he was 'out of my league'.

I thought he was going to say because I lived far away, or he wasn't that impressed!

The problem is he lives overseas. Like 10,000 miles away.
We have been in contact on messenger now, and also email. I like him, he physically appeals to me (unfortunately this is very important to me initially) but i kinda feel like long distance relationships are too difficult.

I have now restricted my matches to just 250kms from where I live. I kinda feel that long distance relationships are lonely going. I am very loyal to my partner, but being away from each other too long, just wouldn't work for me.

Any of you guys made Long distance relationships work? TBH, i have found only a couple of men (who are my matches) attractive - he is one of them. I hate being shallow, but there is not much i can do about what I am attracted to, and what I am not.

How do tell him i am not interested (it's not him, its the distance), without hurting his feelings?
 
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Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #2  July 9,2010, 9:10pm
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Accept that if he's telling you the truth about what he thinks about you, you WILL hurt him.

And then realize it is the best decision for you. If you are not ready for a long distance relationship, then you need to not drag this out further. Better do it sooner than later.
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #3  July 9,2010, 9:12pm

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I personally think a guy would understand that for practical reasons a long distance relationship isn't necessarily everybody's cup of tea, so using that reason is absolutely fine.

He might be bummed a little bit especially since he thinks you're a dream girl, etc...but I'm sure any good, solid guy would brush things off and move on.
 
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SpecialGirl is offline SpecialGirl Post #4  July 9,2010, 9:17pm
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if he lived here, we would hve every chance of a good relationship. he seems very personable, attractive, etc etc. Actually, i would like to keep him as a friend though

For a romantic relationship,unless he was willing to meet me ASAP, and then move here soon (actually i would be willign to move for the right man too - but you know, it's still asking alot and complicating each others lives too - I believe relationships are hard work already without the distance factor)
 
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Johnnyguitarman is offline Johnnyguitarman Post #5  July 10,2010, 1:18am
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SpecialGirl wrote :
----, and told me he stared at my profile and my pics a long time, but he wasn't sure whether to write me or not. When I asked why, he said he thought he was 'out of my league'.----

The problem is he lives overseas. Like 10,000 miles away.
We have been-----

------

How do tell him i am not interested (it's not him, its the distance), without hurting his feelings?
This guy has got SKa mmer written all over him! Seriously, calling someone "dream girl" who he has never met! Sorry to bring you down to earth but there are a lot of people in the real world trying to part you and your money, this is not a Mills and Boon novel.

Just close communication with him and report him to the administrators of the site as potential criminal activity, don't worry about his feelings. He has another dozen other women to work on using his male model photo's and scripted communication that you have seen. He will hardly notice (other than to send his standard I'm so upset" messages.).

"I have now restricted my matches to just 250kms from where I live. I kinda feel that long distance relationships are lonely going. I am very loyal to my partner, but being away from each other too long, just wouldn't work for me.
-""

Good for you! best to concentrate on only real genuine people- you can meet in the real world, rather than chase fantasies- they are out there.
 
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SpecialGirl is offline SpecialGirl Post #6  July 10,2010, 5:21am
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Johnnyguitarman wrote :
This guy has got SKa mmer written all over him! Seriously, calling someone "dream girl" who he has never met! Sorry to bring you down to earth but there are a lot of people in the real world trying to part you and your money, this is not a Mills and Boon novel.

Just close communication with him and report him to the administrators of the site as potential criminal activity, don't worry about his feelings. He has another dozen other women to work on using his male model photo's and scripted communication that you have seen. He will hardly notice (other than to send his standard I'm so upset" messages.).



"I have now restricted my matches to just 250kms from where I live. I kinda feel that long distance relationships are lonely going. I am very loyal to my partner, but being away from each other too long, just wouldn't work for me.
-""

Good for you! best to concentrate on only real genuine people- you can meet in the real world, rather than chase fantasies- they are out there.

Wow, thats an awfully big assumption to jump to, Guiatarman~!
From 'dreamgirl' he becomes a Ska mmer????
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #7  July 10,2010, 5:33am
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SpecialGirl wrote :
Wow, thats an awfully big assumption to jump to, Guiatarman~!
From 'dreamgirl' he becomes a Ska mmer????
It is a bit of a jump, but you should be aware of it. There are scammers out there who lie awake at night thinking of ways to separate you from your money...dating sites and the elderly are two of the biggest "victim pools".
That said, the type of distance you are talking about is just so impractical, IMO, that no one has the right to fault you for closing them.
You don't need to give any other reason, except maybe to say, "I've reconsidered my dating distances and am concentrating on people closer to me."

As far as the "dreamgirl" connotation he threw on you...anyone who would say that before you had even met, has their head in the clouds or...well, you know where else..
Last edited by TheThinker; July 10,2010 at 6:13am.
 
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NYCpigeon is offline NYCpigeon Post #8  July 10,2010, 5:42am
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SpecialGirl wrote :
Wow, thats an awfully big assumption to jump to, Guiatarman~!
From 'dreamgirl' he becomes a Ska mmer????
I agree with the guys. You come across as very naive. Do you know how easy it is to create a phony profile using gorgeous pictures, stolen of course, with totally made up information? The reasons for doing so are numerous. And you are probably one of many.

They prey on what they think you want to hear, in this case validation of how nice you look/are. They can sense your insecurities and vulnerabilities and key in on them.

Why do you need to search for a match who is so far from you?
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #9  July 10,2010, 5:46am
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Johnnyguitarman wrote :
This guy has got SKa mmer written all over him! Seriously, calling someone "dream girl" who he has never met! Sorry to bring you down to earth but there are a lot of people in the real world trying to part you and your money, this is not a Mills and Boon novel.

Just close communication with him and report him to the administrators of the site as potential criminal activity, don't worry about his feelings. He has another dozen other women to work on using his male model photo's and scripted communication that you have seen. He will hardly notice (other than to send his standard I'm so upset" messages.).

"I have now restricted my matches to just 250kms from where I live. I kinda feel that long distance relationships are lonely going. I am very loyal to my partner, but being away from each other too long, just wouldn't work for me.
-""

Good for you! best to concentrate on only real genuine people- you can meet in the real world, rather than chase fantasies- they are out there.
I agree with the sk a m m e r thing. That was my first thought exactly.
 
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SpecialGirl is offline SpecialGirl Post #10  July 10,2010, 6:47am
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wouldn't it be easier to sK am someone who lived closer, than 10,00 miles away? hmmm

either way, he hasn't got much chance of anything going with me.
 
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