"Conflict" vs. "Drama"


Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
eH_Advice_Host_Kate is offline eH_Advice_Host_Kate — Advice Official Moderator Post #1  July 8,2010, 7:45am

Moderator

Joined: Sep 2008

Pasadena, California

Posts: 1,814

See profile

We often see phrases like “No drama please!” as a relationship requirement posted in people’s profiles. Of course it’s natural to want a harmony in a romantic relationship!

But what do you think the definition of “drama” is vs. “conflict” (healthy conflict that would naturally come up in a relationship, that is)?

~Kate
eHarmony Advice Host
 
  Reply With Quote
Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #2  July 8,2010, 8:05am

blames self-help books

Power Poster

Joined: Oct 2009

STL

Posts: 4,879

See profile

Generally drama is self-created, a simple non-dating example would be the person who walks in to work all flustered because OMG! they ran out of gas on the way to work and then nobody would help them, and blah blah blah....All the while ignoring the fact that they could have just put gas in their car before they got on the highway. Then they run around the office telling everyone about their trials getting to work. In dating it may be something like my ex-boyfriend won't leave me alone! I just texted him yesterday that I wasn't interested in him. How many time do I have to say I don't want to talk to him......

Conflict happens to you and you deal with it. Another work example, sorry I was late, they shut down the highway because of an accident and the detour was longer than I expected. You then sit down at your desk and start working.
 
  Reply With Quote
TrekRyder10 is offline TrekRyder10 Post #3  July 8,2010, 8:09am
TrekRyder10's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Jan 2010

In a van down by the river

Posts: 4,802

See profile

Anytime I went on a date with a woman who had a version of that statement in their profile, were the ones to cause the drama somewhere's down the line!

I think most people have a different defnition of what drama is..

IME drama is usually never discussed correctly, where as conflicts are two people communicating as adults.. So yes, I think conflicts are healthy to an relationship.
Last edited by TrekRyder10; July 8,2010 at 8:16am.
 
  Reply With Quote
NYCpigeon is offline NYCpigeon Post #4  July 8,2010, 8:23am
NYCpigeon's Avatar

There are oceans of feelings between us

Veteran

Joined: Oct 2009

Brooklyn, NY

Posts: 1,199

See profile

Personally, I find drama to be absolutely sickening. I know people that create constant drama (unfortunately it's someone I work with) and the goal is to draw attention to themselves.

Of course the way they draw attention to themselves is by being loud, making a bigger deal out of situations than need be, by being falsely emotional (or in the case of bipolar people, it is not false at all), crying, laughing inappropriately or excessively.

I also find that people who have a propensity for drama might very well be emotionally unbalanced. That's my take on it. I don't like it and I would never subject myself to it if possible.

Conflict, on the other hand is a result of situations that naturally occur. And while outbursts of emotion can accompany the conflict, it is genuine and oftentimes in proportion to the difficulty of a situation. By genuine, I mean that the person is emotionally balanced and not looking for attention by the way they respond to a situation.

Example of conflict: A man's girlfriend is tired of watching him play video games and suggests he stops and pay more attention to her. The guy flips out and starts screaming at her that she shouldn't tell him what to do in his house. She gets upset and leaves.

Example of drama: A man's girlfriend is tired of watching him play video games and waits till they get to the local coffee shop for lunch to start an argument with him. She then proceeds to berate him and tell him how horribly offended she is that he could treat her like this. Everyone stops eating to look at them.
Last edited by NYCpigeon; July 8,2010 at 8:26am.
 
  Reply With Quote
Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #5  July 8,2010, 8:27am
Sassafras54's Avatar

Your Community Coordinator

Moderator

Joined: Oct 2009

San Pedro, CA

Posts: 9,080

See profile

In drama the goal isn't to solve a conflict, it's to have some kind of indirect vent, or manipulation, etc. If by some chance the triggering conflict does get resolved, the drama will shift to some other topic, because the drama is the goal.

In conflict resolution, when it gets resolved, it's over. The goal was to resolve it.

So it's a difference in goals.
 
  Reply With Quote
Biker1 is offline Biker1 Post #6  July 8,2010, 8:31am
Biker1's Avatar

has captured a cougar.

Pacesetter

Joined: Jul 2010

Hartselle, AL

Posts: 325

See profile

Drama is a meaningless distraction used either to get attention or to control someone or a situation. Habitual drama is a definite dealbreaker for me.

Conflict is a substantive disagreement that needs to be resolved. Occasional disagreements keep a relationship healthy and strong, IMO. It's a good indicator that both people feel comfortable being and thinking for themselves.
 
  Reply With Quote
MISSDRAGONTAT is offline MISSDRAGONTAT Post #7  July 8,2010, 8:44am
MISSDRAGONTAT's Avatar

4.0 this semester

Quick Study

Joined: Feb 2008

Orlando, FL

Posts: 125

See profile

Sassafras54 wrote :
In drama the goal isn't to solve a conflict, it's to have some kind of indirect vent, or manipulation, etc. If by some chance the triggering conflict does get resolved, the drama will shift to some other topic, because the drama is the goal.

In conflict resolution, when it gets resolved, it's over. The goal was to resolve it.

So it's a difference in goals.
bingo! ITA.
 
  Reply With Quote
Nanette is offline Nanette Post #8  July 9,2010, 10:11am
Nanette's Avatar

~ giving gentle smack-downs... vewy vewy gentle

Power Poster

Joined: Jun 2008

Posts: 7,451

See profile

I think it can also be the way that people cope with problems. I mean, some people will *react* to anything. Others are more calm and non-reactive. Maybe the people that are reactors will get more of a reputation for being dramatic than those that arent, at least initially. But people that have no emotion over anything arent necessairly better.
 
  Reply With Quote
greg75 is offline greg75 Post #9  July 9,2010, 1:34pm
greg75's Avatar

is feeling awesome!

Enthusiast

Joined: Jan 2010

Martinsville, VA

Posts: 930

See profile

Drama is usually created when you have someone who wants everything to be just the way they want it to be all the time without regards of anybody else. And if things don't go their way, then they start throwing a temper tantrum.
 
  Reply With Quote
newbie40something is offline newbie40something Post #10  July 9,2010, 3:19pm
newbie40somet…'s Avatar

A time came when it was more painful to remain tight in a bud than the risk to break open & blossom

Veteran

Joined: Oct 2009

St. Louis

Posts: 1,740

See profile

Drama can be avoided if one wants.

Conflict can be resolved if one is willing.
Last edited by newbie40something; July 9,2010 at 3:44pm.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« Is this why people are scared of online dating? | Dating | Ladies do you find these attractive qualities »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Do relationships need "drama"? eHA_Admin_Lori Relationships 48 October 20,2009 7:31pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Sometimes it is better than going on a so-so date just to fill your calendar.” –  sun73

Join the “dreaded free weekend” discussion

“When a man dates women, especially exclusively, who are much more physically attractive, I think he gets exactly what he's asking for and what he deserves - a woman who is not physically attracted to ... ” –  Bluskies4ever3

Join the “My first "Matchmaker" date” discussion

“Always trust your instincts.” –  sun73

Join the “Yellow flags...To Proceed or not to proceed, that is the question?” discussion

“ I was never into David Cassidy. Now, Shaun Cassidy... loved him! (And he was such a girl, too. So pretty!) I still have his album, too. I think it has my sister's name sticker on it, too. ” –  mitchell175

Join the “Robin Gibbs Dead at 62...How Deep is Your Love?” discussion

“I enjoy walking my german shepherd.” –  sun73

Join the “Friday Night Roll Call !!! Sweaty Summer Fun edition!” discussion

“Hmm. I think we are using the term 'preference' differently. Anyway, you can choose 'not important' for everything if you want the widest range of choices possible. If you do that and still don't get ... ” –  mitchell175

Join the “Different Strategy” discussion

“Seriously? That cloud looks nothing like George Clooney!” –  mitchell175

Join the “Comment to win a FREE month of eHarmony!” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 2:46am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0