what does taking it "SLOW" really mean?


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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #1  July 7,2010, 6:20pm
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I keep reading time and time again in different articles, hearing it from people offering words of advice to others, and reading it in all forms of advice even here. I'm just curious, what does that really mean?

Does it mean don't move in with someone after only knowing them for 6 months? Does it mean continue to date others until you feel comfortable that you are both in the same spot? Does it mean don't put your heart really into it (whether you date others or not) until you are both in the same spot? Don't have sex before x amount of dates, months, etc?

I'm just curiuos, for those people who often offer the advice to "take it slow" what is it that you really mean by that, and what does the person and/or relationship gain by going "slow?"

Also, is that really even possible? If two people really do like each other, want to commit, what would that mean for them?
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #2  July 7,2010, 6:29pm
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Keeping our clothes on until getting the car parked, is "taking it slow."

Keeping 200 other women in my speed dials, even after several generations of mobile phone, is "taking it slow."

***

Generally, I think this expression is meaning someone wants to delay exclusivity / commmitment, avoid or defer investment, or have a ready excuse available.

I actually don't hear this is my life, ever.
Last edited by D_Lion; July 7,2010 at 6:31pm.
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #3  July 7,2010, 6:33pm
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Taking it slow can be used in different ways and for different reasons...some of those you mentioned above.

Taking it slow can also mean they arent as sure as you are that this relationship is something to jump to bf/gf or exclusivity over.

Taking it slow can also mean "I am playing the field"
 
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livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #4  July 7,2010, 6:51pm
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ami1uwant wrote :
Taking it slow can be used in different ways and for different reasons...some of those you mentioned above.

Taking it slow can also mean they arent as sure as you are that this relationship is something to jump to bf/gf or exclusivity over.

Taking it slow can also mean "I am playing the field"
Yea.

Dunno.
 
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TiffanyDiamond is offline TiffanyDiamond Post #5  July 7,2010, 7:38pm
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Taking it slow definitely means different things to different people. I don't really do the whole I meet someone I like and we start to date thing - that wasn't working for me. So I decided to try a different approach to the whole "finding love" thing. It's important for me to develop a friendship with the person before we decide to date. That means spending time talking and learning about each other and then going forward from there to dating. Then I only become intimate with someone that I am exclusive with and that I love. That's taking things slow to me. I've made some good friends who I decided I didn't really want to date for whatever reason...and I've also met someone that I do love and I think is right for me.
 
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morningsunlight is offline morningsunlight Post #6  July 7,2010, 7:47pm
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To give some time to think.

I can sometimes fall in love immediately. Nothing to think about as far as feelings go. But there are times where the circumstances do not allow us to proceed too seriously.

When I am unsure about my feelings, the issues are often small little things. The little things can be about me, not about them. When getting to know another person from a different background, each side needs to get adjusted to differences. I take it slow to figure out how major or minor these differences may be.
Last edited by morningsunlight; July 7,2010 at 7:50pm.
 
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jacques102 is offline jacques102 Post #7  July 7,2010, 8:13pm
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Yes I would agree it is time to think. I can also fall for someone really quickly and twice have gotten married only to find I really did not know this person as well as I should have before doing that. Did not know about these outlandish tempers, gambling, spending, alcohol, problems etc. etc.

So taking it slow to me is making sure there is PLENTY of time to be sure I know the person I am with before saying I am willing to make any kind of long term commitment. Now I have read on these boards here somewhere that some actually recommends people date for 2-years before making that commitment.

I have now problem being "exclusive" or deleting numbers from my phone or closing my eharmony account or any of that. I don't see any of that as being tied in with taking it slow at all.
 
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2clueless is offline 2clueless Post #8  July 7,2010, 8:31pm
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Taking it slow to me means letting things unfold and taking time to enjoy the process. It's the difference between rolling out astroturf and nuturing seedlings into grass over time. Both may result in a nice looking lawn at the end of the day, but it's a totally different process. Before I was more willing to go with the flow, follow my heart and take leaps of faith. But now, I take my time with things and let them develop.
 
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SeeShore is offline SeeShore Post #9  July 8,2010, 5:44am
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I have used "Let's take this slow(er)" with a guy who claimed to be in love with me right away, wanted exclusivity right away, etc.

I was right in that choice, because he turned out to be a flake. There are things you don't realize about a person until you have known them a few months, at least. It is easy to keep an illussion going for a while. I won't make a committment to a guy until I have seen him in a variety of circumstances and see how he deals with them.

Certainly anything concrete like moving in would be a part of "taking it slow" to me...

But terms like these are often used differently by different people, which is why I think it should always be spelled out. What do you mean and why?
 
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sledguy75 is offline sledguy75 Post #10  July 8,2010, 6:06am
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I think that some use this as an excuse to not move forward but that it really is a good idea to take your time and not rush. If you are looking for a serious, long term relationship then getting to know one another without bringing the sexual aspect into things right away is good. No need to jump into bed on the first date, says where the priorities are. When it comes to cohabitating, I would say give it atleast a year as it takes some time to truly get to know someone for their true selves. There is nothing wrong with spending nights together or going on trips but I think the seperate homes should be kept. If after a year or so then things aren't feeling right then best to call it quits then. I don't think there is anything wrong by planning things like this with your partner...just not on the first date! lol
 
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