Amarok is offline Amarok Post #1  July 7,2010, 6:00pm
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Ok, so for first dates....if we go for dinner...is it ok for me to offer to help with the tab? Or do I just put money down without saying anything? Because I ALWAYS offer. That's how I was raised. My cousin was telling me that nowadays at dinner or whatever, women are supposed to put money down (???). I must be really out of touch. Is this correct? I mean, I always say that I am up for anything simple, be it coffee or whatever. I'll give the guy some ideas but normally wherever they decide to go is fine. Am I doing something wrong? Is my cousin right? HAALLPP!! Thanks guys! Big hugs! :-)
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #2  July 7,2010, 6:04pm
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Oh..noooooooooo!!!



*runs and hides under the porch*



just do what makes you happy.
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #3  July 7,2010, 6:08pm
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We decided long ago that since we couldn't decide, we do the 'dine & dash'.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #4  July 7,2010, 6:08pm
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Prior to a meeting, I make a suggestion on dinner. I prefer to see the woman participate in selecting a place, though few do.

At a first meeting, I prefer a woman to contribute (paying a tip is an insult, it needs to be a real contribution.) I an okay if she does not - since people just don't carry cash, and splitting one restaurant bill is petty.

I am taking a risk, but I usually give a woman the chance to get the second meeting, instead of sharing the first. If she does not, that ends my interest.

***

A solid strategy is to NOT offer to contribute, thank the man sincerely, and then make a return meeting arrangement of your own.
 
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heisenberg is offline heisenberg Post #5  July 7,2010, 6:33pm
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I generally assume I will pay the cost of a first date and do not have a problem with that.

However, if a date offers to split the cost, and I feel she really means it, as opposed to a half-hearted offer to pay, then I will graciously acquiesce.

A guy who presents himself as a successful well to do kind of guy (and many more than are... do) should at least offer to pay, otherwise it is likely he misrepresented himself or is a cheapskate or a player trying to manage his dating costs.

When I date single mothers who are not well off, and I notice they are paying a baby sitter while we are out on a date, I will pretty much insist on paying for the date.
Last edited by heisenberg; July 7,2010 at 6:36pm.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #6  July 7,2010, 6:37pm
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heisenberg wrote :
A guy who presents himself as a successful well to do kind of guy (and many more than are, do) should at least offer to pay, otherwise it is likely he misrepresented himself or a cheapskate or a player trying to manage his dating costs.

Except that this isn't true.

"Player" advice is always to pay (since women favor it so much, and misintepret it as interest.)

Further, one's view of gender, fairness, or self-protection are all valid reasons.
 
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heisenberg is offline heisenberg Post #7  July 7,2010, 6:44pm
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D_Lion wrote :
"Player" advice is always to pay (since women favor it so much, and misintepret it as interest.)
So by not paying full fare, women would in turn "misinterpret it as lack of interest"?
 
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Amarok is offline Amarok Post #8  July 7,2010, 6:45pm
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Dine and Dash!!! HAHAHAHAAA! I can't run fast!! :-)

Ok, so let me see if I understand (sorry, I'm slow). Something so simple huh? So I SHOULDN'T offer anything? Or continue what I'm doing? I am always sincere when I offer to pay for anything. I just don't know what the etiquette is for dating today. Maybe my way of thinking is outdated?

ACK!!!
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #9  July 7,2010, 6:47pm
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heisenberg wrote :
So by not paying full fare, women would in turn "misinterpret it as lack of interest"?

This is admittedly a risk.

In my case, I am fine with this risk - since anyone leaving me over it is doing me a favor.
 
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heisenberg is offline heisenberg Post #10  July 7,2010, 6:53pm
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Amarok wrote :
Dine and Dash!!! HAHAHAHAAA! I can't run fast!! :-)
Amarok wrote :

Ok, so let me see if I understand (sorry, I'm slow). Something so simple huh? So I SHOULDN'T offer anything? Or continue what I'm doing? I am always sincere when I offer to pay for anything. I just don't know what the etiquette is for dating today. Maybe my way of thinking is outdated?

ACK!!!
No hard and fast rule. When in doubt, kindly offer to split, and be sincere. If he accepts your offer, then it is probably better that you did do so, and avoided him having heartburn over it.
 
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